I love first days of the month. They're like mini-reset buttons in life for me. I woke with a profound sense of newness, that feels as refreshing as the crisp, cool autumn morning.
Anyway, I just came back from a church retreat this weekend. Having spent the last 10 years, heavily immersed in church activities, I am no stranger to retreats. But this one was different. I think it's because the church that I've been attending for the last 8 months has been so different from any churches that I've ever been to. It's so amazingly different that I don't even like calling it a "church," because the word "church" has become a negative buzz word for so many people, including myself. Not the the "church," or the body of Christ, is in any way a bad thing, but Christians, have really botched things up, I think, in presenting the church in a good light. There have been so many people hurt, criticized, ostracized and estranged by the very thing that is supposed to represent the love of Christ to the rest of the world. And it's not only non-Christians, who have been hurt. There are a surprising amount of Christians who have been hurt by the church, too.
So, I like to call my church, a community of faithful people. Because it truly is a community of love and acceptance. Not only does Fountain of Life, loves and accepts those, that I believe other churches would not, but it is a place where God's word is preached boldly, where people are challenged to examine their hearts and encouraged to apply the message of the Gospel in practical, everyday living. I think that Fountain of Life's values are clearly articulated in these words: "Deeper in Christ. Further in mission." It is a place that I've really come to embrace the love of God and have come to grips with the fact that there is no way I can do the will of God, if I do not truly have a deep and heartfelt understanding of His love for me and for His people.
I feel so blessed to have spent the weekend with these people who treat me like I am part of their family. I have never felt so accepted for who I am, just the way I am. I am so amazed to see how God's love is truly transformational and so tangible when His people are intentional about showing it. I am excited about this church family. It's the kind of family that I would bring my lesbian/gay friends, too. I would bring cynics, atheists, agnostics, hypercalvinists, extreme fundamentalists and anyone from any other religion to this place, knowing and trusting that they would be loved and accepted as they are. It is so refreshing for me to realize that I am part of something that really seeks to reflect God's grace. And it's been so challenging for me to to really seek to trust that it is God's love and the message of Christ that transforms a person from the inside out. I am reminded constantly that He didn't require of me to have all my ducks in a row and to clean up my act before I could come to Him. No, He came to Earth. He became a human being. He died on the Cross. He came to me. He reached out to me. And thus, my outreach to others should be in the same way.
This weekend has been about Fountain of Life challenging me to live incarnationally. I realized that I have neighbors all around me that I don't even talk to, people that I can build relationships with and share the love of God with. I am so excited about this, but also kind of scared because I know it's not going to be easy, especially because I can be so selfish with my time and tend to be kind of disobedient. I trust that God will help me, through the Holy Spirit. So I'm being realistic...but still really excited!
Thus, I am looking forward to what November will bring :)
Showing posts with label Arbitrary goodness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arbitrary goodness. Show all posts
1.11.10
24.5.10
foggy brain.
yesterday's hair, irish cream and my paint-it-yourself mug and a poem:
foggy brain,foggy brain,
makes everything like static.
caffeine is the only recommended cure.
also, the hope of summer, that draws nigh
with every exasperated sigh,also, the hope of summer, that draws nigh
as i study
for my
last final
of the
year.
goodbye.
9.3.10
Breakthrough Tuesdays.
One of most refreshing (and annoying) aspects of this life we live is the constant of change-- we human beings are like play-doh in the hands of a determined, over-achiever.
Change is exciting. It's frightening and gut-wrenching. It's exhausting and rewarding and painful.
I had a breakthrough today. I realized that I was fighting this weird, internal battle, where, in the realms of my imagination I had strategically set up my own enemies. They threatened to take hold and destroy my new found freedom. I wasn't going to let them. I built my defenses, readied my weapons. Little did I know, that no one was really out to get me.
I have changed a lot over the last few years: I've learned to take ownership of my personality, my wants, my needs, my struggles and my personal victories. I've learned a lot about God and His unconditional love. I've learned that I need not constantly stress myself out about my intentions, or whether my heart is in the right place. I've learned that I need not explain myself or validate my every action. I am sure that God is pleased with my desire to please Him, and I am sure that He doesn't expect me to be perfect and is not surprised when I mess up (keyword here is "when.") I've learned to breathe. I've learned to trust. I've learned to suffer. I've learned that there's no hurry in living. Jesus knew all about that, because He's a genius after all. He told us to take things one day at a time. I've really taken that and have tattooed it into my heart.
These things [that I've learned] don't always translate to my "old" life (oh, the joys of moving away). It's hard to grow up being a certain way and work so hard to meet everyone else's expectations in order to find life acceptable, or to find oneself acceptable/love/wanted by others. The weird thing about that is that I was doing those things under the guise of living passionately and intentionally for God. The irony is that it was all in vain--I was really just living for myself.
Anyway, it's hard when people, from my previous "life," aren't able to understand that change or growth and are unable to see past the person they thought they've always known. At least this has been my basic assumption, though, I don't think it's really too far off from the truth. Whatever. The point is none of these people are my enemies. There is no actual war between us.
Yeah, so...today was one of those "come full circle" types of days--Thank you, Jesus (again). I'm beginning to really understand that it's ok to not see eye to eye with everyone; it's virtually impossible when people are standing on various sides of a mountain--people can only see with their own eyes a small part of the "big" picture and their respective points of view are going to be a little different from the next.
And that is ok. It really, really is.
Change is exciting. It's frightening and gut-wrenching. It's exhausting and rewarding and painful.
I had a breakthrough today. I realized that I was fighting this weird, internal battle, where, in the realms of my imagination I had strategically set up my own enemies. They threatened to take hold and destroy my new found freedom. I wasn't going to let them. I built my defenses, readied my weapons. Little did I know, that no one was really out to get me.
I have changed a lot over the last few years: I've learned to take ownership of my personality, my wants, my needs, my struggles and my personal victories. I've learned a lot about God and His unconditional love. I've learned that I need not constantly stress myself out about my intentions, or whether my heart is in the right place. I've learned that I need not explain myself or validate my every action. I am sure that God is pleased with my desire to please Him, and I am sure that He doesn't expect me to be perfect and is not surprised when I mess up (keyword here is "when.") I've learned to breathe. I've learned to trust. I've learned to suffer. I've learned that there's no hurry in living. Jesus knew all about that, because He's a genius after all. He told us to take things one day at a time. I've really taken that and have tattooed it into my heart.
These things [that I've learned] don't always translate to my "old" life (oh, the joys of moving away). It's hard to grow up being a certain way and work so hard to meet everyone else's expectations in order to find life acceptable, or to find oneself acceptable/love/wanted by others. The weird thing about that is that I was doing those things under the guise of living passionately and intentionally for God. The irony is that it was all in vain--I was really just living for myself.
Anyway, it's hard when people, from my previous "life," aren't able to understand that change or growth and are unable to see past the person they thought they've always known. At least this has been my basic assumption, though, I don't think it's really too far off from the truth. Whatever. The point is none of these people are my enemies. There is no actual war between us.
Yeah, so...today was one of those "come full circle" types of days--Thank you, Jesus (again). I'm beginning to really understand that it's ok to not see eye to eye with everyone; it's virtually impossible when people are standing on various sides of a mountain--people can only see with their own eyes a small part of the "big" picture and their respective points of view are going to be a little different from the next.
And that is ok. It really, really is.
