I'm supposed to be napping...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. [Jeremiah 29:11]

I read that verse and I believe it. I believe it in my head, at least. I want so much for that belief to travel down the 12 inches to my heart, where it counts the most. Because I can only tell myself "truth" for so long before my body rejects it completely. The constant conflict between my head and my heart about truths such as Jeremiah 29:11 is emotionally and physically draining. Then when you throw papers, projects and rather large reading assignments into the mix...I don't know. All I know is...I can't even figure out what to call "it," and if I'm so confused that I can't figure out exactly why I'm confused (because I feel like I'm being pulled in 50 different directions), I'm sure that's pretty indicative of something unhealthy.

Or maybe I just need a break.

I do, earnestly, believe and cling to the truth that God is good and that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. But after this week, I think He has really tipped the scale. I am greatly overwhelmed, but more in a negative sense than a positive one. I think it's heretical to say that I don't know if God knows what He's doing, so I won't say that. But I will say, "God, what ARE you doing?" I'm glad that He thinks I can handle all of this, I--meaning me in my finite humanity-- just don't think I can! I feel like...if one more thing happens...whatever thread is holding my sanity together is going to break, and I will seriously, lose it.

With all that to say, I will probably look back on this post a year from now and laugh at myself (which tends to happen when I read my past journal entries and see how God does work things out). I know that this journal entry is a manifestation of my stress and exhaustion combined.

It's not the end of the world, but, not to be sadistic or anything, I would rather have the end of the world. I want to be in heaven with Jesus. That is a million times better than a summer break.