If you were to ask me a week ago if I would ever go to a dating conference, I probably would've said "Heck. No." Times have changed. And no, I have not reached an all new level of desperation. I've just decided that my pride wasn't a good enough to excuse to miss out on what could be a really fun weekend. My church, Grace EV Free, La Mirada, is holding a singles conference/dating conference during the 2nd week of September. And as funny and ridiculous as this sounds, the elders of our church are dead serious. Yeah, it was their idea. Not the college group's, and not the "career age" group. The elders see the frustration within the increasingly large number of single people in the church and realized that it would be good to set up a conference revolving around the awkward and vexing world of "Christian Dating." I think that this is incredible. The leaders of our church are happily married but are sensitive enough to hear the groanings of their un-married brothers and sisters in Christ and want to do something to help. Now, I understand that many of you may not see the novelty of this idea. And that's ok. I didn't at first. But it has grown on me. I am increasingly impressed and encouraged by this church and their commitment to encouraging the body of Christ in any way that they can. This is the context in which we are having this dating conference/seminar.
And the elders do have a point. I mean, why has dating become so awkward? or so freaking complicated? Between boy-crazy, marriage-mad, overzealous, over-committed, "take things into my own hands" females and guys who either date too casually or have become cowardly in taking emotional risks and have settled for not taking any risks at all--expecting their future wife to be handed to them on a silver platter; Christian dating has come to a bitter and ugly stalemate. Something has gone very wrong. Today, after reflecting a little about problems Christian singles encounter when dating, my small group leader reminisced about a time when dating wasn't nearly so complicated: "If I liked a girl or was intrigued, I asked her out for a soda to get to know her better. No harm done." He also mentioned something about guys needing to "man up," and if a guy tried to confess that he had commitment issues (a generic term I'm choosing to use to encompass a plethora of other issues) then he would've "beat him up for being such a pansy." HAHA. I think he was kidding.
The timing of this dating conference is kind of...spot-on. At least it is for me. Maybe it is for a lot of people. Either way, I'm amazed, once again, at God's sovereignty. I'm learning that dating, as much as it is giggled about and/or sneered at, is a valid issue (no, duh?). We are relationship-oriented people (another, DUH). We live and learn through relationships. And most of us will get married someday and it's not like you can...grow your future spouse in your backyard and pick him/her when their ripe! And God wants to be involved in this process. This process involves our emotional and spiritual growth. And what's growth without a little (or a lot of) emotional risk? I think being able to discuss all these things with godly, well-rounded, respected leaders of our church will be a beneficial and healthy thing for the entire congregation. Especially the frustrated, yet content, single people :-)
Anyway, if you want to know more about the conference, you can do so HERE.
Oh and here's the trailer that they showed us last Sunday for this conference:
27.8.08
Awkward hug day.
Also known as 1st day of school day! It's here, it's finally arrived! Biola kicked off another school year this morning with a very formal--very humid--commencement ceremony in the Chase Gymnasium. Our new president is really passionate about the right things. I'm excited for what God will do through Dr. Barry Corey in these coming years.
Anyway, yes. Awkward hug day. It is exactly what it sounds like. Not that every person I hug is awkward. It's only the people that are on the male side of homosapien spectrum that tend to be awkward. I think most guys know they should do the "side hug," only...most of my guy friends that I hugged today seemed to change their mind last minute...and then change it again! And what am I supposed to do? I try to follow their lead, but...it's often disastrous. I opted for just shaking hands, but that was almost more awkward. Guy sees open hand, thinks I want full frontal hug instead of a simple handshake. And I like hugs. I do. But I just don't really know what to do with my...arms, or my head. And my head...sort of just crash lands either on the guys' shoulders (ouch) or smack dab in the middle of the chest. I have to turn my head last minute to avoid breaking my nose. Then I do this...pat thing. I pat on the back, sometimes on the side. Why do I pat? I forget who it was exactly that I hugged this afternoon, but we ended up grabbing each other in the elbows (if you know me, you know how i feel about the elbows. Don't touch them). And yeah. I did pat his elbows. ELBOWS! It was painful--for me.
Aside from all the hugging and talking that I did today, I realized that I am really excited for this school year. It might trump last year and win the "Hardest Year of my Life. Ever." award. But in all seriousness, I am looking forward to what God will do. It may be hard at first, but joy always comes in the morning. Because God is good. Amen?
AND--Tomorrow is the first day of nursing school! EEEE! EEEE! weee!
