Resting on God

O God Most High, Most Glorious,

The thought of thine infinite serenity cheers me,
For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,
but thou art for ever at perfect peace.
Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfilment,
they stand fast as the eternal hills.
Thy power knows no bond,
thy goodness no stint.
Thou bringest order out of confusion,
and my defeats are thy victories:
The LORD God omnipotent reigneth.
I come to thee a sinner with cares and sorrows,
to leave every concern entirely to thee,
every sin calling for Christ's precious blood;
Revive deep spirituality in my heart;
Let me live near to the great Shepherd,
hear his voice, know its tones, follow its calls.
Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in the truth,
from harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit.
Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities,
burning into me by experience the things I know;
that I may bear its reproach,
vindicate it,
see Jesus as its essence,
know in it the power of the Spirit.
Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill;
unbelief mars my confidence,
sin makes me forget thee.
Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots;
Grant me to know that I truly live only
when I live to Thee,
that all else is trifling.
Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy.
Abide in me, gracious God.

from The Valley of Vision, pg 234-235

God may cause everything in our life to go dark. We are often so distracted by trivial things, daily adding to a delusion that God cannot fulfill us, that He is not good enough. So, it is a necessary thing, for God to discipline His wayward children, so that we will understand that He is our "good enough." He wants the best for us! And the best for us is God, the perfect and Holy One.

But The Darkness does come at a great cost to us and God understands that. Being true to His character, though He leads us into great suffering, He does not ever leave our side. And in that darkness, we will see God's light, we will see how great He is, we will feel His care, we will feel His power...and in our weakness, His strength is made perfect. He renews our faith, He restores our spirit and He satisfies our soul. He makes us grow in righteousness and in understanding of our faith. He restores our hope in salvation and we begin to see, with our hearts and our minds, that Jesus Christ is our ultimate treasure.

Praise God. Praise Him.

And so it begins...

If I could rate my winter break thus far, I would give it an enthusiastic two-thumbs up. It really has been the best break I've had in a long time. With that I am quite content. However, I cannot ignore a sort of foreboding feeling that it was a much needed break to prepare me in what this spring semester has in store for me [dun, dun, dunnnnnnn].

I am genuinely excited with what the LORD has in store for me, though I'm very aware that what He has in store for me does not guarantee that I am going to have butterflies in my stomach 24/7. No, I have a very realistic expectation of what's to come as a result of an understanding that the best learning experiences come from very hard situations. I almost have this, "bring it on" attitude because I know that even though it will be hard, God has proven Himself to be faithful, not only in my life, but in the lives of others. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He is good. And that it is not cliche for me to hear or say, that He will work all things for good. I want to learn more and more about God and what He wants from me, and if it means a continual breaking down of myself, so that Christ may increase, then so be it. I know that I will not always be so optimistic and clear headed. But may this remind me of what's true when I come back to it later on.

A couple of things:
1. I have made a few New Year's Resolution, which I am sure, will add to my "experience" in these coming months: A resolution to live sacrificially (which means foregoing a Disneyland pass for the year 2009, eating out less, living within my means, a shopping fast for six months and an increasing commitment to tithing--which comes from a conviction from the holy spirit and not of my own accord), a resolution to return to my natural self (dying my hair to my natural color and removing my nose ring as soon as nursing clinicals start), A resolution to eat sweets/desserts once a week (so hard!), a resolution to reading my Bible as the first thing I do when I wake up and lastly, a resolution to remove unnecessary "distractions" and instead seek out ministry opportunities, especially within the church body.

2. This semester is the Oncology (cancer) rotation for Level 1 Nursing Students. Please pray for us as we deal not only with school and the management of our time, physical and spiritual difficulties, but emotional difficulties as well. I am sure that many of classmates have been affected by cancer and it will be an emotionally trying time. Oh and let's not forget that 60 pager that we have to write. Yeah, it's going to great.

Changing.

it may seem
that we are firmly planted
in the unknown
destined to suffer
in our uncertainties
--for what do finite creatures
know about the turning tide of time?
only that in seasons
of pestilence and tribulation
does time seem to move
much
too slow
for our convenience

we stop to consider:
perhaps it is the
design
of the Divine
creator
that we relish our seasons of trouble
so that, when the light of the dawn of the morning
breaks the dreary, cold darkness of the night--
the morning air is taken in deeply
and relished joyfully in our lungs:
an Ebeneezer to the goodness of God,
that He is the only good.

but like the seasons of spring and winter
that we are so familiar with,
the seasons of our lives
will drift into the next,
but--
not without leaving an impression
on our minds,
not without changing our hearts,
not without reminding us
of what is most important.

hope lies in change.
because change is certain.

five years ago, today.