12.12.09
studying in between daydreams...
maybe it's because of the enormous pressure that i've been feeling lately to become a competent nurse by the time I graduate (in three semesters!) that i've turned to dreaming about non-nursing related things that I could be doing for the rest of my life to cope with the stress. Or maybe it's just part of my "jack-of-all-trades" frame of mind--which means that i have a varied interest in...things: I enjoy playing guitar/writing music, i love art, i get giddy about sitting in various coffee shops, drinking from "for here" cups, i love cooking, i love photography, children, i enjoy the vocation of nursing, i have great interest in fashion & interior design, and in the culinary arts, i love traveling... and the list goes on. There must be a reason why God put all those interests inside me. I'm sure they're supposed to come together in some way, shape or form...
so today, in between reading/studying the primary interventions for a burn patient and my roast beef and swiss sandwich-- i came up with the "perfect" life: I would be a nurse by day (or 3 days of the week), of course, but I would eventually have a music therapy clinic, while also co-owning a coffee shop in which my children would help/work in (if they were of age, of course, and if they wanted to, this wouldn't be an infringement of any child labor laws, at all--though i would highly encourage work. i think kids would enjoy that sort of thing, plus it supposedly teaches them responsibility). Did I forget to mention that I went to culinary school in between the establishment of my music therapy clinic and the coffee shop (where I would host different shows/performances and invite my clients from the clinic to attend to these performances). Anyways, because I would be a graduate from culinary school, I would make amazing gourmet meals for my family & friends (for fun and for special occasions: church potlucks, birthdays, etc.) And sometime in between or after culinary school and my coffee-shop, I would record a CD and proceeds from the CD would go to different missionaries and maybe fund some sort of organization that will sponsor a mission trip I would take someday where I will use music therapy in conjuction with my nursing skills to bring Jesus and wholistic healing to the culture/people I encounter on said mission trip. I would also have the time of my life decorating my coffee shop, my clinic and my very own home--while borrowing ideas from places like Anthropologie and Pottery Barn. And I would be the sort of mom that would take lots and lots of pictures of her family and put them up on a blog, or around my home...
Though, reality still likes to penetrate even the thickest and foggiest of daydreams--I probably would have to have my school loans paid off before any of this could happen, if it could ever happen. HAH. ew.
Sigh. Wouldn't that be cool if life did turn out the way we plan it? Maybe some things will come true. It is exciting to think about what God has planned for my life. I have a new found openness to wherever He'll take me, or have me do with the time on Earth He has given me. I firmly believe--with all my heart--that He gives us the desires of our hearts, though, it's only through His perfect timing that these things come about.
Ok. study break over.
so today, in between reading/studying the primary interventions for a burn patient and my roast beef and swiss sandwich-- i came up with the "perfect" life: I would be a nurse by day (or 3 days of the week), of course, but I would eventually have a music therapy clinic, while also co-owning a coffee shop in which my children would help/work in (if they were of age, of course, and if they wanted to, this wouldn't be an infringement of any child labor laws, at all--though i would highly encourage work. i think kids would enjoy that sort of thing, plus it supposedly teaches them responsibility). Did I forget to mention that I went to culinary school in between the establishment of my music therapy clinic and the coffee shop (where I would host different shows/performances and invite my clients from the clinic to attend to these performances). Anyways, because I would be a graduate from culinary school, I would make amazing gourmet meals for my family & friends (for fun and for special occasions: church potlucks, birthdays, etc.) And sometime in between or after culinary school and my coffee-shop, I would record a CD and proceeds from the CD would go to different missionaries and maybe fund some sort of organization that will sponsor a mission trip I would take someday where I will use music therapy in conjuction with my nursing skills to bring Jesus and wholistic healing to the culture/people I encounter on said mission trip. I would also have the time of my life decorating my coffee shop, my clinic and my very own home--while borrowing ideas from places like Anthropologie and Pottery Barn. And I would be the sort of mom that would take lots and lots of pictures of her family and put them up on a blog, or around my home...
Though, reality still likes to penetrate even the thickest and foggiest of daydreams--I probably would have to have my school loans paid off before any of this could happen, if it could ever happen. HAH. ew.
Sigh. Wouldn't that be cool if life did turn out the way we plan it? Maybe some things will come true. It is exciting to think about what God has planned for my life. I have a new found openness to wherever He'll take me, or have me do with the time on Earth He has given me. I firmly believe--with all my heart--that He gives us the desires of our hearts, though, it's only through His perfect timing that these things come about.
Ok. study break over.
5.12.09
pajama kid
most kids stay at home on saturday mornings, either to sleep in from a busy week of school and recess, or to sit in front of the television with a bowl of cereal watching cartoons.
but not pajama kid.
pajama kid forgoes the age-old tradition of Saturday morning cartoons and comes to Starbucks with his mother. He wears his floor length navy-blue fuzzy bathrobe, complete with fuzzy teddy bear slippers and his stuffed spotted leopard shark snuggled nicely in his left arm. His red hair epitomizes the meaning of "bed-head."
I watch pajama kid with great interest and amusement as he bounces up and down with excitement, his eyes gleaming with pure joy as his mother orders him a Venti vanilla bean frappuccino with whipped cream. He holds his mother's hand tightly and snuggles his messy little head in his mothers arm--completely unbeknownst to him that his warddrobe and fuzzy slippers make him stick out like a sore-thumb. Not that he would care. Oh, the days of blissful ignorance.
I find this whole situation endearing and I'm not entirely sure as to why. Maybe it's because I like that it seems that the kid is not being held to the same social standards that I find myself bound and obligated to uphold--i.e., he gets to wear his pajamas to public places and I don't. I admire his mother for risking her reputation of being a "good mother," by taking her kid to Starbucks and ordering him a vanilla bean frappuccino at 9:00 in the morning. And I would like to give her the benefit of a doubt that this ritual is not a regular occurence--judging from the excited/spastic nature of the child in question and his obvious endearment of his mother. But I like this "ritual," or this tradition, where for one morning the child and his child-like nature is exemplified, nurtured and adored, by allowing space for his natural affinity for soft, fuzzy things and sugary foods.
but not pajama kid.
pajama kid forgoes the age-old tradition of Saturday morning cartoons and comes to Starbucks with his mother. He wears his floor length navy-blue fuzzy bathrobe, complete with fuzzy teddy bear slippers and his stuffed spotted leopard shark snuggled nicely in his left arm. His red hair epitomizes the meaning of "bed-head."
I watch pajama kid with great interest and amusement as he bounces up and down with excitement, his eyes gleaming with pure joy as his mother orders him a Venti vanilla bean frappuccino with whipped cream. He holds his mother's hand tightly and snuggles his messy little head in his mothers arm--completely unbeknownst to him that his warddrobe and fuzzy slippers make him stick out like a sore-thumb. Not that he would care. Oh, the days of blissful ignorance.
I find this whole situation endearing and I'm not entirely sure as to why. Maybe it's because I like that it seems that the kid is not being held to the same social standards that I find myself bound and obligated to uphold--i.e., he gets to wear his pajamas to public places and I don't. I admire his mother for risking her reputation of being a "good mother," by taking her kid to Starbucks and ordering him a vanilla bean frappuccino at 9:00 in the morning. And I would like to give her the benefit of a doubt that this ritual is not a regular occurence--judging from the excited/spastic nature of the child in question and his obvious endearment of his mother. But I like this "ritual," or this tradition, where for one morning the child and his child-like nature is exemplified, nurtured and adored, by allowing space for his natural affinity for soft, fuzzy things and sugary foods.
12.11.09
Pressure release.
