"Jesus is a genius"

...that was a direct quote from the pastor this morning of the Fountain of Life Church in Long Beach, California. There was a lot of context behind that statement...mainly the passage in 2 Timothy 4:13, where an imprisoned Paul is writing some personal instructions for Timothy: "...When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments." The parchments, being Scripture--most of which Paul had written--were the most important thing to Paul. Not so that he can admire his penmanship, but because these parchments were some of the earliest manuscripts of what we know to be the New Testament.

Paul, in the midst of his suffering, needed encouragement from God. He needed the Bible. An amazing thought struck me at church this morning. Well, amazing in a "wow, how can I be such an idiot" kind of way. So...growing up in a conservative Christian background, I always knew I had to read the Bible. And even now, if I don't read it, I feel horrible. Some of it is conviction, but most of it is guilt and/or fear. Conviction and guilt are different things and that's a whole 'nother issue. I feel guilty because I think God is mad at me. I'm sure if God was conditional, that would be true. But it's not true. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is not petty, nor is he fickle. I'm not trying to wriggle out of an "obligation" to be in the word as a "slave of Christ," but should it really be this sort of obligation? An obligation where it feels like you're the worst Christian in the world if it's not done? I'm not trying to write excuses, just merely thinking. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I need to exorcise the thought that God is upset enough with me to shun me from His graces when I don't read the Word. Though, even when I say it out loud, it's hard to believe. Doing things out of fear [of rejection] cannot nurture, nor sustain, the kind of relationship God wants to have with those who call themselves His children...

Reading the Bible should come from a sort of addiction to God. A spiritual dependency, if you will. I'm seeing that now...and I want to have what Paul had.

Somewhere in the pastor's message this morning, within the context of 2 Timothy 4:6-13, he talked about suffering and self-denial (submitting the self to discipline, not pretending like we're human beings without any actual wants and desires) and how Jesus suffers with us, and how everything that's invested in suffering--the pain, the loneliness, the brokenness, for the sake of the Cross--will be redeemed at the end of it all, that entrusting obedience and trust in God is a worthy investment of our lives, even if it ends in a dungeon...that it takes these sort of things to make a man, or a woman...the pastor stops and says, "Jesus is a genius."

I can't even really explain, in words, how much that statement comforts me...and kind of makes me chuckle. Jesus IS a genius...everyday, I see how He breaks down false ideas, restores brokenness, comforts loneliness and so much more. And in my life alone, He has really done amazing things, even in the last four months. I am a different person, in a lot of ways.

I am thankful for it.