Inspired by my friend, Carissa, who un-earthed a blog entry from weblog past, I decided to log in to my first online journal--ever-- on xanga (username: QueenAngelPinHeart) to read...stuff. Five years ago, exactly on this date--incidentally, also a Thursday-- this is what I wrote:

i wish i had someone to look pretty for.
someone to get butterflies in my stomach for.
someone to think about... hmmm maybe every other day.
someone that feels the same way.
someone to hold my hand.
someone who'll understand, even when it's hard
someone that i can serve and lift up
someone that i can't give up.
someone who'll hold me when things aren't so easy
someone who thinks i'm great, even though i feel sleazy
but as i think about all those things that i had written
i find that i should already be smitten
because Jesus is all those things and more
i don't know why i have to keep on searching

"Someone who thinks I'm great, even though I feel sleazy?!" Yeah. Uh, yeah. A little painful to read. I laughed a lot so it's ok if you laugh a lot, too. Hey, I was 18 years old! I was an 18 year old who, apparently, did not fully understand the word "sleazy," or at least, how to use it in the proper context. But hey, maybe I was a little sleazy back then. HAHA. Oh man. And who the heck was I thinking about when I was writing my sappy little poem? Nevermind. Maybe I don't want to remember.

It is interesting to see, however mushy or starry-eyed I was about love or falling in love, I still recognized that in all my longing, I should long the most for Jesus. Obviously, I had absolutely NO clue what that meant when I was 18. I'm barely grasping the concept now, as a 23 year old, about to turn 24--in a month! AH!

Everlasting Father, Amen.

Today, Dr. Erik Thoennes, one of the teaching elders at Grace Evangelical Free Church in La Mirada, CA, spoke about Jesus as the Everlasting Father. In "light" of the Christmas season the church is doing a four-part series based of off Isaiah 9:6-7:

"For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. "

In this morning's sermon, Dr. Thoennes encouraged the church in reminding us of Jesus' role as Everlasting Father in our lives. He talked about the context in which the prophet Isaiah spoke the prophetic words of Isaiah 9--it was during a time when God's people were in turmoil and in anguish due to the impending Assyrian invasion. Their rebellion and turning away from God has brought this disaster to them, but still, God promised them Hope:

"Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end.
On the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this."

How amazing it is to have an everlasting Father who cares for us and that even our rebellion cannot keep Him from caring for us the way He intends to. He is a Father who is more than capable of taking care of us, unlike our earthly fathers, who are limited in there finite existence, who are bound to disappoint us because they are not perfect. But Jesus IS perfect and He has taken care of everything: He died for the sins of the world, so that we would be free from the law of sin and come to know God! And there is nothing that we go through, nothing that we need, no problem or pain that we experience that Jesus cannot meet or fulfill, or even, understand. He knows us. And the way He cares for us, may not always be what we expect or want. But to be able to trust in a God who is an everlasting Father, I mean, what is time to an everlasting God?

So, why be impatient? Why, Linell, why?

shout outs...

To the Micu family. 2 great parents/mentors/people + 7 amazing kids.
I love this:


I can't wait to see all of you in about a week.

Naming my un-born child.

I did not intend for the title of my blog post to be so...creepy. Hah. Oh well.

You might find this surprising, since my affinity for children is borderline obsessive--but don't worry your kids are safe with me, I promise (can't guarantee I'll give them back though. Just kidding!) Anyway, as I was saying, you might be surprised to find out, that even though I love children, I have never really thought about potential names for potential children that I might produce someday. The reason for that is because thinking of potential children leads to thinking about potential husbands, or boyfriends, or weddings... stuff that I don't really care to think about or dwell on. Especially as of late, because believe it or not: boys stink. Sorry. They do. I try to stay away from them, or anything that has facial hair or speaks an octave lower than me.

Well, ok. It's not like I never think about weddings and/or stuff like that, I just try not to do it too much.

Anywho. Baby names. Ok well, today I ran across a name that I thought was...the greatest name. I recognize that that is a completely subjective statement and YOU may not agree with me, but I'm going to tell you anway. The name is... Milann (pronounced--carissa, help me out here--"mull-ahn"). Yeah. Like the city in Italy. I just think it's so... elegant. If God chooses to bless with me with a daughter (after he blesses me with a boyfriend who turns into a husband, etc), I am naming her Milann. Or at least that will be one of her names. She might have two.

Yeah, I know it's unorthodox. But I am a fan of unorthodox. After all, my real name IS Lenimfa.