I know that seems like a blasphemous statement to make, but I promise that I am coming from a more secondary context. What I mean by that is that I thought about it tonight during the last leg of my closing shift at work while I was washing the dishes. I don't necessarily always think of deep questions when I'm doing chores, but this came to mind due to a very painful experience. For lack of a better term--and because I have no idea what it's called--the spraying movable spigot-spray-thingy that hangs over the sink somehow freed itself from its safety hook and smacked me in the face. HARD. My eyes started to tear up. The spigot-spray-thingy hit the bridge of my glasses, causing it to dig deeply onto the bridge of my nose. Not really knowing what else to do and completely taken aback by the excruciating pain I was feeling in my face, I started jumping up and down. I know... you may be wondering why I would do such a thing. I don't really know. Sometimes my brain just tells me to do things and I say, "Hey, why not?"
In fact, I really didn't understand what happened in the first place! It was completely un-called for. I was simply rinsing off the soap off of one of the small saucers when it happened. I don't even remember what I was thinking about at the time before the incident took place. As I slowly recovered, a tear drop streaming down from my face, I wondered aloud: "God, did you know that was going to happen? I mean, before the beginning of the world, before all of creation?" I continued to finish rinsing off all the dishes left in the sink, but my brain kept going:
"We say that You are in control of everything. I mean, does that mean absolutely everything? Did you allow that spigot-spray-thingy to hit me? Did you make it happen? Was it You who removed it from its safety hook? We always say that You are in control. How seriously do we take that? How much do we really believe that? I feel like it's something I stick in the back of my brain, a fact that I only use when it's convenient, or when life sucks, or when I'm in pain. A fact that I use selfishly to appease my troubled mind and not a fact that I use so that I may worship You and find my absolute enjoyment in You! Ouch. That's convicting. God, Your word says that You are in absolute control over the universe. God, what would it be like, if I really, really took Your control over the universe as seriously as You take it. Am I just afraid to ask that question? Oh my gosh. I am! I am afraid to allow myself to really think about that. Afraid that if I really begin to understand it and face it, I would have to respond! Oh...man. And what kind of response...would be sufficient enough? "
Man, oh man.
2 comments:
This makes my head hurt (not in a bad way...), but not because it was hit by a spigot thing.
in a more literal, theoretical, and decidedly less spiritual sense, sometimes i do wonder how far the sovereignty thing goes. i mean, i have to be honest here - no, i do not think God hit you in the face with a water sprayer. i think it just fell out of its own accord. (and i'm sorry for your face nevertheless.) whether that's common sense or Western rationalism rearing its ugly head is a question for another time. still i wonder.
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