Breakthrough Tuesdays.

One of most refreshing (and annoying) aspects of this life we live is the constant of change-- we human beings are like play-doh in the hands of a determined, over-achiever.

Change is exciting. It's frightening and gut-wrenching. It's exhausting and rewarding and painful.

I had a breakthrough today. I realized that I was fighting this weird, internal battle, where, in the realms of my imagination I had strategically set up my own enemies. They threatened to take hold and destroy my new found freedom. I wasn't going to let them. I built my defenses, readied my weapons. Little did I know, that no one was really out to get me.

I have changed a lot over the last few years: I've learned to take ownership of my personality, my wants, my needs, my struggles and my personal victories. I've learned a lot about God and His unconditional love. I've learned that I need not constantly stress myself out about my intentions, or whether my heart is in the right place. I've learned that I need not explain myself or validate my every action. I am sure that God is pleased with my desire to please Him, and I am sure that He doesn't expect me to be perfect and is not surprised when I mess up (keyword here is "when.") I've learned to breathe. I've learned to trust. I've learned to suffer. I've learned that there's no hurry in living. Jesus knew all about that, because He's a genius after all. He told us to take things one day at a time. I've really taken that and have tattooed it into my heart.

These things [that I've learned] don't always translate to my "old" life (oh, the joys of moving away). It's hard to grow up being a certain way and work so hard to meet everyone else's expectations in order to find life acceptable, or to find oneself acceptable/love/wanted by others. The weird thing about that is that I was doing those things under the guise of living passionately and intentionally for God. The irony is that it was all in vain--I was really just living for myself.

Anyway, it's hard when people, from my previous "life," aren't able to understand that change or growth and are unable to see past the person they thought they've always known. At least this has been my basic assumption, though, I don't think it's really too far off from the truth. Whatever. The point is none of these people are my enemies. There is no actual war between us.

Yeah, so...today was one of those "come full circle" types of days--Thank you, Jesus (again). I'm beginning to really understand that it's ok to not see eye to eye with everyone; it's virtually impossible when people are standing on various sides of a mountain--people can only see with their own eyes a small part of the "big" picture and their respective points of view are going to be a little different from the next.

And that is ok. It really, really is.