Today, I stood in line patiently,
waiting for my turn to pay,
when all of a sudden, a boy walked up to me
then quickly walked away.
I do not know him at all,
as a friend would know a friend,
I do not even know his name,
or if I would ever see him again.
But I was wrong, you see
the boy came back a second time,
it seemed as though, he wanted to speak--
maybe share a limerick or a rhyme.
Imagine my amusement (or confusion)
when he did not say a thing,
he quickly walked away again,
just as I heard the cash register "ding!"
So, off I went to the library,
to study for Apologetics,
all the while, I could not decide
if what transpired was funny or pathetic.
As I was heading to the basement,
inside the stairwell, I got a call,
so I stopped to talk to Bethany,
as I leaned against the wall.
Suddenly, the stairwell doors flew open,
and to my big surprise--
it was he! the boy, who did not speak!
followed by some ...other guys.
Ironically, Bethany had to go
and I quietly hung up the phone,
standing/feeling very awkward
--feeling strangely alone
I waited for the boys to walk by
i followed, three steps behind,
wondering if I was imagining this,
or if I was losing my mind.
Then at the foot of the stairs,
the boy stopped and opened the door,
Immediately, I felt pressured;
as if the steps were miles away from the floor
But the boy stood patiently by the door,
he held it open as he waited for me,
I could not imagine a more awkward moment,
This one is probably in the top three.
When I finally reached the bottom,
I thanked him for his noble act of chivalry,
then I quickly walked away from his sight,
wondering, "why do these things happen to me?"
End.
24.4.09
A New Direction...
I sat in my living room yesterday, reflecting and contemplating on the changes that have happened in my life in the past two years and even more amazed at how different things are just in the last six months. Or even in the last week. And that's when I imagined myself dressed as a weary traveler, walking down a winding dirt path towards the warm sun in the not-too-distant horizon. I am a Sojourner. And never before has life seemed like a rite of passage to something much more worthwhile--with each step I take, more intentional and more resolute than the one before.
So what does this mean? Well, for starters, it meant a new banner on my blog. You like? I did it on Microsoft word last night. I'm quite proud of it, considering I don't have anything fancy like Photoshop. I had to work with what I had.
So, yes. Life IS a journey-- probably one of the more frequently used cliches of all time. But, guess what? It really is. For some people, their journey means success, raising a family, making a name for themselves, making an impact on other people's lives, being happy, being satisfied.
This journey that I'm on has recently been teaching me that I need to be completely stripped of whatever identity I had established for myself in order to take on Christ's. While it doesn't mean self-denial, it does also mean accepting who I am, as an imperfect and sinful human being--and all that entails, and I shudder at the thought. However, accepting who I really am, does not mean I am content in remaining this way. I am learning to rely fully on grace, though I still fail sometimes--which [surprise, surprise] is why I NEED grace. And I find it ironic that in asking God to show me what it means to rely on His mercy, means that I must be completely and utterly dependent on it. That without it, I would fall apart. And amidst all this, God is rearranging some of my vernacular. The word "good," as in "God will work all things for good for those who love him," means something entirely different in my mind. While, things don't always feel good, I love my new found dependence on God, however it has cost me a lot. Normally, that would not be considered "good." Pain is not "good." Loss and change are heart-wrenching and un-pleasant. Be that as it may, my love for God has grown and He has carried me through hardships so that I am able to say, in all sincerity, that it is good. It is not merely a Sunday school answer. I am no longer disconnected to the truth of God's goodness. It is reality. It is more than just knowledge. It is a truth that moves me and touches me to the core.
I say these things not to boast. It is God alone who is capable of changing me and I can only be willing to change. I love that I can look at life with a more profound sort of peace; a peace that is kind of indescribable.
I think that it is fitting, that life is more like a journey than anything else because of my love for adventure and my natural curiousity. I am looking forward to what else is in store for me. Though, I am kind of hesitant. But I know the only way to go is toward the Son.
So what does this mean? Well, for starters, it meant a new banner on my blog. You like? I did it on Microsoft word last night. I'm quite proud of it, considering I don't have anything fancy like Photoshop. I had to work with what I had.
So, yes. Life IS a journey-- probably one of the more frequently used cliches of all time. But, guess what? It really is. For some people, their journey means success, raising a family, making a name for themselves, making an impact on other people's lives, being happy, being satisfied.
