He will surely come.

I've been home sick the last few days. I came home Monday afternoon from work and felt somethin' abrewin' and sure enough-- had a fever by 7pm, with my nose completely congested by the time I woke up the next morning. It's some kind of Upper Respiratory Infection that I probably picked up from working in a clinic on Skid Row. It's mostly likely a new "bug" that I picked up because I can't remember the last time I've had to stay home sick for such an extended period of time.  It was weird because I would spike a fever around the same time every night. I guess the viruses in my body decided that 5:30 in the evening was the best time to have their block party. I'm praying that this isn't the case tonight because (a) my boyfriend and my best friend are coming over for dinner and (b) I do want to eventually go back to work...

I didn't intend to blog about my illness, however.  I wanted to blog about God working amidst it all.

The interesting thing about all of this is that this week was dedicated to fasting.  The church that I've been going to for the last few Sundays implemented a church-wide fast, to pray and ask God for direction in our lives as individuals and in the lives of those in leadership at church. Since I work a fast-paced, on-the-go, nursing job at a clinic where anything can happen... I knew I couldn't completely fast from food, but I felt like the Holy Spirit was nudging me to fast from other things that I turn to or find comfort in instead of sitting with God in my discomfort. These things include, TV (including shows I watch online), movies, comfort food (like Thai food, fried chicken and Sun Chips), coffee (I'm an addict in denial), facebook and music.

I knew deep down that there have been some things that I haven't allowed myself to process since I've moved to Burbank. With a new season in life--a new job as a new nurse, a new surrounding, a new church, a new boyfriend--comes a lot of processing. And I was keeping myself busy, or inundated with external noise.  I knew that I felt kind of disconnected to myself and to God, but I wasn't really making the effort either to do anything about it.

God's timing is perfect, however, in that the week I decide to fast from external noise, I also have to stay home. Sick. No tv. No facebook. No movies. No music. Just me, my Bible and my thoughts. Oh and Jesus, of course. He is bringing up a lot of things, things that I feel would take up a whole nother blog post to explain...but in these things, I see how he wants to heal my brokenness and bind my wounds (Psalm 147:3).

Part of my frustration is that I thought I was all "fixed."  That I didn't have to worry about any of those past hurts, etc.  But I do see that God wants to fully restore me--even though it will take a lot more time than I originally planned. Haha. It's a place of vulnerability that I am hesitant and naturally unwilling to sit in. I do have hope, however, because God is predictably good. And in my life, He's only proved His faithfulness, love and power...time and time again.

Furthermore, I found great encouragement in Habakkuk this week.  I learned this week that the main theme in Habakkuk is how God uses a wicked nation (Babylon) for his divine purpose. This is of course in reference to God using Babylon to punish Assyria and Judah. And amidst this dark time, the words that God speaks to Habakkuk are the following: "...For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie.  If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.  Behold, his soul is puffed up; it is not upright within him, but the righteous shall live by faith." (Habakkuk 2:3-4).

In that time, those who were followers of God, who were caught up in the ugliness of war and all that comes with such a horrible thing, were urged to live by faith. They had no other choice. Without faith, they would lose hope.  They didn't know what was going to happen, they had to trust that God is a good God.  The righteous must choose to remember how God has proven Himself to them, most especially during a time when things didn't make sense.

This is applicable in many ways for many people.  We all go through hardships and dark times and in those times, we must live by faith. We must live and trust God's goodness in the day to day, since we are essentially blind to what the future may hold. Even when negativity and self-pity, bitterness and discontent are constant companions, we must choose to see beyond them and think about what it means to live by faith, to trust that God is all knowing and faithful, that He is predictably good, that He loves us, that He is patient and compassionate and kind, that His plans (and His timing) are perfect.

Amen? Amen.