Goodbye facebook!

So, I decided to deactivate my facebook on Thursday. Well, it's temporarily deactivated, meaning that when I decide to have one again all I would have to do is sign in and the Facebook people will send me a confirmation email and my facebook would be restored just the way I left it. Neat, huh?

Why would I do such a thing, you may ask? Well, for a bunch of different reasons but mostly because I felt like I needed to. Yes, it was a small but strong nagging presence in the back of my mind that told me to. The last time I ignored this voice or presence when it told me to do something that I didn't want to do, what I didn't want to happen, happened anyway and it turned out worse than it would've been if I had just listened in the first place. Needless to say, I am learning to listen more intently to things that nag at me--it'll save me from a lot of unnecesary grief.

Anyways...I feel really good about being facebook free. I just feel...free. Mmmmm, yes. freedom. And now that I don't have a facebook, I'll be spending a lot more time on my blog. Haha...I love the internet, I guess.

HAHA!

So...last night while my roommates and I were playing Nerts (it's a de-stressing exercise), we decided that we needed some Hall & Oates action so we watched this video:



Oh...the 80's. So much fun. Please note the drummer in the background and his red leotard. We all thought it was Richard Simmons for a second.

Good morning...morning.

Sleeping in is a thing of the past for me. I'm not really saying that to brag but more to reflect on this weird phenomenon. It's like...God implanted a very small alarm clock in my brain--probably close to my cerebral cortex--that goes off at 5:00 every morning (except for the mornings that I have be at clinicals by 6:00, because I have to wake up at 4:30 on those days). Yeah, it's kind of entertaining-- that my eyes BLAST wide open when the sky is still dark and when I roll over to look at the time, it's always 5:00. Of course, I try to fight it as much as I could, but it's not much use.

I kind of like it. Kind of love it. How could I not...love it? It gives me more time in the morning to relax before I have to go to school. Waking up that early gives me more time to pray and dedicate the morning to the LORD and rely on His strength and provision to make it through the day. Not that I do it perfectly everyday. And it's not like I never grumble and complain. But...it is good. I love the faithfulness of God in the day-to-day. If He were not faithful, I would be lost.

Anyways, I am really excited to babysit today. I have been able to hang out with kids for the past three weeks and LORD knows that I've needed these opportunities. It's really cool! Children are so great, even if they are rambunctious and bratty, they still find joy in the simplest things in life. I think that is awesome. I think that's why I love kids so much. And no, it's not easy to watch kids. After all, they are little depraved human beings who are still learning appropriate boundaries. But it is a great privilege and opportunity to help shepherd little ones and to help them learn those boundaries. Not to mention that I get to listen to them and observe them as they try to figure out life. I was listening to a sermon the other day and the pastor talked about this very thing. He told a story about his son, John, who was three at the time. John, who recently discovered that there was a baby in his mother's tummy, climbed up on his mother's lap, opened her mouth and at the top of his lungs screamed, "HI BABY!!" into his poor mother's throat. SEE! Kids. So fun.

Last thing:
Thanksgiving break is fast approaching!! I'll be driving home to Fresno on Tuesday right after my Theory exam. YAY. I am excited to be home and to be with my family. I am excited to spend time with my amazing little brothers. I am excited to see the Micu's. I am excited to see Riverpark Bible Church people. I am excited to hang out with Cristi, Russell and etc. It will be so good to be away from school for a week and to be at a place where I can relax.

peace.

A different kind of soul...

Soul.
Not the Aretha Franklin, in her beaufont hair, waving her manicured nails in the air, demanding R-E-S-P-E-C-T kind of soul.
But the mind-bending, peace-like-a-river, it is well...with my soul, kind of soul.
the kind of soul that is frighteningly naked and vulnerable,
the kind of soul that is searching,
a soul that is learning,
to know, not just with my mind,
but with my heart.
It's the kind of soul that lead me to finally writing and finishing a song tonight.

I wanted to write a song that would reflect the process which God has been taking me through. And tonight God helped me. And I wanted to share, even though I feel awkward about it. But my hope is that this song would speak to you. And maybe it won't. But I still wanted to share:

Come to Jesus' feet
and lay your sorrows down
He will draw near to you
in ways so deep
and profound

chorus:
He says, "Come just as you are
And lay your burdens down."

So come just as you are.

O how beautiful it is
to see the glory of the LORD,
For we are broken people
who need a glorious God

chorus:
O come just as you are
and lay your burdens down

O come just as you are

bridge:
O rejoice in the hope!
O rejoice in the hope!

Beloved, rejoice in the hope
of the glory of God!

