eyes timid and apprehensive,
pupils delighted by
luminescent hues of refreshing moments.
modest claims of change,
leaves a joyful stain on a face
with cherubic enthusiasm.
Hope--a little worse for wear,
but never out of fashion.
5.2.11
3.2.11
re: Stacks
This song is beautiful. It's about the burdens that we all carry as human beings or the "stacks" that we accrue over the years as we wade through less than ideal situations--imperfect families, sinful predispositions, death of a loved one, or a death of a dream, unfulfilled expectations and disappointments that lead to meaningful life changes, suffering caused by our own decisions or the decisions of others. The list goes on. In the somberness and simplicity of Bon Iver's song, in his recognition of the broken, yet beautiful way that humans continue to strive with their own inherent shortcomings and the shortcomings of others, there is a haunting and freeing sound to his melody. The last verse of the song says: This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization/It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away/Your love will be/Safe with me. I think of Jesus. And how anything is possible in His strength. It's not that He gives us super-human strength. He gives us His reassurance, and a fresh perspective. Yet, even the supernatural strength of the Holy Spirit is immensely practical. It makes us resilient, while keeping us humble. And the beauty of resilience is the freedom that we gain from the gradual mitigation of the stacks on our backs, as we pursue emotional and spiritual growth with fervor and passion.
28.1.11
Inspiring.
I really love art and the various ways that it is expressed. Art and its expression gives life to the mundane. Photography is my favorite art form.
This is a dear friend, Angi:
and she takes pictures like these:
You can find more of her work [here]
This is a dear friend, Angi:
and she takes pictures like these:
You can find more of her work [here]
20.1.11
Reset
refresh.
restart.
renewed.
Today feels different. And I don't really know what that means because I've yet to develop an appropriate vocabulary for new experiences.
But I think this is a good thing. At least it feels like I'm one step closer to wherever I'm supposed to be.
restart.
renewed.
Today feels different. And I don't really know what that means because I've yet to develop an appropriate vocabulary for new experiences.
But I think this is a good thing. At least it feels like I'm one step closer to wherever I'm supposed to be.
13.1.11
After the Storm
This song was playing in my head when I woke up this morning, these words in particular:
There will come a time you'll see
with no more tears and love will not break your heart
but dismiss your fears
get over your hill and see
what you find there
with grace in your heart and flowers
in your hair...
12.1.11
On Sin and Digging Trenches
Since I've been on vacation and I have nothing imminent or pressing to attend to in the mornings, I find myself laying in bed, trying to unravel, or solve, life's mysteries within the first hour of my awakening.
This morning was no different.
My alarm went of at 9:00 but I was well awake before then, thinking about my life and random aspects of it. And while I was laying there thinking, the idea of sin floated through my mind. What is sin? And what ignoring sin or pretending like something isn't a sin can do for a person's soul. I pictured a determined scruffy young man, digging a trench in the country side somewhere. I don't know why he's digging this trench, but he's determined to get to something or maybe to escape from some unwelcomed unhappiness that has recently entered into his life. Somehow, in his toil and sweat, he finds satisfaction in the digging and as he gets deeper into his trench, in his mind, he's productively escaping from whatever it is that he's running from. However, as he digs deeper, he realizes that he's dug himself a hole that he can't climb out of. And he tries for sometime. But the dirt walls of this trench crumble apart as he tries to find his footing. Eventually he gives up. He sits there, at the bottom of his trench, feeling more hopeless and forgotten than he ever has before. He begins to think that death would be better than sitting alone in the darkness.
I've come to realize that living according to God's standards extends beyond the Ten Commandments (thou shalt not lie, or covet your neighbor's plasma screen, or steal it, etc). I think God gave Moses the Ten Commandments as a prototype, or model, a bullet point summary, if you will, of what God really wants out of His people--which is absolute devotion to Him. I am 99% sure that God wants me to find my happiness and joy in Him. I know that God wants me to include Him in my daily life, to be at the center of every big life changing decision, to spend most of my time thinking about Him, and to love Him more than I love anything else in this world, including my family, my significant other (if I had one), my friends and most especially, myself. And I know that He also wants me to treat other people well because He made them and thus I should respect and give worth to what He's created.
So, then, in light of all this, what is sin? The best and most sincere definition I can come up with right now is that it is an action, that begins with a thought that seeks to serve myself and causes harm to myself, my relationship with God and/or with other people. Furthermore, I think the issue of sin goes deeper, goes beyond just the act. Like the trench digger, I believe that people find themselves "in sin" when life becomes less ideal, or find that waiting on God's timing, or believing that God is good, seems pointless at a particular juncture in time. Sin begins as an impulse, when shovel first meets dirt--whether it's in rebellion or impatience, or hopelessness that leads to self-destruction.
