Sorry, Mister Jackson. Are you for real?

So I got this really funny email in my inbox. Well, it's NOT meant to be funny. I think it's meant to be convincing in a sense that it's trying to convince me to trust a certain Marion Jackson with my personal information so that he could send me about $ 100,000 via some sort of international transaction. I've decided to share this rather amusing email and include a break-down of what thoughts (represented by the color "red") crossed my mind as I read through it.

Ahem...and heeeere I go:

Hello Dear,

I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now (Then shouldn't I remember if I knew you..). It takes faith, courage and God's fearing act (come again? God's fearing act? This is definitely failing at Christian-ese...that's for sure), to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification (awkward) to them, despite circumstances that made things not work out as we projected then.

first of all, how generic and vague can someone be? This is basically saying: "remember that one time, when we did that one thing together?" Yeah. First sign of fraud and suspicious circumstances is the overtly un-specific nature of the message.

I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursing together (Oh, really), finally worked out by God's infinite mercy (Christian-nese again!) and I decided to contact you, just to let you know. You are advised to stop any further communication with your local representative(s) any officials (s) department whom may call you or email concerning the check / draft worth sum of $950,000 USD, accept Mr. OLA ABAYOMI.

...maybe I was a double agent or something many years ago. But I failed in some sort of mission and therefore had my memories erased and my mind reprogrammed to think and actually believe this life that I'm living now. Maybe...I'm not really 23. Maybe I'm really, like 40, or something. Or maybe...I'm Jason Bourne.

Also, this person is throwing godspeak everywhere. I'm under the impression that they're trying really hard to get me to trust them.

Meanwhile, I must inform you that, I am presently in the UK, for numerous business negotiations and establishment. Now, with my sincere heart, I have raised and signed an International Cashier's Check to the tune of $950,000 USD (NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) only in your name as COMPENSATION to your dedication, humanity (wow I'm getting money for being human!) and contribution at that time (now which time was this again?...oh THAT time. oh ok.).

Wow. Maybe I was a really, really good double agent. Dang it all! Why can't I remember!!

Please, contact my office secretary, his name is: Mr. OLA ABAYOMI (Secretary) on his E-mail: ola_abayomi4@hotmail.com and make sure you send the below information for verification and safe delivery of the percel.



1.Your Full Name.........................
2.Your Home & Office Address..............
3. Telephone number or Mobile
4.Your Current Location..................

Feel free to reach him via this very E-mail address: ola_abayomi4@hotmail.com and most importantly, the ICBD has only validity period of 21 banking days. So, your early response to that effect, shall be admired. You have to mind the days on route shipment.

Riiiight...and ICBD must be an institution I was familiar with when I was a double agent. Too bad all my memories have been scrambled. Or maybe they're just repressed. But maybe they're not entirely repressed. See, I've always dreamed of being an excellent fighter. Like so excellent at fighting that Jackie Chan and Tony Jaa (from the movie "Ong Bak." It is excellent. Watch it.) would be no match for my martial art skillz. Yeah, that good. But maybe it isn't a dream. Maybe it was the reality. A reality that no longer exists since my mind and my entire life has been reprogrammed by the powers that be ( be hating, that is. shoot.).

Sincerely Yours,
Mr. Marion Jackson

By the way, I googled Ola Abayomi and this is one of the many pictures that came up: