God has been doing amazing things in my life in the past 2 weeks. Things that I never would've dreamed of. It's like God has marked these past 14 days of my life as my Ebeneezer; a moment in time that I can clearly remember how God has proven Himself faithful.
One would think that God is working so powerfully in my life because I have been doing everything on the Christian "to-do" list, which include--but is not limited to--the following: being in the Word everyday, having my life in perfect order, doing devotions on a timely basis, going to church every Sunday...and the "list" goes on...
Ironically, that is not the case. My life is sort of a disaster right now. I am painfully behind in school work, I have been having the hardest time getting up in the morning, I have lost a lot of self-control (nor am I making a valiant effort to control or hedge my self indulgence), I have become less punctual, I missed church last Sunday because I stayed up till 3 in the morning babysitting for my voice teacher... and the list goes on. Yes, it seems that I have acquired an acute sense of irresponsibility. And let's not get on the topic of how I have somewhat, emotionally and mentally, abandoned my role as an RA...I might start crying.
Please do not mistake my tone as one of callous indifference, because I do cringe upon the realization that I have digressed greatly in my responsibilities. In a lot of ways, I am in sin. I am being lazy and unmotivated. I need a lot of prayer and I need to change. Which is exactly the point that I'm trying to make: God is blessing me, even when my life is in shambles so that all I can do is be completely flattened by humility, paralyzed by my inability to boast about anything, but God's glory. God is blessing me the most when I least deserve it!
By saying this I am in no way endorsing living an intentionally, unmotivated life. Christians should always strive hard to live righteously and faithfully for the LORD. Something that I am currently convicting myself of right now, as we speak (or rather the Holy Spirit is convicting me...) However, when things are in life are wonderful and amazing, there is the temptation to pat ourselves on the back, look smugly at God and say, "yes, of course I was offered that job, it's because I've been praying for it everyday and reading the book of James and memorized all of proverbs. God you have me that job because I am the picture of the Proverbs 31 woman!" How foolish we humans can be to think that God gives us good things because we deserve it. God blesses us because He is a good God, who loves us unconditionally.
With all the things that God has blessed me with over the course of these 14 days, all I can say is, "Woe is me, for I deserve none of these good things. All these good things are from you Lord. I do not deserve them and I am a crumpled, tangled mess on the ground because of this matchless grace You have shown me. "
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