I hate this weather.

Fresno, California. Lovely in the Autumn, Spring and Winter--absolutely horrid in the Summer. It has this Jekyll-Hyde complex that is not redeemable in any sort of way. This week that I've been home, the heat has gotten progressively worse: it's muggy, it's 100 degrees outside and it cools down to about 85 at night. If I sound grumpy and miserable, its cause I am. I also have a raging headache. It started last night--about the same time as the thunder and lightning storm that made quite a ruckus outside my window.

Sigh. I have not been the most pleasant person around my home. I am constantly irked at something. At first, I could not figure out why I was so annoyed. Granted, I can't blame all my fun-suckiness on the weather-- my heart is inherently sinful and ugly. I guess, the heat has helped in the burning down of whatever helped keep my mood and anger in check. Oh how I need grace. So much grace.

Furthermore, my mood has been worsened by the rules and regulations of baggage checking Sure, it makes sense--the airlines want to save money on fuel by limiting how much a passenger can bring. Their money saving tactics, however, challenge my inability to pack lightly and the fact that I'm trying to save money, too. And yes, I'm whining. But I am thoroughly frustrated. I have to pay $15 to check just one bag and an additional $25 if I need to check another one. That's a total of $40. Not only that, but I can't bring luggage that is bigger than 62 linear inches (meaning the length, width and height must add up to less than or equal to 62 inches) and it cannot weigh more than 40 lbs. Ok, so if we do the math... 2 and 1/2 months divided into 62 linear inches, divided into 40 lbs = biggest headache of my life.

I suppose the easiest solution would be to give up and not go. At the same time, I cannot live my summer in this kind of weather. It is seriously cramping with my style. I suppose I could just suck it up, but really that takes a whole lot of energy. And without a job here in Fresno, I would go crazy. Not to mention that it has become all the more clearer how different my parents and I really are. Tension. Tension headache. Oy.

On a side note: T-minus 4 days till I leave for Three Lakes, Wisconsin! I am kind of excited, kind of nervous and kind of just ready to go, go, go! I feel like I'm just floating in limbo right now, sort of just waiting to arrive to where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully, the rest of my packing will go smoothly, if anything, I can just wear the same three outfits for the whole summer. It's camp. Who cares about being stylish. I am seriously about to give up on that and wear V-necks and shorts everyday.

Another side note (this has nothing to do with all the whining above): Yesterday, I told God that if it were His will to use my life in order to bring Him more glory, that He should. I prayed that if it were better for me to die, if that would bring more people to Jesus, then that's what I would want. I realize that I am "expendible,"--and many of who will probably disagree-- and if God is going to use me, then He should use all of me, as fuel for His kingdom. I know that's really weird. I'm weirded out. And honestly, I'm not saying this to make much of myself, cause that is stupid and pointless. What is more stupid and pointless than saying something you don't mean? No, I'm saying this to challenge you, individual, whoever you may be: would you be willing to DIE for the sake of the Cross? Are you willing to say that your life is "expendible" so that all the glory would go to God? Are you willing to give up your hopes of getting married and raising a family, finding that right job, or living a comfortable, successful life, for the sake of Jesus?

It's scary, isn't it?