Anyway, yes. Awkward hug day. It is exactly what it sounds like. Not that every person I hug is awkward. It's only the people that are on the male side of homosapien spectrum that tend to be awkward. I think most guys know they should do the "side hug," only...most of my guy friends that I hugged today seemed to change their mind last minute...and then change it again! And what am I supposed to do? I try to follow their lead, but...it's often disastrous. I opted for just shaking hands, but that was almost more awkward. Guy sees open hand, thinks I want full frontal hug instead of a simple handshake. And I like hugs. I do. But I just don't really know what to do with my...arms, or my head. And my head...sort of just crash lands either on the guys' shoulders (ouch) or smack dab in the middle of the chest. I have to turn my head last minute to avoid breaking my nose. Then I do this...pat thing. I pat on the back, sometimes on the side. Why do I pat? I forget who it was exactly that I hugged this afternoon, but we ended up grabbing each other in the elbows (if you know me, you know how i feel about the elbows. Don't touch them). And yeah. I did pat his elbows. ELBOWS! It was painful--for me.
Aside from all the hugging and talking that I did today, I realized that I am really excited for this school year. It might trump last year and win the "Hardest Year of my Life. Ever." award. But in all seriousness, I am looking forward to what God will do. It may be hard at first, but joy always comes in the morning. Because God is good. Amen?
AND--Tomorrow is the first day of nursing school! EEEE! EEEE! weee!
26.8.08
Snowpeas
I discovered that I really like cooking. I think of it as an adventure; Like I'm an ambitious conquistador(a) to the unknown realms of culinary possibilities. Instead of a pointy, iron helmet, I wear the floppy chef's hat. Ok, not really. I thought of buying one, but threw that idea in the "ideas gone wrong" pile in the back of my mind that's slowly turning into a monstrous heap. I mean, Emeril doesn't even wear a hat. And he's ridiculous.
Anywho--One day, while I was shopping at Trader Joe's, I happened across some snow peas. Immediately my mind started reeling. Think of all the stir fry I could make! I didn't stop to think about the fact that I absolutely hate snowpeas. I guess it just slipped my mind. Or rather, my overzealousness for making stir fry pushed it violently away.
Tonight, I wanted to make shrimp stir-fry for dinner. So, I just...threw stuff together. Lime, garlic, butter, onions...shrimp and the snow peas, of course. I figured since I bought it, I thought I might as well use it. I don't tend to look up recipes. And that isn't because I'm "that" good. It's a pride issue, really. But I also like to surprise myself. It's better to just DO things sometimes and then learn from mistakes. I find that over-planning can be counterproductive. One can't plan for everything. Or you could look at it from the flipside: it's like I'm planning FOR mistakes. At least, that much I can expect from myself.
But my shrimp and snowpeas combo did not disappoint! The finished product:
I'm not going to deny that I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. My dad, who also loves to cook, would be so proud! And the snow peas actually wasn't so bad with the lime, butter and shrimp combo. You know, cooking is not so hard. And that isn't an attempt at false humility. Sure, it's daunting at first. Kind of overwhelming to think about. But once again, over-thinking can often create mental blocks that stops us from doing things that we just need to do. Cooking really is kind of like, going with the flow, doing what feels natural. It's knowing and being confident of what you think taste good and putting those things together. Simple as that. Remember what they say: When life hands you snowpeas, make stir-fry.
Anywho--One day, while I was shopping at Trader Joe's, I happened across some snow peas. Immediately my mind started reeling. Think of all the stir fry I could make! I didn't stop to think about the fact that I absolutely hate snowpeas. I guess it just slipped my mind. Or rather, my overzealousness for making stir fry pushed it violently away.
Tonight, I wanted to make shrimp stir-fry for dinner. So, I just...threw stuff together. Lime, garlic, butter, onions...shrimp and the snow peas, of course. I figured since I bought it, I thought I might as well use it. I don't tend to look up recipes. And that isn't because I'm "that" good. It's a pride issue, really. But I also like to surprise myself. It's better to just DO things sometimes and then learn from mistakes. I find that over-planning can be counterproductive. One can't plan for everything. Or you could look at it from the flipside: it's like I'm planning FOR mistakes. At least, that much I can expect from myself.
But my shrimp and snowpeas combo did not disappoint! The finished product:
I'm not going to deny that I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. My dad, who also loves to cook, would be so proud! And the snow peas actually wasn't so bad with the lime, butter and shrimp combo. You know, cooking is not so hard. And that isn't an attempt at false humility. Sure, it's daunting at first. Kind of overwhelming to think about. But once again, over-thinking can often create mental blocks that stops us from doing things that we just need to do. Cooking really is kind of like, going with the flow, doing what feels natural. It's knowing and being confident of what you think taste good and putting those things together. Simple as that. Remember what they say: When life hands you snowpeas, make stir-fry.
25.8.08
Inspiration Point
While it may not be good for man to be alone, I think it's good to set aside alone time, too. Just time to clear your mind and re-center yourself or intentionally re-align yourself to the truths that God has already revealed to you. Truths that you somehow have let go of, or lost during the course of this crazy life that we live.