This journey that I'm on has recently been teaching me that I need to be completely stripped of whatever identity I had established for myself in order to take on Christ's. While it doesn't mean self-denial, it does also mean accepting who I am, as an imperfect and sinful human being--and all that entails, and I shudder at the thought. However, accepting who I really am, does not mean I am content in remaining this way. I am learning to rely fully on grace, though I still fail sometimes--which [surprise, surprise] is why I NEED grace. And I find it ironic that in asking God to show me what it means to rely on His mercy, means that I must be completely and utterly dependent on it. That without it, I would fall apart. And amidst all this, God is rearranging some of my vernacular. The word "good," as in "God will work all things for good for those who love him," means something entirely different in my mind. While, things don't always feel good, I love my new found dependence on God, however it has cost me a lot. Normally, that would not be considered "good." Pain is not "good." Loss and change are heart-wrenching and un-pleasant. Be that as it may, my love for God has grown and He has carried me through hardships so that I am able to say, in all sincerity, that it is good. It is not merely a Sunday school answer. I am no longer disconnected to the truth of God's goodness. It is reality. It is more than just knowledge. It is a truth that moves me and touches me to the core.
I say these things not to boast. It is God alone who is capable of changing me and I can only be willing to change. I love that I can look at life with a more profound sort of peace; a peace that is kind of indescribable.
I think that it is fitting, that life is more like a journey than anything else because of my love for adventure and my natural curiousity. I am looking forward to what else is in store for me. Though, I am kind of hesitant. But I know the only way to go is toward the Son.
17.4.09
Hearts, Nickels and Wishing Wells.
a heart's desire is nothing more,
than what a human being is made for,
though sometimes a person cannot tell,
if their desire is as shallow as the well,
...they cast their wishes and nickels upon.
I'm sure I will turn that into a song someday--as soon as I figure out the rest of it.
But since we're on the subject:
Today, as I was plunking along on the piano, I reflected thoughtfully on how my desires have changed over the years. Desires, I've come to realize, are much different from simply wanting. A desire is often laced with passion and determination, whereas wanting something stems from an impulsive sort of whim, that is usually accompanied by begging or pitiful pleading. At least, for me, those definitions are true. A lot of things that I've "wanted" have come and gone, but praise God, that through the painful, yet necessary process of weeding out wants from my desires, my desires have become clearer in my mind.
than what a human being is made for,
though sometimes a person cannot tell,
if their desire is as shallow as the well,
...they cast their wishes and nickels upon.
I'm sure I will turn that into a song someday--as soon as I figure out the rest of it.
But since we're on the subject:
Today, as I was plunking along on the piano, I reflected thoughtfully on how my desires have changed over the years. Desires, I've come to realize, are much different from simply wanting. A desire is often laced with passion and determination, whereas wanting something stems from an impulsive sort of whim, that is usually accompanied by begging or pitiful pleading. At least, for me, those definitions are true. A lot of things that I've "wanted" have come and gone, but praise God, that through the painful, yet necessary process of weeding out wants from my desires, my desires have become clearer in my mind.
31.3.09
"Death" week turns into one of the best weeks. EVER.
Good things:
finished my NPA. yes.
my apologetics class being cancelled.
the joy of Friendship bread.
coffee and hazelnut creamer.
helping Jennie pick out her graduation dress.
seeing Carissa Abrego.
being friends with Marla Bustad.
being friends with Cristi, Julianne, Christianne, Megan and Krysten.
phone call from Tamara.
encouraging classmates from nursing school. They are all pretty great.
Kendra being Kendra.
Four day weekend: Elise and Katelyn, here I come.
Got the nursing assistant job in Honey Rock. WISCONSIN! yes.
The realization of how much God cares about the day-to-day and how He has encouraged me this week. Praise Him always.
The role that humor plays as my coping mechanism.
Being able to surrender any sort of control or temptation to be anxious because of the assurance of God's absolute and sovereign control of the universe. In other words, I'm glad that God's in charge.
Easter break in 10 days.
finished my NPA. yes.
my apologetics class being cancelled.
the joy of Friendship bread.
coffee and hazelnut creamer.
helping Jennie pick out her graduation dress.
seeing Carissa Abrego.
being friends with Marla Bustad.
being friends with Cristi, Julianne, Christianne, Megan and Krysten.
phone call from Tamara.
encouraging classmates from nursing school. They are all pretty great.
Kendra being Kendra.
Four day weekend: Elise and Katelyn, here I come.
Got the nursing assistant job in Honey Rock. WISCONSIN! yes.
The realization of how much God cares about the day-to-day and how He has encouraged me this week. Praise Him always.
The role that humor plays as my coping mechanism.
Being able to surrender any sort of control or temptation to be anxious because of the assurance of God's absolute and sovereign control of the universe. In other words, I'm glad that God's in charge.
Easter break in 10 days.
25.3.09
A sickly, dying bird just pooped on my car. Don't ask me how I know. I just do.
...and more public self-disclosure to pass the time between now and napping, while all the while procrastinating. Well, there's nothing really on the agenda tonight except trying not to get any sick-er.
THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Silbs
2. Linell
3. Smelly
THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Certified Nursing assistant
2. Resident Assistant
3. Barista
THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. Santa Cruz, Laguna, Philippines
2. McAllen, Texas
3. Fresno, CA
THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. The Office
2. Lost
3. Arrested Development
THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Mexico
2. Canada
3. Hawaii
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Wisconsin!-- specifically Honey Rock.
2. anywhere in Europe, please.
3. Middle Earth (yeah, i'm cool).
THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Rice
2. Sashimi
3. Rice+Sashimi+cucumber+seaweed=Sushi (mm)
[3.1 Fried Chicken.]
THREE THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO
1. be a popstar
2. bunjee jump
3. become anorexic/bulimic because a) I love food and b) I hate throwing up.
THREE THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
1. children and the way they try to figure out life in their limited contexts.
2. most of my close friends are hilarious.
3. Brian Regan
THREE THINGS I REGRET
1. being hormonal at the most inconvenient times
2. my mom not enrolling me in dance classes when I was little
3. not camping more often. I need to go.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Spiders and Praying Mantises
2. marrying someone who is not passionate about God, who becomes "content" with the complacency of mediocrity.
3. marriage
THREE UNBELIEVABLE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME
1. Jesus--that He would love me and save me.
2. Biola.
3. "House of God Forever" by Jon Foreman
THREE THINGS THAT ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY
1. God's glory in missions, specifically when unreached people groups hear about Christ
2. A mother losing her child, for whatever reason.
3. the horrific things that the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army) are doing in Africa.
THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. finishing school! WAAA!
2. children!
3. Where God is going to use me.
THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. An ant named Anty
2. A dog named Twilight (short for Twilight Zone)--I was a weird kid.
3. Pedro the fish. well, he was our floor pet, back when BASE (Horton 2nd North) was the safe place!
THREE FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Once
2. The Incredibles
3. Sister Act 2
THREE FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Harry Potter (all of them)
2. Psalms
3. The Problem of Pain by C.S Lewis
THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. Arnold Palmer (black tea lemonade)
2. Caramel Macchiatto
3. Manhattan Irish Cream, blended
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. get hitched
2. raise chillin' as unto the Lawd (be a mom for God's glory)
3. see the world and meet the people.
THREE THINGS I AM DOING TODAY
1. Sleeping
2. Napping
3. Mock Rock Dress Rehearsal
THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Silbs
2. Linell
3. Smelly
THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Certified Nursing assistant
2. Resident Assistant
3. Barista
THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. Santa Cruz, Laguna, Philippines
2. McAllen, Texas
3. Fresno, CA
THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. The Office
2. Lost
3. Arrested Development
THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Mexico
2. Canada
3. Hawaii
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Wisconsin!-- specifically Honey Rock.
2. anywhere in Europe, please.
3. Middle Earth (yeah, i'm cool).
THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Rice
2. Sashimi
3. Rice+Sashimi+cucumber+seaweed=Sushi (mm)
[3.1 Fried Chicken.]
THREE THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO
1. be a popstar
2. bunjee jump
3. become anorexic/bulimic because a) I love food and b) I hate throwing up.
THREE THINGS I THINK ARE FUNNY
1. children and the way they try to figure out life in their limited contexts.
2. most of my close friends are hilarious.
3. Brian Regan
THREE THINGS I REGRET
1. being hormonal at the most inconvenient times
2. my mom not enrolling me in dance classes when I was little
3. not camping more often. I need to go.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Spiders and Praying Mantises
2. marrying someone who is not passionate about God, who becomes "content" with the complacency of mediocrity.
3. marriage
THREE UNBELIEVABLE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME
1. Jesus--that He would love me and save me.
2. Biola.
3. "House of God Forever" by Jon Foreman
THREE THINGS THAT ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY
1. God's glory in missions, specifically when unreached people groups hear about Christ
2. A mother losing her child, for whatever reason.
3. the horrific things that the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army) are doing in Africa.
THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. finishing school! WAAA!
2. children!
3. Where God is going to use me.
THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. An ant named Anty
2. A dog named Twilight (short for Twilight Zone)--I was a weird kid.
3. Pedro the fish. well, he was our floor pet, back when BASE (Horton 2nd North) was the safe place!
THREE FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Once
2. The Incredibles
3. Sister Act 2
THREE FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Harry Potter (all of them)
2. Psalms
3. The Problem of Pain by C.S Lewis
THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. Arnold Palmer (black tea lemonade)
2. Caramel Macchiatto
3. Manhattan Irish Cream, blended
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. get hitched
2. raise chillin' as unto the Lawd (be a mom for God's glory)
3. see the world and meet the people.