With all my projects and things building up, approaching the inevitable moment of explosion, which would entail: a few all-nighters and consuming gallons of caffeine in order to get all the I need to turn, turned in... I wanted to just stop and take this moment to remind myself of the good things in life (the love of God and His grace is implied), and the things that I love and appreciate about it, too.
Good thing number one: Indie/Folk music- it soothes my anxiety/stress like chamomille tea with lemon soothes my sore throat.
Good thing number two: food & making it. I find cooking very therapeutic. The other day, I literally made chicken [noodle] soup for MY weary soul. ...Ha?
Good thing number three: Cold weather--just means I get to snuggle under my comforter at night. And it means I get to wear comfy sweats and sweatshirts, too.
Good thing number four: Michael Buble's new CD, Crazy/love.
Good thing number five: Bon Iver's song: Woods. How I savor the sweet memories from my summer at HoneyRock...the beautiful lakeside, the cold, crisp mornings and the amazing people that I have met.
Good thing number six: Iced freakin' Tea. How wonderful and satisfying. Now lipton has these little single serve travel packets, so I can stuff three in my purse and just add it to my Nalgene! (I suppose that would implicate that I drink a lot of tea. Let's just say that I really love tea.)
Good thing number seven: Breathing. One takes it forgranted when you can't do it very well. Thank you, Albuterol.
Good thing number eight: Sleeping. Also becomes quite the commodity, when you realize you can't do it very much right now...
Good thing number one: Indie/Folk music- it soothes my anxiety/stress like chamomille tea with lemon soothes my sore throat.
Good thing number two: food & making it. I find cooking very therapeutic. The other day, I literally made chicken [noodle] soup for MY weary soul. ...Ha?
Good thing number three: Cold weather--just means I get to snuggle under my comforter at night. And it means I get to wear comfy sweats and sweatshirts, too.
Good thing number four: Michael Buble's new CD, Crazy/love.
Good thing number five: Bon Iver's song: Woods. How I savor the sweet memories from my summer at HoneyRock...the beautiful lakeside, the cold, crisp mornings and the amazing people that I have met.
Good thing number six: Iced freakin' Tea. How wonderful and satisfying. Now lipton has these little single serve travel packets, so I can stuff three in my purse and just add it to my Nalgene! (I suppose that would implicate that I drink a lot of tea. Let's just say that I really love tea.)
Good thing number seven: Breathing. One takes it forgranted when you can't do it very well. Thank you, Albuterol.
Good thing number eight: Sleeping. Also becomes quite the commodity, when you realize you can't do it very much right now...
12.12.08
Naming my un-born child.
I did not intend for the title of my blog post to be so...creepy. Hah. Oh well.
You might find this surprising, since my affinity for children is borderline obsessive--but don't worry your kids are safe with me, I promise (can't guarantee I'll give them back though. Just kidding!) Anyway, as I was saying, you might be surprised to find out, that even though I love children, I have never really thought about potential names for potential children that I might produce someday. The reason for that is because thinking of potential children leads to thinking about potential husbands, or boyfriends, or weddings... stuff that I don't really care to think about or dwell on. Especially as of late, because believe it or not: boys stink. Sorry. They do. I try to stay away from them, or anything that has facial hair or speaks an octave lower than me.
Well, ok. It's not like I never think about weddings and/or stuff like that, I just try not to do it too much.
Anywho. Baby names. Ok well, today I ran across a name that I thought was...the greatest name. I recognize that that is a completely subjective statement and YOU may not agree with me, but I'm going to tell you anway. The name is... Milann (pronounced--carissa, help me out here--"mull-ahn"). Yeah. Like the city in Italy. I just think it's so... elegant. If God chooses to bless with me with a daughter (after he blesses me with a boyfriend who turns into a husband, etc), I am naming her Milann. Or at least that will be one of her names. She might have two.
Yeah, I know it's unorthodox. But I am a fan of unorthodox. After all, my real name IS Lenimfa.
11.12.08
White Elephant!
I love Christmas for many reasons: Christ's birth, the nativity, peppermint tuxedo mochas (white chocolate + hot cocoa + espresso + peppermint), making paper snowflakes, How the Grinch stole Christmas, christmas sweaters, christmas lights and A Very Rosie Thomas Christmas (fantastic Christmas album if you're looking for one to offset all the Nat King Cole that's playing on the radio). Christmas is also a season of a bajillion Christmas parties that we get invited to. And Christmas parties means gift exchanges. And the best kind of gift exchanging is white elephant, which is really more like a game than it is about getting presents.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with a white elephant gift exchange, it is simply this: a hilarious event, where people bring random/outlandish gifts instead of store bought, serious gifts under $10 (i.e socks, scarves, picture frames, etc). Apparently this tradition finds its origin from Asian countries-- more specifically Thailand and Burma-- that culturally regarded white elephants as holy beings, believed to bring fertility, prosperity and power. The people believed that, due to the nature of these creatures (and since the death of a white elephant would spell disaster), they needed to pampered and served with special foods, given elaborate housings, etc. However, due to large amounts of resources needed, only Kings were able to afford the "basic" upkeep. Anyway, to make a long story short, the origin of elephant gifts came from kings, when very displeased with an assistant, would give this un-lucky assistant the elephant as a "gift" of honor. And at first, the gift does seem like an honor, however, as the assistant tries to bear the financial (and probably emotional) burden of taking care of such a holy being, the novelty of the gift wears off. Elephant gifts were the cause of financial crippling for many of these unfortunate assistants. This I find ironic since these elephants were supposed to bring prosperity and power. Hmmm. Tsk. Tsk. Well anyway, a white elephant, therefore, has become a symbol of a prized possession, whose maintenance cost, exceeds it's worth.
I was first introduced to this phenomenon in highschool. And I don't mean to brag, but, I'm kind of like, really good at it. Really good at picking out elephant gifts, I mean. I attribute this ability to my quirky personality and having a natural propensity to be random and unintelligible. For example (s), one year I drew a life size portrait of myself (yes, it was 5 feet 4 inches long) and gave that away to a very lucky individual: my friend Stephanie. Another year, I found a chandelier in my garage and after asking my parent's for permission, I put said chandelier in a very large box and Kirk Obermann walked away with that beauty (talk about a prized possession exceeding it's worth.) I think it was the year after that, that I gave a $10 gift card from Baby's R Us, complete with a "congratulations on your new baby!" card. Then there was the statue of a fisherman. It was a very nice statue: picturesque and nostalgic, a lunch box in his right hand, a fishing pole in the left. The best part about him though was that he had a duck head...for a head. Oh and the list goes on and on: a framed poster of Oscar De La Hoya (the boxer), my phone number (haha, a little presumptous, I know), and a pink, heart-shaped dog-tag I had made at wal-mart that said "I've been to 2nd base and back,"--BASE was the name of the floor that I lived on for two years at Biola...it also happened to be on the 2nd floor of the dorm. Hence, the name "2nd Base," and all the immature jr. high jokes that came along with that. JP Robles was the one who walked away with that necklace/dog-tag. I still see him around campus, wearing that necklace, proudly.
