A woman's mind can be a dangerous thing...

or it can be a wonderful thing...
or it can be frustrating thing...
a flexible thing?

a spontaneously combustible thing?

a spaghetti-like, non-waffle, unable to compartmentalize thing?

over-complicated, never simplistic thing?

hmmm...

A Love I never imagined (part 1)

Picture Egypt. The era of Pharoahs and lavish empires, vast empires built by blood, sweat and tears of the Hebrew people. The sting of the whip on the backs of Hebrew slaves is not as violent as the sting of hope fading. These people have been slaves for a long time. They cry out to God with their eyes closed, hands thrown up in the air, grasping their heads, as they fall on their knees to the ground. And for after years of prayer they still remained as they were, mere slaves-- robbed of their dignity and their freedom. Has their God forsaken them? Have they been abandoned? Is it foolishness to hang on to hope, when the Egyptians tried their hardest every day to beat it out of them?

BUT GOD..."heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them." (Exodus 2:24-25).

This is just the beginning of God proving His love for His people. I have always loved the story of Moses leading God's people out of Egypt. His mercy is so evident in His deliverance of the Israelites from an oppressive monarchy.

"The LORD said, 'I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers and I am concerned about their suffering. so I have come down to rescue them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey...and now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them.'" (Exodus 3:8-9)

And who does God send to deliver His people? A humble shepherd from the desert, a man who has been exiled from the house of Pharaoh...a man by the name of Moses.

Why did God choose to use Moses? God was more than capable of destroying the Egyptian empire on His own? Was it not God, who commanded the universe into existence? Demolishing the vast Egyptian dynasty would've been too easy? But why did God choose to use a humble and lowly human being, such as Moses?

This journal entry might seem scattered. But I am just in awe of the story of the Exodus. How God proved His greatness, His power, His sovereignty...and His love for His people, His children. And most of all, I think that this story really should remind us of how much we should LOVE God and make us think of what that kind of love should look like. It is a love that we never imagined, a different love from what we know of love now. And we should love God because of how GREAT He is. We should truly stand in awe of His might.

Dabble.

i like to take photographs.

that one is a shopping cart, up close and personal.

this one i call, "black hills in an ivory sea..."


daisies and polka dots make an interesting paradox.


playing with the lighting. this is at the Cayucos pier.


my friend Callan. Endearing.


friends helping friends.


muscles of a different kind.


unfortunately, their faces stayed that way.


the "band photo"


oh, Joy.


the best friend.


america's next top models?

my beautiful friend Jennie. At the Land of the Disney.


apparently, it is the happiest place on earth.


we can't be that late.



oooh. mardi gras beads.

that is all for now. i have recently acquired a polaroid camera (found one in the thrift store for $3!), thus, I have now a small obsession with polaroid pictures. I want to scan them and post them up soon...

toodles.

Breadcrumbs.

To want things to be normal means to redefine normalcy. A part of me wishes being "normal" was more objective. I am torn between the thoughts that I should be thinking and the thoughts I would rather not think. Both dance around in my head, like two roosters, forced to fight one another-- egged on by evil men in the background. Maybe I should resign to accept things the way they are. But where does one draw the line between accepting and giving up? Or perhaps there isn't a line at all. Perhaps the truth is more severe than I have come to realize. There is no line. The black and white has forever joined into this menacing and bitter gray.

Ramblings of an emerging insomniac...

God has given me a zeal, to live a faith that is wholistic, lived out in word and deed. I know many who share this same zeal, and I am blessed to know them. Though there are also many, who are not passionate about things of the LORD. I am not saying that I am perfect. Heavens no. No no no no. I fail ALL the time. That's where grace comes in. And mercy. and yeah, things aren't black and white, but Jesus is always right. The word "christian" means "little Christ," so it is about time people start living up to that name. Just because we are "free" in Christ, it does not warrant us to live as WE please. That is not what freedom in Christ means. It's not about pleasing ourselves, it's about pleasing the LORD. In other words, it is so important that Christians live like Christ did. To be in the world, but not be associated with the world, AT ALL. I hate to come across like a "pharisee," but I would just like to point out that Jesus lived a life in perfect communion with God. Jesus did not curse, or use the LORD's name in vain, or disrespect authority, just to name a few things, that we Christians exercise our "freedom" in. Jesus was sinless. He was perfectly obedient. He loved and respected others. I think it's time we stop using the cop-out, "but we're human and Jesus was God." Jesus was human, too. He was tempted like all of us. He just had a clear purpose of what God wanted from Him (something we all share...we do have purpose), and Jesus LOVED the Father, which is why He was so obedient. He LOVED God and wanted to do His will.

Maybe the problem is that we don't love God enough? Not exactly a no-brainer...
My prayer is that those who really belong to Christ will understand that God literally has given us a higher-calling...we need to live as Christ; He, who knew no sin... we've got our work cut out for us. Sorry, not to imply that Christianity is based on works. It is not. But out of loving obedience to a God who saved us from damnation, we should do our best to live a life that is pleasing to Him...as Jesus did.

Happy Boxing Day (or at least that's what the Canadians say).

if it weren't for Jesus, the Christmas season would really be anti-climactic. I am sure the "holidays," as the rest of the world prefers to call it, is pretty anti-climactic for those unfortunate enough to live life without Christ. I mean, after weeks and weeks of preparations and thousands of dollars spent on presents, it's all over in one day. ONE DAY. eyuck. The thought of it makes me shudder. All the more reason why people need to know about Jesus. They need to released from the disappointment they are probably feeling now. Christians know, or at least they should know, that the celebration of Christ is a 24/7, everyday, ongoing celebration. Because Christmas, the birth of Christ, means.... God wins.

My pastor is going to have his seventh child (yes...seventh) within the next few days. Hopefully. I definitely want to be around for that. In my eyes, the Micus are like an extended family. I mean, I make home movies of the kids, for the kids. That pretty much means, I'm sort of like part of their family. This is them:
yeah. The kids are half filipino. That explains why they are so good looking. That is also probably why they are so loud and crazy and full of energy. I love them. I am really excited as to what baby number seven will be like. Or what they'll name him/her. I still say Micah Moses Micu is a good one.... (i'm being facetious, of course...)

So other than the Micu's having another child, I've thought of more good reasons for staying home:
1.) I'm enjoying the time spent with my brothers.
2.) My parents make the best filipino food. So it's been nice eating home-cooked meals.
3.) I am really, really low on cash. Being at home means I have a better chance of NOT spending money.

I think that making lists is another way that I am avoiding making a decision. My therapist says that I am a very indecisive individual. She actually asked me if i thought I was indecisive, and I answered, "Maybe? I don't really know..." Way to give myself away, eh?

Anyway, that's all for now.

3 am and i am even more indecisive.

I am awake without really having a good reason. Actually there is a reason, but I'm not going to say it. (don't worry, it's not illegal, but just not practical).

I am debating staying home for the entirety of winter break (another 4 weeks or so). Methinks, I've been debating too long. I think I enjoy my inability to commit to big decisions. Why? I don't know. Being indecisive is easier than making an executive decision.

upsides to staying home:
1.) hanging out with my brothers
2.) sleeping
3.) being able to hang out with the Micu's

downside to staying home:
1.) it's not normal?
2.) i will probably get too addicted to that confounded video game on my brothers' Wii.

whatever. i have a week to decide. and 3:32 am is not the best time to think about this. why do i even try?