Heart to head (and vice-versa).

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." [James 1: 2-4]

I remember mulling over this verse and giving this verse to others with the intention to encourage them without really understanding for myself what it means. In fact, I know I've said things like "joy will come from trials," or maybe telling others that trials are a "good thing" without believing it at all. But now, the older and more mature version of myself says: what human being is truly, instinctively, thankful when life decides to give out under them and they fall flat on their face?

God only knows.

And by the way, I don't think God is surprised when our hearts, or what we truly believe is disconnected to what we say or do (though we may very well surprise ourselves). In Hosea 6, God rebukes Israel and Judah, "What shall I do with you, O Ephraim? What shall I do with you, O Judah? Your love is like a morning cloud, like the dew that goes early away." God could see deep into their hearts, and He knew that their love was fleeting, it was not that they were unfaithful to Him, but they had forsaken the knowledge of God and truth. And God tells him what He wants from them in verse 6, "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings." God wants his people to have the right hearts, ones that hold an affectionate knowledge of God, which fills the mind with reverence of his majesty, fear of his goodness, love of his holiness, trust in his promise, and submission to his will.

The amazing thing is that God's grace is unimaginably abundant and endless. In His mercy, He doesn't allow those who He loves to remain in a perpetual disconnect. And God does use trials, because trials provide a perfect medium for growth and has a way of nurturing the seeds of spiritual knowledge that have been sown by time spent reading scripture, or sitting under sound teaching. I imagine a "Jack and the Magic bean stalk" scenario: the magic beans of Christian faith and understanding, that have been planted in our hearts, grows and grows and grows amidst the strife and chaos of life until it reaches it's ultimate destination: our head. Not sure how the giant and the golden goose fits in to my analogy, so we're going to pretend like they're not part of the story...

Some personal application (and please know that I say the following things with tentative eagerness): This morning I realized that James 1:2-4 is no longer a strange and unwelcome enigma in my psyche. I no longer fear trials (or resent them) but welcome them as a necessary medium for my personal growth. I believe that I have entered into a season of deep, deep joy and satisfaction in who God is (I think I journal-ed about how I've come to this place a few weeks ago.) I am grateful to report that I am still inexplicably and deeply, happy. I do feel complete and lacking in nothing, amidst discomfort, stress and not-so ideal situations. More importantly, I would like to say this: I used to think, that in able to feel complete and be lacking in nothing, that I needed to be in a relationship or be married and/or that I need to be finished with school and have a steady income. It's amazing to me how I could say that I didn't need those things, even though my heart begged to differ.

The LORD has done amazing things in my life. I hope that this encourages you, dear reader. And I hope and pray that God continues to lead you into a deeper, fuller and less confusing knowledge of Him and His love for you.