Inspiration Point is really important place to me. It's about 20 minutes south from where I live, in the Corona Del Mar area. I walk down to a rock formation overlooking the beautiful Pacific Coast. I climb over the small fence and sit against it, pretending that there's nothing else, but that ocean in front of me. It's a place I go from time to time, just to sit and think. If I go early enough in the morning, there's no one around. Just me, the ocean and my thoughts. It's my "spot." I think I go there every 2 weeks or so. It's really great.
Today was a particularly productive day. I came back to "reality," reminded of who God is, who I am before God and what it is that He is most concerned with.
Inspiration Point is really important place to me. It's about 20 minutes south from where I live, in the Corona Del Mar area. I walk down to a rock formation overlooking the beautiful Pacific Coast. I climb over the small fence and sit against it, pretending that there's nothing else, but that ocean in front of me. It's a place I go from time to time, just to sit and think. If I go early enough in the morning, there's no one around. Just me, the ocean and my thoughts. It's my "spot." I think I go there every 2 weeks or so. It's really great.
Today was a particularly productive day. I came back to "reality," reminded of who God is, who I am before God and what it is that He is most concerned with.
21.8.08
8:37am
I am a grown-up. I pay rent. My credit score is a above 720. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. And if I wanted to, I could go to Disneyland today--even if I went yesterday.
Sometimes profundity can become a vain search for a reason to feel validated for having to get up early in order to escape the street-sweeper's wrath. Another minor downside to living where I do now is that the Rosebeach Apartments only allows 2 cars per household to park inside the campus. Since Kendra, Jennie and I all have cars, that meant that in this spin of parking wheel of fortune, I landed on the "Park outside on the street" option. I usually don't mind but today also happens to be the third Thursday of the month: Street Sweeping Day (dun dun dunnn). Sure, I could've stuck it to the man and not moved my car. But the consequences of my rebellion would be a parking violation/ticket and I really cannot afford extra expenses at this point (that's legit grown-up thinking right there.)
Anyways, back to my attempt at being profound. Arbitrary as it seems, while I was at Disneyland yesterday with Kendra and Abby (also known as "Schmabby-Wabby"), all we could talk about, while waiting in line for the Indiana Jones ride, was that we were grown-ups (ironic?). Ok, maybe it wasn't so much them as it was me. And we did talk about other things and played a game called "Little Black Frying Pan."
I guess it just dawned on me that I am completely moved out of my house and La Mirada is now my place of residence and will be for, at least, these next three years as I finish the nursing program at Biola. Wow. I think I was in some sort of denial, thinking that Fresno is still my home. But if you want to be technical, it really isn't. It's just so weird! It's not like I'm going home for the summer for long periods of time, anymore. I live in an actual apartment, not a dorm. I don't have to move out at the end of the year. I bought my own bed and boxspring! I make actual dinners, not microwaveable ones, that I cook from scratch. I actually have to defrost my own chicken! And I actually have to stick to a budget because I am no longer dependent on my parents, who would help me out in a heartbeat if I asked them to, but me being 23 and them being in their mid-50's and late 40's and having two other children in their home, it's better for me to not rely on them for financial support.
I really, really, really am grateful for this time in my life. And in this small window of time, I have absolute single-ness, where I don't have a significant other, I'm not married, nor do I have small children to divide my time and my attention. I know--and hope--that I'm not going to be this single for the rest of my life (marriage and kids sounds really great!) but I know I should milk this time for all its worth. I really could do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. Not that I should, of course. The most important thing I've learned, from this first summer living on my own, my independence is futile, insufficient and is far less fulfilling than a complete and utter dependence on Jesus Christ. It seems that the more a person grows up, the more he/she needs Him.
Sometimes profundity can become a vain search for a reason to feel validated for having to get up early in order to escape the street-sweeper's wrath. Another minor downside to living where I do now is that the Rosebeach Apartments only allows 2 cars per household to park inside the campus. Since Kendra, Jennie and I all have cars, that meant that in this spin of parking wheel of fortune, I landed on the "Park outside on the street" option. I usually don't mind but today also happens to be the third Thursday of the month: Street Sweeping Day (dun dun dunnn). Sure, I could've stuck it to the man and not moved my car. But the consequences of my rebellion would be a parking violation/ticket and I really cannot afford extra expenses at this point (that's legit grown-up thinking right there.)
Anyways, back to my attempt at being profound. Arbitrary as it seems, while I was at Disneyland yesterday with Kendra and Abby (also known as "Schmabby-Wabby"), all we could talk about, while waiting in line for the Indiana Jones ride, was that we were grown-ups (ironic?). Ok, maybe it wasn't so much them as it was me. And we did talk about other things and played a game called "Little Black Frying Pan."