Tonight, we're doing a white elephant at the Level 1 Nursing party at Jessika McKay's house. I get to go shopping today for that. How exciting! I am ready. Ready for what the Thrift store has in "store" for me. I am ready. Here I go.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with a white elephant gift exchange, it is simply this: a hilarious event, where people bring random/outlandish gifts instead of store bought, serious gifts under $10 (i.e socks, scarves, picture frames, etc). Apparently this tradition finds its origin from Asian countries-- more specifically Thailand and Burma-- that culturally regarded white elephants as holy beings, believed to bring fertility, prosperity and power. The people believed that, due to the nature of these creatures (and since the death of a white elephant would spell disaster), they needed to pampered and served with special foods, given elaborate housings, etc. However, due to large amounts of resources needed, only Kings were able to afford the "basic" upkeep. Anyway, to make a long story short, the origin of elephant gifts came from kings, when very displeased with an assistant, would give this un-lucky assistant the elephant as a "gift" of honor. And at first, the gift does seem like an honor, however, as the assistant tries to bear the financial (and probably emotional) burden of taking care of such a holy being, the novelty of the gift wears off. Elephant gifts were the cause of financial crippling for many of these unfortunate assistants. This I find ironic since these elephants were supposed to bring prosperity and power. Hmmm. Tsk. Tsk. Well anyway, a white elephant, therefore, has become a symbol of a prized possession, whose maintenance cost, exceeds it's worth.
I was first introduced to this phenomenon in highschool. And I don't mean to brag, but, I'm kind of like, really good at it. Really good at picking out elephant gifts, I mean. I attribute this ability to my quirky personality and having a natural propensity to be random and unintelligible. For example (s), one year I drew a life size portrait of myself (yes, it was 5 feet 4 inches long) and gave that away to a very lucky individual: my friend Stephanie. Another year, I found a chandelier in my garage and after asking my parent's for permission, I put said chandelier in a very large box and Kirk Obermann walked away with that beauty (talk about a prized possession exceeding it's worth.) I think it was the year after that, that I gave a $10 gift card from Baby's R Us, complete with a "congratulations on your new baby!" card. Then there was the statue of a fisherman. It was a very nice statue: picturesque and nostalgic, a lunch box in his right hand, a fishing pole in the left. The best part about him though was that he had a duck head...for a head. Oh and the list goes on and on: a framed poster of Oscar De La Hoya (the boxer), my phone number (haha, a little presumptous, I know), and a pink, heart-shaped dog-tag I had made at wal-mart that said "I've been to 2nd base and back,"--BASE was the name of the floor that I lived on for two years at Biola...it also happened to be on the 2nd floor of the dorm. Hence, the name "2nd Base," and all the immature jr. high jokes that came along with that. JP Robles was the one who walked away with that necklace/dog-tag. I still see him around campus, wearing that necklace, proudly.
Tonight, we're doing a white elephant at the Level 1 Nursing party at Jessika McKay's house. I get to go shopping today for that. How exciting! I am ready. Ready for what the Thrift store has in "store" for me. I am ready. Here I go.
6.12.08
Pre-Homework bloggage.
I had all sorts of lofty ideals today about getting things done. I was going to get up at 8:00 this morning, get ready and do homework/study till 4:00pm, clean the kitchen and then head over to the Paschall's to babysit Ramie, Brody and Brenner.
Thus far, all I've done today is shower, journal for an hour and half, send a mass text to people I love and appreciate telling them how much I love and appreciate them, then I played guitar for an hour and now...I'm blogging. I think I've pretty much given up on whatever schedule I had for myself. Dahr. But it's ok because I felt like I was productive in a different way. I read 1 Thessalonians this morning and was greatly encouraged by this verse in particular:
YES. God wins. He always wins. He's on my side...so I win, too. I hope that's not to blasphemous to say. I am not boasting in myself, but in Christ, through whom all things are possible. I love being a part of God's chosen generation. I hope I'm not coming off annoyingly optimistic. Would it help to say that life is hard? Because it sho' is. But life IS about sanctification, if you are loved by God. Still, that doesn't take the reality of painful situations away, but it does give us hope. As it says in 1 Thessalonians 5, that is why we put on the "breastplate of faith and love"--to protect our hearts-- and for a "helmet"--to protect our minds--the hope of salvation. While God does care amidst our trials and is so intimately involved in the details of our lives, He also has something greater for us, greater than even the greatest pain we might experience in our lifetime. And to be able to sincerely find hope and comfort in God's promises takes growth and growth takes time and the process of growing is the process of sanctification. God will help us see His glory in all things, in His perfect timing. And when it does happen, it is AWESOME.
With that said, I will now completely change the subject. Yesterday was my last clinical day at the hospital this semester and I got to spend it in the operating room. Yes, I got to observe a total hysterectomy (removal of a woman's uterus and cervix) and the best part of my day was when the surgeon placed the uterus and cervix in my gloved hands. YEAH I KNOW. Crazy. I thought he was just going to show me what a uterus looked like when he called me over to his side. I did not expect him to actually...give it to me. Well, he didn't give it to me. I didn't go home with another person's uterus in a jar. The doctor just handed it to me so I can say..."Yeah, I held a uterus." I eventually passed it to the nurse, who was waiting with a container, labeled "to Pathology." But wow, what a day, eh?
I cannot wait to finish nursing school--as fun as it is. I just want to be done with school. PERIOD. I told my roommates that I am throwing THE biggest party when I graduate in 2011. I also said, "Wouldn't it be great if that party happened to be a wedding? I mean, it would be so much more cost-effective to just have ONE big party instead of...two."
Haha, not that I'm in control of my life. But, hey...I can dream.
Thus far, all I've done today is shower, journal for an hour and half, send a mass text to people I love and appreciate telling them how much I love and appreciate them, then I played guitar for an hour and now...I'm blogging. I think I've pretty much given up on whatever schedule I had for myself. Dahr. But it's ok because I felt like I was productive in a different way. I read 1 Thessalonians this morning and was greatly encouraged by this verse in particular:
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, he will surely do it. [1 Thessalonians 5: 23-24]
YES. God wins. He always wins. He's on my side...so I win, too. I hope that's not to blasphemous to say. I am not boasting in myself, but in Christ, through whom all things are possible. I love being a part of God's chosen generation. I hope I'm not coming off annoyingly optimistic. Would it help to say that life is hard? Because it sho' is. But life IS about sanctification, if you are loved by God. Still, that doesn't take the reality of painful situations away, but it does give us hope. As it says in 1 Thessalonians 5, that is why we put on the "breastplate of faith and love"--to protect our hearts-- and for a "helmet"--to protect our minds--the hope of salvation. While God does care amidst our trials and is so intimately involved in the details of our lives, He also has something greater for us, greater than even the greatest pain we might experience in our lifetime. And to be able to sincerely find hope and comfort in God's promises takes growth and growth takes time and the process of growing is the process of sanctification. God will help us see His glory in all things, in His perfect timing. And when it does happen, it is AWESOME.
With that said, I will now completely change the subject. Yesterday was my last clinical day at the hospital this semester and I got to spend it in the operating room. Yes, I got to observe a total hysterectomy (removal of a woman's uterus and cervix) and the best part of my day was when the surgeon placed the uterus and cervix in my gloved hands. YEAH I KNOW. Crazy. I thought he was just going to show me what a uterus looked like when he called me over to his side. I did not expect him to actually...give it to me. Well, he didn't give it to me. I didn't go home with another person's uterus in a jar. The doctor just handed it to me so I can say..."Yeah, I held a uterus." I eventually passed it to the nurse, who was waiting with a container, labeled "to Pathology." But wow, what a day, eh?
I cannot wait to finish nursing school--as fun as it is. I just want to be done with school. PERIOD. I told my roommates that I am throwing THE biggest party when I graduate in 2011. I also said, "Wouldn't it be great if that party happened to be a wedding? I mean, it would be so much more cost-effective to just have ONE big party instead of...two."
