Jesus loves the normal people.

This is, like, an unending point of discussion between me, my counselor/therapist, Jesus, and anyone within earshot when my mind boils over with the audacity of it all. I've probably blogged about this subject a million times: I would really love to break out of this mentality that only the super-spiritual ones get all of God's love (or is at least the ones who seem to be serving God the best in their obedience)...you know, the one's who read their bible twice a day and carry it around like it's their spiritual security blanket, or the one's who lead worship or are involved in ministry or church in umpteenth-billion ways, or the missionary woman who's admired so much for her celibate lifestyle and how she reaches out to Muslims in areas of the world that are considered "unsafe."

I honestly believe that 90% of Christians still don't understand, nor truly view God as an unconditional and loving God. 90% of Christians still have a hard time just...letting go of their lives and fully accepting their sinfulness and quirky personalities. I think their "buts" get in the way: "but God is Holy and perfect and He expects His people to live according to His standards," "but we're supposed to be set apart," "but shall we sin so that grace may abound," or "but we don't deserve anything good." and etc. While it's all true, I think people forget that they cannot change the true nature of who they are from the outside-in, that in order to truly be holy and set apart, we must allow God to change us from the inside-out. And while we don't deserve anything good, grace has nothing to do with what we do or didn't do. Dwelling on what we don't deserve certainly has a propensity to propel us to living life conditionally because of feelings of guilt, or maybe false humility (or pride) that won't allow ourselves to accept something that has nothing to do with our merit(s). And if we have to be neurotic about continually checking ourselves to make sure our motives are always right, or whether we're sinning or not... then that's just an exhausting way to live. It's definitely not what I think "freedom in Christ" means. But, more importantly, living that way possibly indicates that there's a serious disconnect in our minds about what grace truly is and maybe we think that we can actually be perfect...

I wrote a poem a couple of days ago trying to describe that thing that humans do because we have a hard time really facing and accepting our ugliness. I think we do eventually realize the enormous amounts of ugly we have in our lives and we find ourselves at a crossroad. We choose to either cover up our faults through various and elaborate ways, or we accept who we are and accept that God accepts us for who we are. It's easier said than done, I know, because this sort of acceptance is unnerving. To really trust that God will love us for who we are is a truly vulnerable place to be. It probably feels like standing naked in front of an auditorium filled with plastic surgeons. It's uncomfortable and yes, possibly awkward.

For the sake of sounding perfectly redundant, because He does love us, we merely have to allow ourselves to believe and let go that He will change us. And while followers of Jesus Christ certainly have their responsibility to be obedient, we also need to be honest with ourselves and with God. What relationship has ever been considered healthy and has flourished and grown in the presence of dishonesty and denial?

I just want to get it. And I want other people to get it so they can stop pressuring me and everyone else around them to act like they're perfect and "so spiritual." Obviously, I'm kind of cynical, so take this with a grain of salt. I just want people to be real with God and one another about their misfires and misconceptions. Thankfully, I have found myself in a situation where I do encounter the reality of trying to live for Jesus in this broken and fallen world. And even in this reality, I still have a hard time accepting God's love... but it is what it is.

I pray that His grace will grow more clearer to me as I stumble through the reality of His love. It's especially good to think about it this week, since it is "Holy Week." And when Sunday rolls around, I do hope that our joy is not contrived, but something deep and real, that Easter is not just a tradition, or "that thing that we do on Sunday right before the easter egg hunt." It's the freakin' resurrection of Christ, upon which all our hope is supposed to be dependent on.