I guess it just dawned on me that I am completely moved out of my house and La Mirada is now my place of residence and will be for, at least, these next three years as I finish the nursing program at Biola. Wow. I think I was in some sort of denial, thinking that Fresno is still my home. But if you want to be technical, it really isn't. It's just so weird! It's not like I'm going home for the summer for long periods of time, anymore. I live in an actual apartment, not a dorm. I don't have to move out at the end of the year. I bought my own bed and boxspring! I make actual dinners, not microwaveable ones, that I cook from scratch. I actually have to defrost my own chicken! And I actually have to stick to a budget because I am no longer dependent on my parents, who would help me out in a heartbeat if I asked them to, but me being 23 and them being in their mid-50's and late 40's and having two other children in their home, it's better for me to not rely on them for financial support.
I really, really, really am grateful for this time in my life. And in this small window of time, I have absolute single-ness, where I don't have a significant other, I'm not married, nor do I have small children to divide my time and my attention. I know--and hope--that I'm not going to be this single for the rest of my life (marriage and kids sounds really great!) but I know I should milk this time for all its worth. I really could do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want. Not that I should, of course. The most important thing I've learned, from this first summer living on my own, my independence is futile, insufficient and is far less fulfilling than a complete and utter dependence on Jesus Christ. It seems that the more a person grows up, the more he/she needs Him.
20.8.08
Cassandra.
One night, while Kendra, Jennie and I were sitting in the living room, laughing and talking about how our days went, I brought up the idea of naming our new place that we've come to love so much:
Me: Hey. We should totally name this place. It'll be fun...
Jennie: What? What do you mean? Like Cassandra?
Kendra: No, Jennie. I don't think that's what Linell meant. I think she meant something more like "The Loveshack," or something along those lines.
Jennie: oh.
But the name stuck, anyway. Yesterday, while Kendra and I were up and about, running errands with Carissa, we made a lot of references about Cassandra (pronounced, "Cassondra."). Saying things like, "hey, let's take these groceries back to Cassandra," or "Let's go to Cassandra." It was much funnier at the moment.
To add to the funny-ness of the situation, Kendra decided to look up what the name "Cassandra" meant and it means "she who entangles men." That trivial fact alone was enough to solidify the name in our hearts for all eternity.
So...Cassondra it is.
Me: Hey. We should totally name this place. It'll be fun...
Jennie: What? What do you mean? Like Cassandra?
Kendra: No, Jennie. I don't think that's what Linell meant. I think she meant something more like "The Loveshack," or something along those lines.
Jennie: oh.
But the name stuck, anyway. Yesterday, while Kendra and I were up and about, running errands with Carissa, we made a lot of references about Cassandra (pronounced, "Cassondra."). Saying things like, "hey, let's take these groceries back to Cassandra," or "Let's go to Cassandra." It was much funnier at the moment.
To add to the funny-ness of the situation, Kendra decided to look up what the name "Cassandra" meant and it means "she who entangles men." That trivial fact alone was enough to solidify the name in our hearts for all eternity.
So...Cassondra it is.
17.8.08
mmMmm...good.
You know...life is good. Not always "easy," but it is really good. I realize that I don't reflect on the good things that happen as much as I do when things aren't so great. I praise God for the grace He continues to show me everyday and especially for a summer of restoration and peace. I also praise God for the following:
I am really, really happy and content with my apartment situation. God has really blessed us with a great place--and yes, I did finally find help with the TV and now our 27'' Sony Trinitron is sitting happily in our living room. I am even more excited about the wonderful women I get to live with: Elise Berg, Kendra Bailey and Jennifer Beckwith. I enjoy their company and never tire of their antics. They are faithful, God-fearing women and I am so blessed to have them as my apartment-mates!
I also really love being 23 years old. I love being a grown-up, while not having as much responsibility as an actual grown-up. I love being independent. I love learning how to be independent, while depending wholly on God--not that I do it perfectly, but the LORD certainly gives me plenty of opportunities to practice. I love that I am going to start the nursing program in a week and a half. I am so, so, so--EXCITED! I am fully aware that (a) I will be the busiest I have ever been in my entire life and (b) the next three years are probably going to be some of my most difficult. And I say to that, "bring. it."
I also love that I have found a church here in La Mirada that I can call my home and that through this church, I have the opportunity to be part of a small group (a.k.a "Grace" group). Yeah, those people are really starting to grown on me. They are legit, eh Carissa?
I love that I am constantly being challenged to grow in my faith, even if it is difficult and seemingly impossible at times to see where my trials are going to take me. I love that God disciplines me and always points me back to the right direction when I start to stray away from what He has laid out for me.
... and cue the Doxology.