Haha, not that I'm in control of my life. But, hey...I can dream.
1.12.08
Perky-ness: no caffeine required.
Maybe it was because Thanksgiving break was one of the best Thanksgiving breaks I've had in a long time. But I was incredibly perky today. Then again, I was incredibly perky all of last week.
It was so good to be home. Last week at a glance:
-I enjoyed the potluck on Tuesday night with my college group and singing 80's classics with Pastor Paul after the small group ended. The funniest moment of the night was when one of the Russian guys asked if he could hug me, which he then followed with a request for my phone number. "What?" After college group, a group of us went to Megan Spain's HUGE house out in the country and hung out till 2:00 in the morning, playing guitar and singing random folk songs (or turning pop songs into folk songs).
- On Wednesday, I got to spend some downtime with my best friend, Cristi. And she insisted that we watch "Hope Floats," with Harry Connick, Jr and Sandra Bullock. Even though I gave her a hard time about the movie, I secretly liked it. But shhh, don't tell.
-Thursday: My family and I made homemade lumpia (or filipino egg rolls. click HERE to learn more) on Thanksgiving day. I know, so cute, right? My brothers and I had great conversations throughout the week and I am greatly encouraged by how they're growing up. Granted, they're not perfect, but it really means a lot to me when my brothers tell me, at random points of the day, that they love me a lot. I am a "words of affirmation" type of person. And my brothers were definitely very affirming. :)
-Friday: Broomball is always a fun time. My church goes once a month and we play at the Gateway Ice Center in downtown Fresno. I think I was being a little too competitive since I managed to knock a few people over during the game. After broomball, we hung out at In-and-Out. I started a small French-Fry fight (to which my new friend, Vlad commented, "I've never seen a girl throw french fries before." Funny). I also managed to spill Dave Ashjian's diet coke all over him and Cristi, who was sitting next to him. Oops.
-Saturday: Potluck at Russell, Mike and Garrett's place (a place I like to call "the Outhouse" because it is so "out there." hah). People brought different foods, including mashed potatoes from a box! Definitely a first for me. After dinner, we played team charades by a bonfire and I somehow, managed to be the prop for most, if not all, the scenarios given. FUN! After I left "the Outhouse," my parents and I and my brother Lenny (Lenard was working and was unable to join us), went out for sushi and then watched "Bolt" afterwards. I highly recommend that movie if you like cute and funny. Or if you like talking, obese hamsters stuck inside a ball. I give it 2 thumbs WAY up.
-Sunday: I was reminded that all good things in life come from God. Pastor Paul taught on this passage from James 1: 17-19:
And last but not least:
this video says it all.
It was so good to be home. Last week at a glance:
-I enjoyed the potluck on Tuesday night with my college group and singing 80's classics with Pastor Paul after the small group ended. The funniest moment of the night was when one of the Russian guys asked if he could hug me, which he then followed with a request for my phone number. "What?" After college group, a group of us went to Megan Spain's HUGE house out in the country and hung out till 2:00 in the morning, playing guitar and singing random folk songs (or turning pop songs into folk songs).
- On Wednesday, I got to spend some downtime with my best friend, Cristi. And she insisted that we watch "Hope Floats," with Harry Connick, Jr and Sandra Bullock. Even though I gave her a hard time about the movie, I secretly liked it. But shhh, don't tell.
-Thursday: My family and I made homemade lumpia (or filipino egg rolls. click HERE to learn more) on Thanksgiving day. I know, so cute, right? My brothers and I had great conversations throughout the week and I am greatly encouraged by how they're growing up. Granted, they're not perfect, but it really means a lot to me when my brothers tell me, at random points of the day, that they love me a lot. I am a "words of affirmation" type of person. And my brothers were definitely very affirming. :)
-Friday: Broomball is always a fun time. My church goes once a month and we play at the Gateway Ice Center in downtown Fresno. I think I was being a little too competitive since I managed to knock a few people over during the game. After broomball, we hung out at In-and-Out. I started a small French-Fry fight (to which my new friend, Vlad commented, "I've never seen a girl throw french fries before." Funny). I also managed to spill Dave Ashjian's diet coke all over him and Cristi, who was sitting next to him. Oops.
-Saturday: Potluck at Russell, Mike and Garrett's place (a place I like to call "the Outhouse" because it is so "out there." hah). People brought different foods, including mashed potatoes from a box! Definitely a first for me. After dinner, we played team charades by a bonfire and I somehow, managed to be the prop for most, if not all, the scenarios given. FUN! After I left "the Outhouse," my parents and I and my brother Lenny (Lenard was working and was unable to join us), went out for sushi and then watched "Bolt" afterwards. I highly recommend that movie if you like cute and funny. Or if you like talking, obese hamsters stuck inside a ball. I give it 2 thumbs WAY up.
-Sunday: I was reminded that all good things in life come from God. Pastor Paul taught on this passage from James 1: 17-19:
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from(B) the Father of lights(C) with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.[a] 18(D) Of his own will he(E) brought us forth by the word of truth,(F) that we should be a kind of(G) firstfruits of his creatures.This brings us to today: I truly am thankful to be in a place where I can sincerely thank God for His grace, even when life is hard. Life has not been easy for the past year and a half. And I know that it has not been always easy to say that God is good. But today, I was able to reflect on the goodness of God by taking a step back and looking at the good and wonderful things in my life and things that He has taught me. This blessed my soul and my spirit GREATLY. Just thinking back on the week I've had and the blessings I continue to have in my relationship with the Father, through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, I am SO SO SO blessed. I am grateful that God is faithful, that He is good and un-changing. He has blessed me with a loving family, encouraging friends, a reconciled relationship with Him through Jesus Christ, an increasing knowledge and pursuit of Him, the nursing program, children that I can hang out with on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, a great place to live and wonderful roommates to live with...the list goes on and on. It is days like these that make the trials so worth it, because God's glory shines brighter and clearer. His goodness is no longer something lofty that I cannot understand. His goodness and His greatness becomes more and more real.
And last but not least:
this video says it all.
2.7.08
My new favorite thing
Today after working out, I decided to venture into unfamiliar territory: the Super1(one) Asian Market on the corner of Beach and Rosecrans. I needed rice so I figured it would be the best place to go.
As I walked through the automatic sliding doors, I felt like I was transported into another dimension. The asian dimension. What was supposed to be a quick run to the grocery store was prolonged into an hour long tour of the entire market. I was completely fascinated with everything that was in there--from the flower shop with authentic rainforest sounds to the lingerie shop, placed in between the "children's corner" and the deli. It was a menagerie of miscellaneous items. "One of these things is not like the other..." kept playing in my head as I browsed around.
Anyway, I managed to find the rice aisle. I was all set to go with my prize (plus a few other things I picked up on the way) when I came across this:
It's a rice dispenser! At least that's what I gathered from the picture (since I don't read Japanese). I looked at by bag of rice and then looked again at this amazing invention, thinking to myself: "Life just got a little bit easier. And more fun!" I grabbed it from the shelf and quickly made my way to the check-out counter before I was tempted to buy anything else.
As soon as I got home, I ripped the box out of the bag, thoroughly excited about my new toy. However, I ran across a slight problem. Nothing on the box was in English. Which is fine, except that I didn't know how to put it together. Fortunately, the manufacturers were kind enough to provide pictures. (Though, in retrospect, I don't think I read instructions, in the first place. It's a bad habit of mine to skim over instructions and just look at pictures. I am very much a visual person. Words can bore me sometimes. Ironic, isn't it?)