THREE THINGS I AM DOING TODAY
1. Sleeping
2. Napping
3. Mock Rock Dress Rehearsal
23.3.09
Thoughts about things and stuff...
the following blog entry is dedicated to: the pharmacology test looming over my head that I haven't studied for, the lack of sleep I have to look forward to in loo (haha lieu?) of Mock Rock being this Friday and I have practice every night (930-1230) till then & the ominous Nursing Process Analysis paper due on April 1st (april fools?) that is going to be, at least, 30 pages long (I am on page 2...).
A list of things I would rather be doing, or am doing, instead of studying:
1.) Blog about not studying for my Pharmacology test (ta-da!)
2.) Come up with a list of sentences in alliteration just because I like doing it: "Always aspire to accomplish and acknowledge actions, or activities....yadda yadda"
3.) Acknowledging the fact that only an extravert would openly blog about this.
4.) Reminiscing about those good old days when my world revolved around the following: eating, sleeping, pooping.
5.) I was referring to my childhood, just in case you were wondering.
6.) Yes, I just said pooping. I'm sure my future husband will understand and will love me anyway, since really that's what it's all about, right?
7.) I wish my friendship bread would hurry up and ferment so I can bake it right now and eat in about 45min-1 hour depending on my oven or the altitude.
8.) I wonder...
9.) Thinking that maybe John Calvin himself wasn't a Five-point Calvinist.
10.) I marvel at the fact that some people will sit around and debate the Calvinism & Arminianism issue till their blue in the face, but fail to see the importance of applying whatever it is that they so passionately believe into real life situations: i. e. reaching out to the broken, the poor, loving people the way Christ would want his followers to, showing mercy and grace to others, etc.
11.) Woa, I just got deep there. Tends to happen.
12.) What is the point of this list, anyway?
13.) oh yes, Procrastination.
14.) Krichelle, if you're reading this, you shouldn't be.
15.) I wonder how the sound "gack" has become a semi-permanent part of my vernacular.
16.) Thinking that it's really neat that she has a multitude of friends, Ukrainians and non-Ukrainians alike :-)...
17.) I think I'm going to watch the first episode of the third season of Lost now.
A list of things I would rather be doing, or am doing, instead of studying:
1.) Blog about not studying for my Pharmacology test (ta-da!)
2.) Come up with a list of sentences in alliteration just because I like doing it: "Always aspire to accomplish and acknowledge actions, or activities....yadda yadda"
3.) Acknowledging the fact that only an extravert would openly blog about this.
4.) Reminiscing about those good old days when my world revolved around the following: eating, sleeping, pooping.
5.) I was referring to my childhood, just in case you were wondering.
6.) Yes, I just said pooping. I'm sure my future husband will understand and will love me anyway, since really that's what it's all about, right?
7.) I wish my friendship bread would hurry up and ferment so I can bake it right now and eat in about 45min-1 hour depending on my oven or the altitude.
8.) I wonder...
9.) Thinking that maybe John Calvin himself wasn't a Five-point Calvinist.
10.) I marvel at the fact that some people will sit around and debate the Calvinism & Arminianism issue till their blue in the face, but fail to see the importance of applying whatever it is that they so passionately believe into real life situations: i. e. reaching out to the broken, the poor, loving people the way Christ would want his followers to, showing mercy and grace to others, etc.
11.) Woa, I just got deep there. Tends to happen.
12.) What is the point of this list, anyway?
13.) oh yes, Procrastination.
14.) Krichelle, if you're reading this, you shouldn't be.
15.) I wonder how the sound "gack" has become a semi-permanent part of my vernacular.
16.) Thinking that it's really neat that she has a multitude of friends, Ukrainians and non-Ukrainians alike :-)...
17.) I think I'm going to watch the first episode of the third season of Lost now.
5.3.09
Freedom.
they're free.
they've always been "free."
free to live,
free to see,
free to taste,
free to hate,
free to love,
free to discriminate,
free to judge,
free to be indifferent
free to be narcissistic,
free to be negligent,
free to take charge of destiny,
free to sit and watch the stars for signs,
free to be intelligent,
free to be ignorant,
free to be wise,
free to be indecisive,
free to do harm,
free to nurture,
free to kill,
free to save,
free to be free...
free to be enslaved in their freedoms.
they're free.
they've always been free.
they've always been "free."
free to live,
free to see,
free to taste,
free to hate,
free to love,
free to discriminate,
free to judge,
free to be indifferent
free to be narcissistic,
free to be negligent,
free to take charge of destiny,
free to sit and watch the stars for signs,
free to be intelligent,
free to be ignorant,
free to be wise,
free to be indecisive,
free to do harm,
free to nurture,
free to kill,
free to save,
free to be free...
free to be enslaved in their freedoms.
they're free.
they've always been free.
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