I am really, really happy and content with my apartment situation. God has really blessed us with a great place--and yes, I did finally find help with the TV and now our 27'' Sony Trinitron is sitting happily in our living room. I am even more excited about the wonderful women I get to live with: Elise Berg, Kendra Bailey and Jennifer Beckwith. I enjoy their company and never tire of their antics. They are faithful, God-fearing women and I am so blessed to have them as my apartment-mates!
I also really love being 23 years old. I love being a grown-up, while not having as much responsibility as an actual grown-up. I love being independent. I love learning how to be independent, while depending wholly on God--not that I do it perfectly, but the LORD certainly gives me plenty of opportunities to practice. I love that I am going to start the nursing program in a week and a half. I am so, so, so--EXCITED! I am fully aware that (a) I will be the busiest I have ever been in my entire life and (b) the next three years are probably going to be some of my most difficult. And I say to that, "bring. it."
I also love that I have found a church here in La Mirada that I can call my home and that through this church, I have the opportunity to be part of a small group (a.k.a "Grace" group). Yeah, those people are really starting to grown on me. They are legit, eh Carissa?
I love that I am constantly being challenged to grow in my faith, even if it is difficult and seemingly impossible at times to see where my trials are going to take me. I love that God disciplines me and always points me back to the right direction when I start to stray away from what He has laid out for me.
... and cue the Doxology.
16.8.08
I realized that one of the downsides to living in an apartment away from school is that there is a lack of friendly, college, non-creepazoid men that I could trust enough to help me move a ginormous television up into my living place. I mean, there are plenty enough guys that I see, meandering about. I almost actually walked up to a couple of them in the carport directly across from mine to ask them if they can help me with my TV. I was halfway to where they were standing when a thought stopped me dead in my tracks, "Ok, Linell, what are you doing here? You're going to waltz up to a couple of guys that you don't know and basically tell them where you live." Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm too guarded. Maybe I'm too much of a realist and know that in this not-so-perfect world, things aren't always what it seems. And maybe those guys in that carport were nice, polite gentlemen. But there's a good chance that maybe they're not so nice. Whatever. It's better to be safe than sorry, I suppose.
But it still doesn't change the fact that I have a TV in the backseat of my car that needs to be in my living room. This is where having big strong man-friends come in handy. Where you be?
But it still doesn't change the fact that I have a TV in the backseat of my car that needs to be in my living room. This is where having big strong man-friends come in handy. Where you be?
13.8.08
Thingss (part 1)
(...and it's only Wednesday)
1.) I am indecisive.
2.) ...i tried to prove to myself that I can be firm and committed to an idea but sort of...aimed too high, or tried too hard to make a point-to myself-and committed myself to a series of bad ideas.
3.) I followed through with those bad ideas because "there was no way in heck" that I was going to change my mind.
4.) The more I try to talk to people and not be awkward, the more awkward I get. Reason being that I think too much ahead instead of staying within the context of the here and now.
5.) The less inhibited I am, the faster I am at Nerts.
6.) When I say "less inhibited" I mean the kind of tiredness and degree of delusion one has from sleep deprivation.
7.) Chicken and waffles are a great combination. Just ask Roscoe.
8.) Not that this is directly Michael Phelp's fault, but I am tired of hearing about him--even if he has 11 or so gold medals.
9.) Don't ask someone who just had a panic attack to describe what it felt like. It's a sure fire way to get them going again...
10.) The dining room chairs are extra squeeky and creaky at 1:22 in the morning, when the house is dark and everyone sleeping.
11.) It's not "swag," it's "schwag."
12.) I really, really like the word "ambivalent." Which is ironic.
13.) I have tendonitis.
1.) I am indecisive.
2.) ...i tried to prove to myself that I can be firm and committed to an idea but sort of...aimed too high, or tried too hard to make a point-to myself-and committed myself to a series of bad ideas.
3.) I followed through with those bad ideas because "there was no way in heck" that I was going to change my mind.
4.) The more I try to talk to people and not be awkward, the more awkward I get. Reason being that I think too much ahead instead of staying within the context of the here and now.
5.) The less inhibited I am, the faster I am at Nerts.
6.) When I say "less inhibited" I mean the kind of tiredness and degree of delusion one has from sleep deprivation.
7.) Chicken and waffles are a great combination. Just ask Roscoe.
8.) Not that this is directly Michael Phelp's fault, but I am tired of hearing about him--even if he has 11 or so gold medals.
9.) Don't ask someone who just had a panic attack to describe what it felt like. It's a sure fire way to get them going again...
10.) The dining room chairs are extra squeeky and creaky at 1:22 in the morning, when the house is dark and everyone sleeping.
11.) It's not "swag," it's "schwag."
12.) I really, really like the word "ambivalent." Which is ironic.
13.) I have tendonitis.
8.8.08
This is always fun...
1. What did you do 10 years ago?
hmm 10 years...let's see- i was 13 and 20 lbs lighter. That was the summer that my family and I left McAllen, Texas for Fresno, California.