Once taken out of the box, I thought that it looked like medical supplies. Especially that syringe looking contraption in the middle. Hmmm.
At long last. It is finished:
(rice not included)
Making rice will be so much more fun now. I'm excited.
As I walked through the automatic sliding doors, I felt like I was transported into another dimension. The asian dimension. What was supposed to be a quick run to the grocery store was prolonged into an hour long tour of the entire market. I was completely fascinated with everything that was in there--from the flower shop with authentic rainforest sounds to the lingerie shop, placed in between the "children's corner" and the deli. It was a menagerie of miscellaneous items. "One of these things is not like the other..." kept playing in my head as I browsed around.
Anyway, I managed to find the rice aisle. I was all set to go with my prize (plus a few other things I picked up on the way) when I came across this:
It's a rice dispenser! At least that's what I gathered from the picture (since I don't read Japanese). I looked at by bag of rice and then looked again at this amazing invention, thinking to myself: "Life just got a little bit easier. And more fun!" I grabbed it from the shelf and quickly made my way to the check-out counter before I was tempted to buy anything else.
As soon as I got home, I ripped the box out of the bag, thoroughly excited about my new toy. However, I ran across a slight problem. Nothing on the box was in English. Which is fine, except that I didn't know how to put it together. Fortunately, the manufacturers were kind enough to provide pictures. (Though, in retrospect, I don't think I read instructions, in the first place. It's a bad habit of mine to skim over instructions and just look at pictures. I am very much a visual person. Words can bore me sometimes. Ironic, isn't it?)
Once taken out of the box, I thought that it looked like medical supplies. Especially that syringe looking contraption in the middle. Hmmm.At long last. It is finished:
(rice not included)Making rice will be so much more fun now. I'm excited.
29.6.08
To be or Knott's Berry...
Yeah, I know that was bad. Sorry, I couldn't help it.
Today my friend Jennie and I went to Knott's for free! She's an EMT at Care Ambulance and the company wanted to show their appreciation by giving all the EMTs (and their friends and family) a day pass to Knott's Berry Farm, which also included a yummy ribs/fried chicken all-you-can-eat-buffet for dinner.
The day went pretty well, except for the fact that I am a pansy when it comes to roller coasters of any kind, or any ride that is even remotely close to a "thrill" ride. I do not exaggerate when I say that I absolutely abhor roller coasters. I hate, in the strongest sense of the word, that feeling that I get in my stomach when I'm plummeted against my will at 40-60mph towards the ground. Yeah, no thank you; I don't like feeling as if my innards are being compressed in a trash compactor, or...picked up like a wet wash cloth and wrung out to dry.
Unfortunately, riding those "thrill" rides was all that seemed worthwhile doing at Knott's Berry Farm--since it lacked the charm and pizazz of the Happiest Place on Earth. And Jennie, whom I assumed to be docile and un-adventurous, wanted to go on most of the roller coasters. This obviously posed a problem. She tried to convince me by saying that it was good pain. I dug my heels in the dirt and said "Heck No." Every time I walk out of the Tower of Terror (I've gone 3, maybe 4 times) I always wonder angrily as to why anyone enjoys that sort of thing...
I somehow managed to bend a little. Though not as much as Jennie would've liked (sorry). I went on the Silver Bullet, the Whirlwind and...well, yeah that's about it. When Jennie suggested the GhostRider, I almost passed out. I'm glad Jennie and I are such good friends and that our friendship is not contingent upon how many roller coasters I ride (or not ride) with her.
In other news: Jennie and I got to see Wall-E for free! After Knott's, I drove Jennie's car (cause she was eating pie in the passenger seat) to downtown disney and then stood in line at the AMC to buy our $10 ticket for the 7pm showing. Suddenly out of nowhere (or so it seemed), a kind-looking gentleman approached Jennie and asked if she wanted a couple of free tickets for Wall-E. Uhm...did he have to ask? Of course we did!
Interesting enough, the tickets were for a "private party" in Theatre 8. Apparently, the ALA (American Librarian Association) was having a conference in Anaheim and as part of their reward for being great and dedicated librarians, they were all given tickets to see Wall-E for free.
Random? Yes. and Amazing.
Today my friend Jennie and I went to Knott's for free! She's an EMT at Care Ambulance and the company wanted to show their appreciation by giving all the EMTs (and their friends and family) a day pass to Knott's Berry Farm, which also included a yummy ribs/fried chicken all-you-can-eat-buffet for dinner.The day went pretty well, except for the fact that I am a pansy when it comes to roller coasters of any kind, or any ride that is even remotely close to a "thrill" ride. I do not exaggerate when I say that I absolutely abhor roller coasters. I hate, in the strongest sense of the word, that feeling that I get in my stomach when I'm plummeted against my will at 40-60mph towards the ground. Yeah, no thank you; I don't like feeling as if my innards are being compressed in a trash compactor, or...picked up like a wet wash cloth and wrung out to dry.
Unfortunately, riding those "thrill" rides was all that seemed worthwhile doing at Knott's Berry Farm--since it lacked the charm and pizazz of the Happiest Place on Earth. And Jennie, whom I assumed to be docile and un-adventurous, wanted to go on most of the roller coasters. This obviously posed a problem. She tried to convince me by saying that it was good pain. I dug my heels in the dirt and said "Heck No." Every time I walk out of the Tower of Terror (I've gone 3, maybe 4 times) I always wonder angrily as to why anyone enjoys that sort of thing...
I somehow managed to bend a little. Though not as much as Jennie would've liked (sorry). I went on the Silver Bullet, the Whirlwind and...well, yeah that's about it. When Jennie suggested the GhostRider, I almost passed out. I'm glad Jennie and I are such good friends and that our friendship is not contingent upon how many roller coasters I ride (or not ride) with her.
In other news: Jennie and I got to see Wall-E for free! After Knott's, I drove Jennie's car (cause she was eating pie in the passenger seat) to downtown disney and then stood in line at the AMC to buy our $10 ticket for the 7pm showing. Suddenly out of nowhere (or so it seemed), a kind-looking gentleman approached Jennie and asked if she wanted a couple of free tickets for Wall-E. Uhm...did he have to ask? Of course we did!
Interesting enough, the tickets were for a "private party" in Theatre 8. Apparently, the ALA (American Librarian Association) was having a conference in Anaheim and as part of their reward for being great and dedicated librarians, they were all given tickets to see Wall-E for free.
Random? Yes. and Amazing.
26.6.08
Another hole in my nose...
This morning, I woke up fully determined to get my nose pierced. So, shortly after work, a friend and I headed over to Nothing Shocking (a Christian tattoo/piercing parlor in downtown Fullerton) to get it done.
the after-picture:
...I know you can barely tell in this picture. If you look closely, it's on the left side of my nose. It seems like I should've had a nose piercing all along. I'm quite content with it. Though I doubt that my parents will be. Being old fashioned and quite close-minded when it comes to things like changing one's hair color and piercing one's nose, I know that they won't be very happy. I'm sad about that because my parents will assume that it is a latent act of rebellion, which isn't true. I'm 23 years old. I am living on my own, in a house four hours away from home. I'm a big girl.
I know that my parents will eventually get over it. They were able to adjust to the fact that my hair is reddish-brown instead of it's original black. It's only a matter of time.
...till then: Viva La Nose piercing!