I met a guy a couple of weeks ago at an Irish pub in Santa Barbara when I visited a friend for her birthday. He bought me a snakebite (pear cider and beer) and we proceeded to engage in a light-hearted conversation that quickly became a more deep and meaningful one. He told me that he used to recruit strippers for a local strip club, which was an interesting conversation in and of itself, but he immediately followed that by telling me that he was perpetually drunk. He asked me why I thought he was always drunk. I looked at him for a few seconds and said, "is there something about your life that you don't want to think about?" He smiled and raised his fist in air and said, "I hate my fuckin' life! It's pretty shitty. And my mind never stops thinking so I just drink till I'm happy." I told him that that made sense. People around us, raised their glasses. Of course, those who laughed and agreed with him were having a horrible week, too. One guy in particular said that his ex-girlfriend broke up with him on Christmas day and also tried to run him over with her car. He bought shots for everyone before he stumbled out of the pub to the next.
Humans, no matter how christian we are, cannot help ourselves from falling into sin, or digging our trenches. Especially, when we engage this broken world and entangle ourselves with broken people. I am not much different from those two guys I met at the bar. I get it. I know that the only thing holding me back from getting drunk off my ass is something supernatural, which is an overactive conscience, i.e. the Holy Spirit. So, that's one trench that I have yet to start digging, not to say that I haven't started several. I am an impatient, impulsive and selfish person after all. I know that sin becomes such a tantalizing option when the waiting gets too long, or when life is too overwhelming to engage or participate in, or when people are hurtful.
Sin is sin and it is the very reason why God sent Jesus Christ to die on the Cross, to pay the death penalty that sinning against God requires. And because of this great act of mercy, there is always hope for sinners like me: God's grace is the ladder that comes down into my trenches and helps me climb out of it. And His love is what welcomes me back home with a hug and warm cup of chamomille tea. Mmm.
I know that I've lived the majority of my Christian life, trying not to sin. But I've recently thrown that template for life out of the proverbial window because a human being simply cannot just NOT sin. If we could just stop, then Jesus wouldn't have had to make the ultimate sacrifice. Contrary to popular belief, becoming a Christian does not make one less human, if anything it makes one more aware of their humanity. This is not to say that Christians shouldn't try to leave our shovels in the tool shed, if you know what I mean. But that's what this whole Christianity thing is about, choosing to live for God and believe that He is good and that He loves me, instead of choosing to throw caution to the wind, to seek after things that last about as long as an impulse. It's trusting that His options are better than my options, that they promote a much more healthy outlook on life. That waking up and remembering that I have been blessed with so much is less depressing, and more productive than dwelling on how lonely I feel. That being sober is much healthier than being drunk. That waiting to have sex until I'm married will significantly decease the emotional turmoil and heartache in my life that would surely come, if I share such an intimate moment with other men. That spending time reading about Him is much more enriching for my soul than wasting the day away, intentionally avoiding it.
That life is meant to be lived intentionally seeking after and enjoying the presence of a good God, no matter our circumstance, and remembering His grace and forgiveness when we feel like our faith is small and our doubts are overpowering.
This morning was no different.
My alarm went of at 9:00 but I was well awake before then, thinking about my life and random aspects of it. And while I was laying there thinking, the idea of sin floated through my mind. What is sin? And what ignoring sin or pretending like something isn't a sin can do for a person's soul. I pictured a determined scruffy young man, digging a trench in the country side somewhere. I don't know why he's digging this trench, but he's determined to get to something or maybe to escape from some unwelcomed unhappiness that has recently entered into his life. Somehow, in his toil and sweat, he finds satisfaction in the digging and as he gets deeper into his trench, in his mind, he's productively escaping from whatever it is that he's running from. However, as he digs deeper, he realizes that he's dug himself a hole that he can't climb out of. And he tries for sometime. But the dirt walls of this trench crumble apart as he tries to find his footing. Eventually he gives up. He sits there, at the bottom of his trench, feeling more hopeless and forgotten than he ever has before. He begins to think that death would be better than sitting alone in the darkness.
I've come to realize that living according to God's standards extends beyond the Ten Commandments (thou shalt not lie, or covet your neighbor's plasma screen, or steal it, etc). I think God gave Moses the Ten Commandments as a prototype, or model, a bullet point summary, if you will, of what God really wants out of His people--which is absolute devotion to Him. I am 99% sure that God wants me to find my happiness and joy in Him. I know that God wants me to include Him in my daily life, to be at the center of every big life changing decision, to spend most of my time thinking about Him, and to love Him more than I love anything else in this world, including my family, my significant other (if I had one), my friends and most especially, myself. And I know that He also wants me to treat other people well because He made them and thus I should respect and give worth to what He's created.