2. Five items on your to-do list:
finish writing the 5 songs that i started in the last two weeks (gotta write them down, lest i forget).
buy a bed and dresser.
iron on the iron-on patches on the sleeves of my nursing uniform (eeeeee!)
move in to our new townhome! (eeeeeeh! again)
go on an adventure with Wa-Wa (Amanda) and Kindra
4. What would you do if you were a billionaire?
oh man, so many ideas flying into my brain! uh fund mission trips! feed hungry people in the U.S and in third world countries! help my parents pay off their debts...buy a forest and build a cottage on the property...buy a cow. no, what? I don't even like milk! or...build a castle by the sea...in Europe! buy the entire Anthropologie company...build something useful...buy this guitar & this one (drool). yeah, i'll just stop there before i get too carried away here...
5. Places I would live:
any place that God would have me, but if I had to pick...it would be any place that looks like this:
(Apparently this is Livermore, Colorado...sooooo pretty)
6. Jobs I have had:
Nursing Assistant at three different hospitals (Clovis Community, Children's Hospital Central California and St. Jude Medical Center in Fullerton)
Barista at It's a Grind in La Habra, California
hmm 10 years...let's see- i was 13 and 20 lbs lighter. That was the summer that my family and I left McAllen, Texas for Fresno, California.
2. Five items on your to-do list:
finish writing the 5 songs that i started in the last two weeks (gotta write them down, lest i forget).
buy a bed and dresser.
iron on the iron-on patches on the sleeves of my nursing uniform (eeeeee!)
move in to our new townhome! (eeeeeeh! again)
go on an adventure with Wa-Wa (Amanda) and Kindra
4. What would you do if you were a billionaire?
oh man, so many ideas flying into my brain! uh fund mission trips! feed hungry people in the U.S and in third world countries! help my parents pay off their debts...buy a forest and build a cottage on the property...buy a cow. no, what? I don't even like milk! or...build a castle by the sea...in Europe! buy the entire Anthropologie company...build something useful...buy this guitar & this one (drool). yeah, i'll just stop there before i get too carried away here...
5. Places I would live:
any place that God would have me, but if I had to pick...it would be any place that looks like this:
(Apparently this is Livermore, Colorado...sooooo pretty)6. Jobs I have had:
Nursing Assistant at three different hospitals (Clovis Community, Children's Hospital Central California and St. Jude Medical Center in Fullerton)
Barista at It's a Grind in La Habra, California
7.8.08
Obedience IS sacrifice.
The following issue is something that I find to be a "sticky" subject mostly because of what this would implicate about how we live out our Christianity. But it has been impressed upon my heart to talk about it, so while I'm not in a direct verbal exchange with another believer, I find the need to release the tension inside my mind by journaling about it. This is not an issue about legalism vs. our freedom in Christ, it's about what God wants from us, as we claim to "live in faith in Jesus Christ."
"The regenerate man knows more of difficulty than the unregenerate."
-A.W. Tozer
A good question to begin with is this: What concerns God the most?
If one were to say, God is most concerned about us, I would have to say that this is not true-while it is true that He is concerned about us (think of the sparrow analogy Jesus uses in Matt 6:26), it is dangerous to think that we are His utmost concern. This sort of thinking leads to a subconscious assumption that we are the apple of God's eye and that He exists only to love us and grant our hearts' desire. I say "subconsciously," because we would never say these things aloud or entertain these thoughts, as if it were something we were actually thinking. But as of late, I was convicted of the fact that this is where my "subconscious" was residing. I thought too lofty of my estate and resigned to a blatant inconsideration for the lost souls of the earth since my own was so "well taken care of." I will talk more about this later.
If one were to say, God is most concerned about His glory, then one would be right. But it is an answer that makes me uncomfortable because of what it implies. Then again, God is not concerned about my comfort, His utmost concern is for His glory and His glory alone. This I know is true when I think of people like Jonah, Jeremiah, Isaiah, Joseph, Moses and the apostle Paul, who served God while forfeiting an easy and comfortable way of life. And while some of you would nod your heads and maybe even say "Amen" in agreement with me, would you stop and consider this more seriously: if this is absolutely true of what God requires of us, then this acknowledgment means that there must be a response! It is a kind of response that requires more than just reading our Bibles, or sitting around discussing theology, or reading/listening to the latest sermon by John Piper. It requires something more radical. For by agreeing that God is most concerned about His glory, we are assenting that He is high and holy, worthy of praise and worship, worthy of our affections and more importantly, obedience. And obedience will cost us more than we think. For obedience, or lack of it, indicates what kind of god we truly worship.