[edit: if this nose piercing will cause too much grief for my parents, i'll remove it. keeping the bling on my nose is not worth a lifetime of dissension]
the after-picture:
...I know you can barely tell in this picture. If you look closely, it's on the left side of my nose. It seems like I should've had a nose piercing all along. I'm quite content with it. Though I doubt that my parents will be. Being old fashioned and quite close-minded when it comes to things like changing one's hair color and piercing one's nose, I know that they won't be very happy. I'm sad about that because my parents will assume that it is a latent act of rebellion, which isn't true. I'm 23 years old. I am living on my own, in a house four hours away from home. I'm a big girl.
I know that my parents will eventually get over it. They were able to adjust to the fact that my hair is reddish-brown instead of it's original black. It's only a matter of time.
...till then: Viva La Nose piercing!
[edit: if this nose piercing will cause too much grief for my parents, i'll remove it. keeping the bling on my nose is not worth a lifetime of dissension]
25.6.08
Harrumph.
(above: "When name badges attack!")It's only Wednesday and I've already worked 30 hours (woo!). I don't mind it, really. But I am SO tired.
that's all. Nothing too profound, eh?
that's all. Nothing too profound, eh?
29.3.08
Things I love.
I feel the need to write something arbitrary. And usually when I'm feeling arbitrary, I make lists.
[disclaimer: and this is a list in addition to what I love more than anything, like God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit]
#1: Baby dragons- no, I'm not talking about komodo dragons. I'm talking about real dragons. The kind that flies, breathes fire and kidnaps damsels. I think they are magnificent.
#2: The color red- it's vivacious, vivid, and voluptuous.
#3: The smell of hair-dye- I think that's pretty self-explanatory. don't judge.
#4: Intense fight scenes in movies- sword-fights, ninjas and martial artists kicking the bad guys BEEhinds in the coolest way possible. Something in me wishes that I could fight, not that I would actually pick fights, but just so I know that I can.
#5: Gerbera daisies- red, yellow, black and white...they are precious in my sight!
#6: Ridiculously cheesy jokes- i'm a big nerd. I'm sure those of who you know me have already gathered that.
#7: The Mighty Ducks trilogy- oh, that Charlie Conway (aka Joshua Jackson)...what a stud. Then he moved on from playing hockey to playing Joey, Katie Holmes character, on Dawson's Creek. Too bad.
#8: Little heads upon my shoulders- I love it when little kids cuddle just because they want to. Like when they just climb on your lap when they want to show you something that they've just drawn, or a book that they want you to read to them.
#9: Suspenseful thrillers- I may turn my eyes away, or bury my head on a neighbor's shoulders, but, in a weird way, I enjoy or rather, emotionally-appreciate, not knowing what lurks behind the shadowy corners of a dark room. (Except I didn't enjoy "No Country for Old Men." I hate that movie. When I watched it, I felt like my soul was being eaten alive).
#10: Inspiration point- it's a great place to get away and stare at the vastness of the ocean and find myself, once again, overwhelmed that the God who made the seemingly immeasurable ocean, is far greater than ALL of His creation.
[disclaimer: and this is a list in addition to what I love more than anything, like God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit]
#1: Baby dragons- no, I'm not talking about komodo dragons. I'm talking about real dragons. The kind that flies, breathes fire and kidnaps damsels. I think they are magnificent.
#2: The color red- it's vivacious, vivid, and voluptuous.
#3: The smell of hair-dye- I think that's pretty self-explanatory. don't judge.
#4: Intense fight scenes in movies- sword-fights, ninjas and martial artists kicking the bad guys BEEhinds in the coolest way possible. Something in me wishes that I could fight, not that I would actually pick fights, but just so I know that I can.
#5: Gerbera daisies- red, yellow, black and white...they are precious in my sight!
#6: Ridiculously cheesy jokes- i'm a big nerd. I'm sure those of who you know me have already gathered that.
#7: The Mighty Ducks trilogy- oh, that Charlie Conway (aka Joshua Jackson)...what a stud. Then he moved on from playing hockey to playing Joey, Katie Holmes character, on Dawson's Creek. Too bad.
#8: Little heads upon my shoulders- I love it when little kids cuddle just because they want to. Like when they just climb on your lap when they want to show you something that they've just drawn, or a book that they want you to read to them.
#9: Suspenseful thrillers- I may turn my eyes away, or bury my head on a neighbor's shoulders, but, in a weird way, I enjoy or rather, emotionally-appreciate, not knowing what lurks behind the shadowy corners of a dark room. (Except I didn't enjoy "No Country for Old Men." I hate that movie. When I watched it, I felt like my soul was being eaten alive).
#10: Inspiration point- it's a great place to get away and stare at the vastness of the ocean and find myself, once again, overwhelmed that the God who made the seemingly immeasurable ocean, is far greater than ALL of His creation.
25.3.08
I am an anti-hermit.
I think I just made that word up. You'll probably want to use it after I explain what it means. Then I'll probably have to charge you a nickel for every time you say it.
Anti-hermitism is a revolt against all things that would force someone (such as myself) to become a hermit, or become secluded from the outside world. Therefore, I am a zealous supporter of anti-hermitism. I am an anti-hermit.
The reason behind the coinage of this term is in regards to the comment a friend of mine made earlier today. We were talking about how I am planning to move out of the dorms and into an actual apartment and, come summer time, I need to have a stable job in order to pay for said apartment. In response to this he said something along the lines of, "In addition to working, you're also going to be a nursing major, meaning you'll be virtually non-existent next year." I was taken by surprise, but recovered quickly enough to say, "Nuh-uh. I refuse to be a hermit."(I am so articulate sometimes, it's scary).
And that has always been the case for me (refusing to be a hermit, I mean, and not being articulate. Don't know where that came from). I don't think I blatantly disregard all my responsibilities, but some things just pale in comparison to spending time with people. And I love people. So much so that sometimes I do have to lock myself in a room (or a library) in order to get homework done.
So what will next year look like for me? Granted that I will be really busy, but I know myself enough to say that I will make time for people. What's a perfect GPA in nursing school worth, if I become disconnected to close friends? And will a well-endowed bank account matter, if I completely disregard spending time with people?
I know it's all about finding the right balance. Swaying too far into any of the two possible extremes would be detrimental to my emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. Actually, I see myself sitting right on the line between: blatant disregard for responsibilities and doing as much work necessary while spending time with important people in my life . I will definitely have to be careful and aware, in order to guard against swinging too far into the point of no return.
Why couldn't I just major in people-studies? No, I don't mean anthropology. That is entirely different from what I'm alluding too. In "people-studies," I would just hang out with friends and do all the things that friends do in order to ace my major.
yeah, but life doesn't work that way.
(p.s. maybe I sort of lied. I do become a hermit sometimes and can voluntarily stay away from people for hours at a time. So, maybe I'm not as zealous about anti-hermitism as I professed I was. Sorry! I was caught up in the moment.)
Anti-hermitism is a revolt against all things that would force someone (such as myself) to become a hermit, or become secluded from the outside world. Therefore, I am a zealous supporter of anti-hermitism. I am an anti-hermit.
The reason behind the coinage of this term is in regards to the comment a friend of mine made earlier today. We were talking about how I am planning to move out of the dorms and into an actual apartment and, come summer time, I need to have a stable job in order to pay for said apartment. In response to this he said something along the lines of, "In addition to working, you're also going to be a nursing major, meaning you'll be virtually non-existent next year." I was taken by surprise, but recovered quickly enough to say, "Nuh-uh. I refuse to be a hermit."(I am so articulate sometimes, it's scary).