So, then, in light of all this, what is sin? The best and most sincere definition I can come up with right now is that it is an action, that begins with a thought that seeks to serve myself and causes harm to myself, my relationship with God and/or with other people. Furthermore, I think the issue of sin goes deeper, goes beyond just the act. Like the trench digger, I believe that people find themselves "in sin" when life becomes less ideal, or find that waiting on God's timing, or believing that God is good, seems pointless at a particular juncture in time. Sin begins as an impulse, when shovel first meets dirt--whether it's in rebellion or impatience, or hopelessness that leads to self-destruction.
I met a guy a couple of weeks ago at an Irish pub in Santa Barbara when I visited a friend for her birthday. He bought me a snakebite (pear cider and beer) and we proceeded to engage in a light-hearted conversation that quickly became a more deep and meaningful one. He told me that he used to recruit strippers for a local strip club, which was an interesting conversation in and of itself, but he immediately followed that by telling me that he was perpetually drunk. He asked me why I thought he was always drunk. I looked at him for a few seconds and said, "is there something about your life that you don't want to think about?" He smiled and raised his fist in air and said, "I hate my fuckin' life! It's pretty shitty. And my mind never stops thinking so I just drink till I'm happy." I told him that that made sense. People around us, raised their glasses. Of course, those who laughed and agreed with him were having a horrible week, too. One guy in particular said that his ex-girlfriend broke up with him on Christmas day and also tried to run him over with her car. He bought shots for everyone before he stumbled out of the pub to the next.
Humans, no matter how christian we are, cannot help ourselves from falling into sin, or digging our trenches. Especially, when we engage this broken world and entangle ourselves with broken people. I am not much different from those two guys I met at the bar. I get it. I know that the only thing holding me back from getting drunk off my ass is something supernatural, which is an overactive conscience, i.e. the Holy Spirit. So, that's one trench that I have yet to start digging, not to say that I haven't started several. I am an impatient, impulsive and selfish person after all. I know that sin becomes such a tantalizing option when the waiting gets too long, or when life is too overwhelming to engage or participate in, or when people are hurtful.
Sin is sin and it is the very reason why God sent Jesus Christ to die on the Cross, to pay the death penalty that sinning against God requires. And because of this great act of mercy, there is always hope for sinners like me: God's grace is the ladder that comes down into my trenches and helps me climb out of it. And His love is what welcomes me back home with a hug and warm cup of chamomille tea. Mmm.
I know that I've lived the majority of my Christian life, trying not to sin. But I've recently thrown that template for life out of the proverbial window because a human being simply cannot just NOT sin. If we could just stop, then Jesus wouldn't have had to make the ultimate sacrifice. Contrary to popular belief, becoming a Christian does not make one less human, if anything it makes one more aware of their humanity. This is not to say that Christians shouldn't try to leave our shovels in the tool shed, if you know what I mean. But that's what this whole Christianity thing is about, choosing to live for God and believe that He is good and that He loves me, instead of choosing to throw caution to the wind, to seek after things that last about as long as an impulse. It's trusting that His options are better than my options, that they promote a much more healthy outlook on life. That waking up and remembering that I have been blessed with so much is less depressing, and more productive than dwelling on how lonely I feel. That being sober is much healthier than being drunk. That waiting to have sex until I'm married will significantly decease the emotional turmoil and heartache in my life that would surely come, if I share such an intimate moment with other men. That spending time reading about Him is much more enriching for my soul than wasting the day away, intentionally avoiding it.
That life is meant to be lived intentionally seeking after and enjoying the presence of a good God, no matter our circumstance, and remembering His grace and forgiveness when we feel like our faith is small and our doubts are overpowering.
9.1.11
Unravel
a soul can be a never-ending
line of knots and twisted things
formed into a noose,
to threaten the livelihood of one
man's being
a soul may never know
the wide open spaces
it was meant to roam,
falling into the depths
of fear,
before it can make its way home
a soul may never know
fully the vastness of its Creator,
as it fashions for itself
rules and regulations,
subjecting itself to
shallow externalizations
a soul is meant to seek its
Master, unhinged and unhindered
from the threats of the former
misgivings and
misconstructions,
lies and contradictions,
unexamined proclamations,
of truths without contemplation,
of the implication
of truth's real meaning.
a soul is meant to be meaningful,
and full of life,
a reflection of the One,
who breathes life
into being.
line of knots and twisted things
formed into a noose,
to threaten the livelihood of one
man's being
a soul may never know
the wide open spaces
it was meant to roam,
falling into the depths
of fear,
before it can make its way home
a soul may never know
fully the vastness of its Creator,
as it fashions for itself
rules and regulations,
subjecting itself to
shallow externalizations
a soul is meant to seek its
Master, unhinged and unhindered
from the threats of the former
misgivings and
misconstructions,
lies and contradictions,
unexamined proclamations,
of truths without contemplation,
of the implication
of truth's real meaning.
a soul is meant to be meaningful,
and full of life,
a reflection of the One,
who breathes life
into being.
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