five years ago, today.

Inspired by my friend, Carissa, who un-earthed a blog entry from weblog past, I decided to log in to my first online journal--ever-- on xanga (username: QueenAngelPinHeart) to read...stuff. Five years ago, exactly on this date--incidentally, also a Thursday-- this is what I wrote:

i wish i had someone to look pretty for.
someone to get butterflies in my stomach for.
someone to think about... hmmm maybe every other day.
someone that feels the same way.
someone to hold my hand.
someone who'll understand, even when it's hard
someone that i can serve and lift up
someone that i can't give up.
someone who'll hold me when things aren't so easy
someone who thinks i'm great, even though i feel sleazy
but as i think about all those things that i had written
i find that i should already be smitten
because Jesus is all those things and more
i don't know why i have to keep on searching

"Someone who thinks I'm great, even though I feel sleazy?!" Yeah. Uh, yeah. A little painful to read. I laughed a lot so it's ok if you laugh a lot, too. Hey, I was 18 years old! I was an 18 year old who, apparently, did not fully understand the word "sleazy," or at least, how to use it in the proper context. But hey, maybe I was a little sleazy back then. HAHA. Oh man. And who the heck was I thinking about when I was writing my sappy little poem? Nevermind. Maybe I don't want to remember.

It is interesting to see, however mushy or starry-eyed I was about love or falling in love, I still recognized that in all my longing, I should long the most for Jesus. Obviously, I had absolutely NO clue what that meant when I was 18. I'm barely grasping the concept now, as a 23 year old, about to turn 24--in a month! AH!