And that has always been the case for me (refusing to be a hermit, I mean, and not being articulate. Don't know where that came from). I don't think I blatantly disregard all my responsibilities, but some things just pale in comparison to spending time with people. And I love people. So much so that sometimes I do have to lock myself in a room (or a library) in order to get homework done.
So what will next year look like for me? Granted that I will be really busy, but I know myself enough to say that I will make time for people. What's a perfect GPA in nursing school worth, if I become disconnected to close friends? And will a well-endowed bank account matter, if I completely disregard spending time with people?
I know it's all about finding the right balance. Swaying too far into any of the two possible extremes would be detrimental to my emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. Actually, I see myself sitting right on the line between: blatant disregard for responsibilities and doing as much work necessary while spending time with important people in my life . I will definitely have to be careful and aware, in order to guard against swinging too far into the point of no return.
Why couldn't I just major in people-studies? No, I don't mean anthropology. That is entirely different from what I'm alluding too. In "people-studies," I would just hang out with friends and do all the things that friends do in order to ace my major.
yeah, but life doesn't work that way.
(p.s. maybe I sort of lied. I do become a hermit sometimes and can voluntarily stay away from people for hours at a time. So, maybe I'm not as zealous about anti-hermitism as I professed I was. Sorry! I was caught up in the moment.)
24.3.08
The answer to boredom is a lobotomy.
"I need somewhere to fall apart"
"here, would you like to do so...in my arms?"
[insert flashing debonair smile and Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love." ]
yes, my head came up with that all on it's own. sometimes I wonder if my brain actually belongs to me. it's quite possible that I had a brain transplant earlier on in life. one would assume that I'd remember something as significant as a lobotomy except that...I would have a new brain, therefore, deeming all previous memories obsolete.
I think I say those things, mostly, to amuse myself. I'm sure you're amused, too. But please don't judge me... I'm just bored.
I've been listening to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova sing and lament about the pains of unrequited love. I love the songs that they sing. They're simplistic and depressing, but beautiful, nonetheless. The songs are also inspiring; so much so that I have written my own lament about my exasperated (past) experiences with romance. I doubt that anyone will actually hear this song, though. It's not something I see myself playing for anyone; it's kind of embarrassing. And no, the lines that I began this journal entry with are not part of my song. (Though that would be ridiculously hysterical).
on a less related note: today, my brain forgot that it was March.
"here, would you like to do so...in my arms?"
[insert flashing debonair smile and Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love." ]
yes, my head came up with that all on it's own. sometimes I wonder if my brain actually belongs to me. it's quite possible that I had a brain transplant earlier on in life. one would assume that I'd remember something as significant as a lobotomy except that...I would have a new brain, therefore, deeming all previous memories obsolete.
I think I say those things, mostly, to amuse myself. I'm sure you're amused, too. But please don't judge me... I'm just bored.
I've been listening to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova sing and lament about the pains of unrequited love. I love the songs that they sing. They're simplistic and depressing, but beautiful, nonetheless. The songs are also inspiring; so much so that I have written my own lament about my exasperated (past) experiences with romance. I doubt that anyone will actually hear this song, though. It's not something I see myself playing for anyone; it's kind of embarrassing. And no, the lines that I began this journal entry with are not part of my song. (Though that would be ridiculously hysterical).
on a less related note: today, my brain forgot that it was March.
22.3.08
At long last.
I am going to be a nurse. I have finally, been accepted into a nursing program. This is so wonderful! (The fact that a small aspect of my life has reached this level of certainty is a little overwhelming.)
Coming home with such good news has put my parents in the best mood I've seen them in since...the day my brother, Lenard, got the Student of the Year award in 6th grade. That's probably an over-exaggeration. However, I do sort of feel like I'm their favorite child right now. Maybe it's a combination of their dreams coming true and my coming home after being away for about three months, but I am being showered with love and presents. I'm not complaining. But it is rather awkward at times. I never know what to do when special attention is aimed right at me.
ugh. I feel a tangent coming on... oh my, here it goes:
I wish I were more articulate and had more clever words to say, at this point. But I guess I don't need to be that creative all the time. Though it would be nice. I'd probably have more friends if I were able to write journal entries that had more profound things to say. I actually used to be better at writing sentences. Now, I'm annoyingly straightforward and choppy. I'd prefer to have more complex sentence structures filled with illusory vocabulary and astute similes and metaphors.
But...no such luck.
At least I'm going to be a nurse someday. I suppose that's better than being a good writer. Right?
Coming home with such good news has put my parents in the best mood I've seen them in since...the day my brother, Lenard, got the Student of the Year award in 6th grade. That's probably an over-exaggeration. However, I do sort of feel like I'm their favorite child right now. Maybe it's a combination of their dreams coming true and my coming home after being away for about three months, but I am being showered with love and presents. I'm not complaining. But it is rather awkward at times. I never know what to do when special attention is aimed right at me.
ugh. I feel a tangent coming on... oh my, here it goes:
I wish I were more articulate and had more clever words to say, at this point. But I guess I don't need to be that creative all the time. Though it would be nice. I'd probably have more friends if I were able to write journal entries that had more profound things to say. I actually used to be better at writing sentences. Now, I'm annoyingly straightforward and choppy. I'd prefer to have more complex sentence structures filled with illusory vocabulary and astute similes and metaphors.
But...no such luck.
At least I'm going to be a nurse someday. I suppose that's better than being a good writer. Right?
25.2.08
A woman's mind can be a dangerous thing...
or it can be a wonderful thing...
or it can be frustrating thing...
a flexible thing?
a spontaneously combustible thing?
a spaghetti-like, non-waffle, unable to compartmentalize thing?
over-complicated, never simplistic thing?
hmmm...
or it can be frustrating thing...
a flexible thing?
a spontaneously combustible thing?
a spaghetti-like, non-waffle, unable to compartmentalize thing?
over-complicated, never simplistic thing?
hmmm...
14.12.07
Globbing and such...
i really have nothing of significance to say, but isn't that what a blog is for? Or rather a "glob, " which is what i accidentally called this thing, two nights ago. "Online Globbers unite!"
yeah, the word "glob" really takes away from the sophistication of public disclosure, does it not? Glob is to blog as...some other word is to another sophisticated word. yeah, i realize that the profundity within that last sentence must have been mind-boggling. i understand if your mind is reeling from the astounding conjectures that i mercilessly threw at you, without any sort of proper warning. it's ok. you'll recover. we're not all geniuses.
anyway back to my rant. ahem: it's not like the word"blog" is any better... to be honest, blog sounds like the noise someone makes right before they throw up...
i'm going to cut this life-changing, world-turning, revelation-bringing, post...short. i'm going to get my hairs done. and it's going to be amazing.
yeah, the word "glob" really takes away from the sophistication of public disclosure, does it not? Glob is to blog as...some other word is to another sophisticated word. yeah, i realize that the profundity within that last sentence must have been mind-boggling. i understand if your mind is reeling from the astounding conjectures that i mercilessly threw at you, without any sort of proper warning. it's ok. you'll recover. we're not all geniuses.
anyway back to my rant. ahem: it's not like the word"blog" is any better... to be honest, blog sounds like the noise someone makes right before they throw up...
i'm going to cut this life-changing, world-turning, revelation-bringing, post...short. i'm going to get my hairs done. and it's going to be amazing.
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