A New Direction...

I sat in my living room yesterday, reflecting and contemplating on the changes that have happened in my life in the past two years and even more amazed at how different things are just in the last six months. Or even in the last week. And that's when I imagined myself dressed as a weary traveler, walking down a winding dirt path towards the warm sun in the not-too-distant horizon. I am a Sojourner. And never before has life seemed like a rite of passage to something much more worthwhile--with each step I take, more intentional and more resolute than the one before.

So what does this mean? Well, for starters, it meant a new banner on my blog. You like? I did it on Microsoft word last night. I'm quite proud of it, considering I don't have anything fancy like Photoshop. I had to work with what I had.

So, yes. Life IS a journey-- probably one of the more frequently used cliches of all time. But, guess what? It really is. For some people, their journey means success, raising a family, making a name for themselves, making an impact on other people's lives, being happy, being satisfied.

This journey that I'm on has recently been teaching me that I need to be completely stripped of whatever identity I had established for myself in order to take on Christ's. While it doesn't mean self-denial, it does also mean accepting who I am, as an imperfect and sinful human being--and all that entails, and I shudder at the thought. However, accepting who I really am, does not mean I am content in remaining this way. I am learning to rely fully on grace, though I still fail sometimes--which [surprise, surprise] is why I NEED grace. And I find it ironic that in asking God to show me what it means to rely on His mercy, means that I must be completely and utterly dependent on it. That without it, I would fall apart. And amidst all this, God is rearranging some of my vernacular. The word "good," as in "God will work all things for good for those who love him," means something entirely different in my mind. While, things don't always feel good, I love my new found dependence on God, however it has cost me a lot. Normally, that would not be considered "good." Pain is not "good." Loss and change are heart-wrenching and un-pleasant. Be that as it may, my love for God has grown and He has carried me through hardships so that I am able to say, in all sincerity, that it is good. It is not merely a Sunday school answer. I am no longer disconnected to the truth of God's goodness. It is reality. It is more than just knowledge. It is a truth that moves me and touches me to the core.

I say these things not to boast. It is God alone who is capable of changing me and I can only be willing to change. I love that I can look at life with a more profound sort of peace; a peace that is kind of indescribable.

I think that it is fitting, that life is more like a journey than anything else because of my love for adventure and my natural curiousity. I am looking forward to what else is in store for me. Though, I am kind of hesitant. But I know the only way to go is toward the Son.