Obedience. That is the word that has plagued my thoughts for the past few weeks or so. When I was little, my parents would say to me "obedience is better than sacrifice" as a reference to Abraham's intent to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, after God told Him to. And at this point in my life, I've come to this conclusion: obedience IS sacrifice. When Abraham chose to obey God, he was not only giving up his son, he was also sacrificing logical reasoning (why would a good God ask me to kill my only son that I love?), the heir to all his possessions, perhaps the affections of his wife (if had gone through with it, what would Sarah have done?) and the list goes on.
I do not write this as someone who has effortlessly found her niche in God's plan for her life. I will admit that the thought of obeying God troubles me. It troubles me because God's call for obedience in my life has never been so real and so tangible as it is right now. The sunday school answers playing in my head are not going to get me by anymore. God has revealed so much to me about the Christian's responsibility to evangelize to a lost and dying world, I know that to ignore such a thing would be severely imprudent. I can no longer play ignorant to the fact that the reason why I didn't care about the salvation of non-believers around me is because of my own secure place in Heaven. In God's sovereignty, He chose me. ME. And that's all that mattered.
Yes, it was a very hard thing to realize about myself--almost like a rude awakening, except not rude at all. The reason that I struggle with a more urgent call to evangelize is because I now have to go against the tide of how I have been living/thinking for years. More importantly, I know that this immense tension that I am feeling when I think about evangelism is caused by my selfishness clashing with the discomfort ahead of me. I know that God wants me to become more intentional about engaging people in conversations about Jesus Christ, and not just merely talking about religion, or apologetics but preaching the Gospel: The message of the Cross, the need for repentance, the truth about Hell and God's impending judgment on those who reject Christ. And God does not want me to just do this out of duty, but out of sincere compassion for the lost! I have to actually love these people first! The audacity!
Any excuse--it's always been this way, but it has only been recently that its mattered-- that I come up with in my head to not talk to someone about Jesus becomes an excuse to disobey God. And when I do follow through with my excuse and choose to NOT do what my conscience is telling me to do, I feel like everything inside me collapses. I immediately feel despair and grief for my disobedience. There have been a few times, where I just have to stop and cry out to God for peace because of the intense trembling in my soul. Then God gently comforts me and reminds me that He wants His glory and I am in blatant disobedience when I choose my fleeting sense of ease and convenience over the furthering of His kingdom.
I know that through the Spirit, I am able to obey God. The gentle urgings to obey comes from Him and I am thankful that I am more aware of what God wants for me. However, to obey God still means an almost complete make-over in how I interact with the people I come across everyday, an increasingly lucid perception of how fleeting my fleshly desires are and an ever growing conviction that my life needs to look more "radical," in comparison to how I have been living in the past. To be honest, I know that this means that my life will get harder. Right now, it does not sound too exciting. My prayer is that I will find joy amidst the discomfort of it all and trust the Spirit who dwells in me, the Spirit of life and peace.
"The regenerate man knows more of difficulty than the unregenerate."
-A.W. Tozer
A good question to begin with is this: What concerns God the most?
If one were to say, God is most concerned about us, I would have to say that this is not true-while it is true that He is concerned about us (think of the sparrow analogy Jesus uses in Matt 6:26), it is dangerous to think that we are His utmost concern. This sort of thinking leads to a subconscious assumption that we are the apple of God's eye and that He exists only to love us and grant our hearts' desire. I say "subconsciously," because we would never say these things aloud or entertain these thoughts, as if it were something we were actually thinking. But as of late, I was convicted of the fact that this is where my "subconscious" was residing. I thought too lofty of my estate and resigned to a blatant inconsideration for the lost souls of the earth since my own was so "well taken care of." I will talk more about this later.
If one were to say, God is most concerned about His glory, then one would be right. But it is an answer that makes me uncomfortable because of what it implies. Then again, God is not concerned about my comfort, His utmost concern is for His glory and His glory alone. This I know is true when I think of people like Jonah, Jeremiah, Isaiah, Joseph, Moses and the apostle Paul, who served God while forfeiting an easy and comfortable way of life. And while some of you would nod your heads and maybe even say "Amen" in agreement with me, would you stop and consider this more seriously: if this is absolutely true of what God requires of us, then this acknowledgment means that there must be a response! It is a kind of response that requires more than just reading our Bibles, or sitting around discussing theology, or reading/listening to the latest sermon by John Piper. It requires something more radical. For by agreeing that God is most concerned about His glory, we are assenting that He is high and holy, worthy of praise and worship, worthy of our affections and more importantly, obedience. And obedience will cost us more than we think. For obedience, or lack of it, indicates what kind of god we truly worship.
Obedience. That is the word that has plagued my thoughts for the past few weeks or so. When I was little, my parents would say to me "obedience is better than sacrifice" as a reference to Abraham's intent to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, after God told Him to. And at this point in my life, I've come to this conclusion: obedience IS sacrifice. When Abraham chose to obey God, he was not only giving up his son, he was also sacrificing logical reasoning (why would a good God ask me to kill my only son that I love?), the heir to all his possessions, perhaps the affections of his wife (if had gone through with it, what would Sarah have done?) and the list goes on.
