Um. Hi?

I drank coffee at 11:00 pm because I thought I was going to have to pull an all-nighter--it's one of those crazy weekends where a billion things happen to be due on Monday--but my group and I finished earlier than expected (we were writing a literature review for our chosen research topic. Not that we actually what we were doing, but we tried our best). So anyway, I am wired. Wiiiiiiirrrreeed.

I haven't written anything on this blog since May 31st. That kind of astounds me, actually. I was such an avid blogger. What the hell happened?

Maybe facebook happened. Then again, I still blogged pretty religiously even when I had a facebook, before I went on my 3 month hiatus. So, I guess, I don't really know. But here I am now and I don't have anything to say in particular. Well, that's a lie. There's lots of things I want to talk about, but I'm kind of sensing that they'll come off like I'm bitter, or something.

Heaven forbid that I'm ever bitter. Pssh.

Actually, I'm not bitter at all. I've been reflecting more recently about my life and how I much I love it. Genuinely, love it. It feels bright and vivid. Messy and tangled. Tangible. Real. Less complicated in some ways, but more difficult others. I feel more loved now, by God and by people than I ever have. I am more accepting of my faults and shortcomings than I ever have been, knowing that accepting those things is the precipice upon which the freefall of change finds its jumping off point.

I am really thankful.

the Abyss

tainted veins,
of purple and blue
colliding together,
a distinguishing hue.

a blindspot.

too dark to tell where it
starts or where it ends.
cold and damp
set apart from the
beckoning warmth
of a Father's love,
twisted in lies,
tortured by deception,
the love-child of a wayward,
imagination--
the Abyss.

it's a well crafted illusion,
by the one who wages destruction,
whose wrath rages against
the ones who pray,

they become his prey.

blissfully ignorant sheep,
struck blind by the void left
by immortality and shame.

the truth of everlasting love,
pushed far into peripheral sight,
tricks the heart and poisons the mind,
to only see the Abyss, to become lost
in the blackhole created by the one
who seeks to devastate humanity.

the Abyss,
a figment of one's imagination,
a dark place that exists in limbo,
is conquered by the truth
that

it

isn't

really

there.

foggy brain.

yesterday's hair, irish cream and my paint-it-yourself mug and a poem:

foggy brain,
foggy brain,

makes everything like static.

caffeine is the only recommended cure.
also, the hope of summer, that draws nigh

with every exasperated sigh,
as i study
for my
last final
of the
year.

goodbye.

Jasper.

the original video:

Jasper by Aidan Knight from Aidan Knight on Vimeo.

our version:

Εμπιστοσύνη

"Therefore, let those also who suffer according to the will of God entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right."

read.

For reminiscing, among other things...

original song by Linell Catalan (2006) and major kudos to a dear friend, Elise Berg, who helped me pen the lyrics.



I had long hair!!! I wrote this song last easter (April 2009). Both of these songs were byproducts of seasons of trial in my life. I've discovered that meaningful songs tend to flow out more naturally when I really need something real and less confusing to cling to.

Blessings y'all.

Long Beach and idioms.

Once upon a time, Long Beach and I were like ambivalent lovers, with more animosity between us than either of us realized. But slowly, Long Beach has wooed me (thanks in part to the new church that I started attending in February) and caused me to see its beauty amidst the graffiti, the ghetto, the railroad tracks and stark white, graffitied industrial buildings in the ghetto. So here I am, sitting in a Starbucks on the corner of Atlantic and San Antonio Drive, blogging about this new found reconciliation. I mean, I also plan on doing homework, too. But first things first.

Also, I'd like to mention the strange fellow sitting in one of the leather comfy chairs a few feet from me. I found myself a small round table in a corner and as I sit here and type, I can't help but notice the jutting movements of this strange fellow's head as he attempts to inconspicuously sneak looks in my direction. And I realized that I may sound a little conceited. I'm not. Though I do like to point out the obvious. It's kind of ridiculous. Part of me wants to go over there to tell him to cut it out. "Excuse me, can you please stop being creepy? Its making me uncomfortable."

On a completely different note: If you didn't know this about me, I have a hard time keeping my idioms straight. I'm not sure why this is the case, but part of me wants to blame my filipino heritage and growing up with parents, who also, in their best efforts, cannot say American idioms right. For example, when my mother, bless her precious little heart, was pseudo-lecturing me about skirting certain issues regarding friendships, etc, she told me to "stop beating the bushes."

Oh dear.

Anyway, today, I realized that I had forgotten to do an assignment that was due today and when I realized this, I decided to talk to my professor to (a) beg for forgivness and (b) see if I can turn it in later. As I was explaining to her that it had completely slipped my mind because of my ever growing list of things to do as I try to balance work, school and life, I said "Sorry Professor Dixon, but I feel like a chicken running around without my head on!"

For the life of me, I still can't really remember how to say that particular idiom. I'm sure someone out there will help me out.

Happy Tuesday!