oh, Angst.

I want to write a song.
I want to write a song.
I want to write a song.

but nothing. nothing at all is coming. ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration. i have a few lines:

I tried to write this song before
but didn't get very far
there are somethings that I wanted more
like sounding good on my guitar

but I was drowning in my vanity
I was in deep and over my head...

That's about it. It is a little frustrating when I want to be musical and sing something original, but can't. It's frustrating because I'm used to writing songs with ease. Maybe songs came so easily because I had a lot to say. I guess since it's summer and I'm relatively more relaxed than I have been in the past 9 months, there's really nothing that interesting to sing about.

Oh, but there is! There's always something. I refuse to succumb to the "nothingness." I love writing songs, singing and playing my guitar. Not being able to do those things is similar to the feeling of being constipated. I am creatively constipated!!

Ironically--and I just realized this--my lyrics suggest that my motives for writing a song maybe a little selfish. Uh-oh. I feel like my brain is arriving at a very accurate and conclusive answer to my current dilemma. Journaling tends to do that sometimes. Flub it all. Wouldn't it be better to live in discomposed ignorance about the apparent injustices in my life? Wouldn't it be easier if I just made myself out to be the victim of this drought in creativity (i.e "creative constipation")? No. It hasn't even been 20 minutes since I started this entry and it seems that the reason(s) as to why I can't write songs at this juncture of my life is pretty clear. Whether or not I want to divulge what those reasons are is another question. And no, I don't want to. But if you know me well enough, then you already know the answer. Hint: it has to do with putting something before Someone and Someone is not happy about that. He is seriously jealous and wants nothing else in my life to take His place.

h'okay.