I do not write this as someone who has effortlessly found her niche in God's plan for her life. I will admit that the thought of obeying God troubles me. It troubles me because God's call for obedience in my life has never been so real and so tangible as it is right now. The sunday school answers playing in my head are not going to get me by anymore. God has revealed so much to me about the Christian's responsibility to evangelize to a lost and dying world, I know that to ignore such a thing would be severely imprudent. I can no longer play ignorant to the fact that the reason why I didn't care about the salvation of non-believers around me is because of my own secure place in Heaven. In God's sovereignty, He chose me. ME. And that's all that mattered.
Yes, it was a very hard thing to realize about myself--almost like a rude awakening, except not rude at all. The reason that I struggle with a more urgent call to evangelize is because I now have to go against the tide of how I have been living/thinking for years. More importantly, I know that this immense tension that I am feeling when I think about evangelism is caused by my selfishness clashing with the discomfort ahead of me. I know that God wants me to become more intentional about engaging people in conversations about Jesus Christ, and not just merely talking about religion, or apologetics but preaching the Gospel: The message of the Cross, the need for repentance, the truth about Hell and God's impending judgment on those who reject Christ. And God does not want me to just do this out of duty, but out of sincere compassion for the lost! I have to actually love these people first! The audacity!
Any excuse--it's always been this way, but it has only been recently that its mattered-- that I come up with in my head to not talk to someone about Jesus becomes an excuse to disobey God. And when I do follow through with my excuse and choose to NOT do what my conscience is telling me to do, I feel like everything inside me collapses. I immediately feel despair and grief for my disobedience. There have been a few times, where I just have to stop and cry out to God for peace because of the intense trembling in my soul. Then God gently comforts me and reminds me that He wants His glory and I am in blatant disobedience when I choose my fleeting sense of ease and convenience over the furthering of His kingdom.
I know that through the Spirit, I am able to obey God. The gentle urgings to obey comes from Him and I am thankful that I am more aware of what God wants for me. However, to obey God still means an almost complete make-over in how I interact with the people I come across everyday, an increasingly lucid perception of how fleeting my fleshly desires are and an ever growing conviction that my life needs to look more "radical," in comparison to how I have been living in the past. To be honest, I know that this means that my life will get harder. Right now, it does not sound too exciting. My prayer is that I will find joy amidst the discomfort of it all and trust the Spirit who dwells in me, the Spirit of life and peace.
5.8.08
Best brother ever.
So, I'm sitting on my bed--minding my own business--when my brother, Lenard,comes into my room and throws my car keys on my bed. My initial reaction was: "Why the heck do you have my car keys? And how did you get them without me noticing?" All he said was: "Look at your car." He walks away, ever so nonchalantly, leaving me confused and slightly irritated. "What do you mean, 'look at your car?' What in the world are you talking about!" Still, my brother refused to answer. All he kept repeating was: "look at your car." Grrrrrrrr. Fine! So I walked outside to our driveway to investigate. Lo and behold, I immediately noticed that my once very dirty car--that had not been washed in a few weeks--was spotless, gleaming brightly under the hot Fresno sun. I ran back inside my house, smiling and absolutely excited that my little 18 year brother took the initiative to wash my car! What brother does that? MINE DOES! I didn't even ask him to, nor would I have asked anyone else to because it's so hot outside! Besides, I was going to take it to the carwash a little later in the week, but Lenard beat me to it! When I asked him why he would do such a thing, he tried to shrug off my excitement by saying, "well, it wasn't like I had anything else to do." Apparently the remedy to his boredom was doing a very kind thing for me.I was and still am impressed. This totally makes my day...no, my week!
2.8.08
I remember the Gellieman
1.8.08
Latte Art!
Tonight during the slower part of my shift at "The Grind", my co-worker, Nick and I, decided to practice making artistic designs on top using foam. It was hard. Mostly because in order to make latter art, I had to make a lot of thick foam from the milk. After failing to do this with regular milk, I switched to using half and half. Don't worry--none of it was actually given to the customers. Nick and I would just use left over shots and foam in order to practice. After a few tries, I was able to come up with a few cool designs (I had a little help from a toothpick and my good friend, chocolate syrup):
a poinsetta?
a gerber daisy!
psychedelic masterpiece? or tsunami?
a poinsetta?
a gerber daisy!
psychedelic masterpiece? or tsunami?yeah, that was a lot of fun. Nick and I are hoping to perfect our art so as to make more customers happy. Happy customers mean more tips! It's the honest truth! And plus, I feel more productive at work when I get to make art with foam, chocolate syrup and espresso.
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