I'm working up the courage to record the song and post it. Hopefully, I will be able to have it up within the week. I've never really done that before. But hey, why not?

peace out.

Unfinished.

Lately, I've been writing songs. Err, I mean, I have had every intention of writing songs--I just haven't been able to finish anything that I start. I'm really frurstated. I used to do this thing, or rather have this ravenous...um, no, that's not the word I'm looking for. Doesn't make sense. SEE! I can't...write. Gah. *sigh* Whatever it was that made me write songs so effortlessly, whatever it was that caused lyrics and music to pour out of my body/soul/heart/mind...it is hybernating. Or at least, that's what I'm hoping it is doing. Its like...nothing is sticking anymore. I picture a large white board with nothing on it and me standing in front of the white board with sticky notes in my hand. In vain, I try to put these sticky notes (which represent my song ideas) on my large white board (which represents my predisposed obsession with being creative) but the sticky notes will not stay on and they quickly fall off.

Hmmm. Maybe it has a lot to do with my mind's tendency to be indecisive. Maybe I'm just having trouble committing to these ideas. Whatever it is, I'd like for it to go away so that I can write a pretty song. Hrmph.

I'm just gonna keep playing guitar till something happens.

C.S Lewis is, like, so smart.

Another lovely quote that speaks into my life:

"Man approaches God most nearly when he is in one sense least like God. For what can be more unlike than fullness and need, sovereignty and humility, righteousness and penitence, limitless power and a cry for help?"
-C.S Lewis, The Four Loves

Crunchy leaves!

Hanging out with kids is always a great! We get to do stuff that "grown-ups" don't really get to do and they're a nice break from all the busy-ness and stresses of "grown-up" life. For example, Aria, Levi, and Emma--my voice teacher's kids who I get to babysit every once in awhile-- wanted to jump in a pile of crunchy leaves today and since there wasn't a pile readily available, I actually convinced the kids to help me pick up leaves from all the over the Calvary chapel lawn to make our own pile! An hour later, we had enough leaves to jump and roll around in! And, well, the kids loved it. I just enjoyed watching them.

I really appreciate how easily amused children are. They find joy in things that I've started to take for granted.

Oh, family.

Many of you have never met my parents, but many of you have heard of them. They are filipino, which just means that they're really funny. Or maybe it has nothing to do with them being filipino. Maybe it's just them. For example, today when I walked into my kitchen this morning to talk to my dad, I found him making eggs and bacon, wearing a shiny, pink cap (that looked like a fancy do-rag) that my mom had apparently won at some nurse's luncheon a few weeks ago (yeah...what?). When asked why he was wearing it, he simply answered, "Oh, eets becos I just want to."

Oh. And...there was no one else in the kitchen for my father to entertain. He really...just wanted to wear it. I suppose it's no real secret where my quirkiness comes from.

Also, my mom has been under the weather lately and had given the charge of cleaning the kitchen--among other "women-ly" chores--to the men of the household. Apparently this meant unloading the dishes from the washer onto our kitchen counter and not putting the dishes away at all. When my mother was giving my do-rag wearing father a little lecture about this predicament, he told my mother that she was too uptight and a little too "ham strung."

Of course, my brothers and I started laughing. My dad looked at us and asked what was so funny. We told him that there are "hamsters" and "hamstrings," but no "ham strungs," and the proper term to use is "high strung." He started to laugh at himself: "oh haha i did not know."

My brothers are also a hoot. Lenny, 13 years old, showed me his bicep today. When asked what his secret was, he said: "I do 10 push ups every night." He also asked me when a good time for him to start dating was (my answer: when you have a job, a car and a certain degree of emotional maturity). He also asked me if girls like Hollister cologne. He also said: "when I get married, I'm buying my wife a car and putting her name on the license plate." HAHA. what??

Then there's Lenard, who is 18 years old and thinks he is, like, so cool (and he is). I walked into his room this morning to find yellow sticky notes everywhere, each with a motivational anecdote to get him "pumped up," as in lifting weights, etc. I was impressed with the abundance of yellow in his usually bland and boring room. When I asked him how he was progressing with his seemingly grueling exercise routine, he replied with a very unconvicing, "well...it's going!" Cue Lenny's, always very timely interjection: "Yeah right! He hasn't worked out in six weeks!"

I love that when I come home, my brothers won't shut up. They want to tell me everything that's happening--especially Lenny who tells me everything that is happening in Lenard's life, which Lenard doesn't necessarily appreciate-- and the funny things that my parents do on a day-to-day basis.

yeah, home is a good place. I wish I didn't have to go back to school so soon.