Real Love

Yesterday, I was reminded that God doesn't just want my actions, or my words, He wants my heart. He wants a true and passionate zeal for Him. He wants me to love Him, for who He is. And more importantly, He wants my love for him to be as real as He is.

I know that my love for God now is less contrived than it used to be. And I think its because I've thought about what it means for Him to love me. I've spent most of my formative Christian years thinking that it wasn't me that God loved. It was Christ in me. As "theologically-sound" as that statement may seem, I've come to believe that it's only the half truth. And if it's half-true, then it's most likely a lie--the lie being that God doesn't actually love me. And I have chosen not to wrestle with this troublesome thought because I didn't think I could. I've always been told to not go there. But yesterday, God brought my heart to a place where I wrestled with this very thought. God led me to a place where I could say, "Lord, this cannot be true. You must love me for who I am. You've made me, knitted me together in my mother's womb. You must've thought about me, when You asked Jesus to take my place on the Cross. You must love me for me. If this is not true, then what is love?"

In the grand scheme of things, in the grand scheme of God's glory, as Holy and Powerful as the God of Universe is, His transcendency and love and mercy must mean that He cares about His children as individuals. If a human mother and father can give special attention and love to each and every one of their children...if a human mother and father can take the time to assess each child's need and respond to that child's particular personality and need in order to love him or her as they are...then why not the God of the universe, whose love is clearly shown through the death of Jesus Christ, who took MY place and MY punishment so that I could have a relationship with the Father.

I have not allowed myself to sit in this for so long because Christian jargon dictates that God loves Christ in me. Somehow that doesn't seem to be all of it. How can we truly experience the true love of God in a real and profound way if we cannot allow him to love us as we are? How can we truly understand the goodness of His grace and mercy if we do not invite him into our most vulnerable places? God LOVES us. No buts, or ifs, or and's. He just LOVES us. Because He is God. He is the only being who can love imperfect sinful souls in a way that these imperfect and sinful souls want to be loved. Which is why Jesus came. This is why Jesus came. And in our realization of our need for Him, in our honest zeal and passion for who God is, we glorify Him. But we must first know His love. We must think about it in this way. We must think about how deeply personal it is.

Merely knowing theology doesn't mean our hearts are truly embracing the love of God. Scripture says that knowledge puffs us up. It's often easier to say that God is love than to actually believe it. The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men (Is 29:13). We can discuss theology until we are blue in the face, or continue to impose unrealistic expectations on fellow Christians through our overt displays of "righteousness," and it ultimately means nothing if we miss the freedom of God's redeeming love for His people.

I pray that our hearts are truly moved by the grace of God, through the realization that He loves us, for who we are and how He has formed us. We are redeemed through the understanding of his mercy and love and we seek to change, from the inside-out, because we love Him. This is what's true. This is what God has shown me is real.