Second Letter

excerpt from The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.

In a conversation...with a person of piety, he told me the spiritual life was a life of grace, which begins with servile fear, which is increased by hope of eternal life...consummated by pure love, that each of these states had its different stages, by which one arrives at last at that blessed consummation.

I have not followed all these methods. On the contrary, from I know not what instincts, I found they discouraged me. This was the reason why, at my entrance into religion, I took a resolution to give myself up to God, at the best return I could make for His love, and for the love of Him, to renounce all besides.

For the first year I commonly employed myself...with the thought of death, judgment, heaven, hell and my sins...such was my beginning, and yet I must tell you that for the first 10 years I suffered much. The apprehension that I was not devoted to God as I wished to be, my past sins always present to my mind, and the great unmerited favors which God did me, were the matter and source of my sufferings. During this time I fell often, and rose again presently. It seemed to me that all creatures, reason and God Himself were against me, and faith alone for me. I was troubled sometimes with thoughts that to believe I had received such favors was an effect of my presumption, which pretended to be at once where others arrive with difficulty; at other times, it was a willful delusion, and that there was no salvation for me.

When I thought of nothing but to end my days in these troubles (which did not at all diminish the trust I had in God and which served only to increase my faith), I found myself changed all at once; and my soul, which till that time was in trouble, felt a profound inward peace, as if she were in her center and place of rest.

Ever since that time I walked before God, simply, in faith with humility and with love, and I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think nothing which may displease Him....

...when I apply myself to prayer, I feel all my spirit and all my soul lift itself up without any care or effort of mine and it continues as it were suspended and firmly fixed in God, as in its center and place of rest. I know that some charge this state with inactivity, delusion and self-love...yet I cannot bear that this should be called delusion, because the soul which thus enjoys God desires herein nothing but Him. If this be delusion in me, it belongs to God to remedy it. Let Him do what He pleases with me; I desire only Him and to be wholly devoted to Him.