It is good.

Today, I sat outside a cafe in downtown Fullerton. I sat on a paisley cushion atop a white wicker chair, taking in the eclectic outdoor patio decoration at Cafe Veronese. I lazily sipped on coffee, in between bites of a decadent chocolate cake.  I let my eyes feast on the vines that grew along the fence,  and I giggled softly because I loved the sight of yellow flowers speckled throughout.  I listened to the fountain and let the sound of the water coax me into a more peaceful mood.  The sun gleamed softly, its warm light reflected by the white tiled table top, touched my face like a gentle kiss.  A gentle and cool breeze caressed my hair and the edges of my mustard yellow skirt.  The sky was clear and the clouds were like cotton balls, arranged messily in groups of threes and fours.

As I sat there, I marveled at my inner peace.  I felt genuinely thankful for life and that I could enjoy the little things.  That things like yellow flowers, chocolate cake and 74 degree weather still makes a substantial impact on my soul. 

The last 8 weeks or so have been, well--for lack of a better term--a doozy.  If you had told me that by week 10, I would be so relaxed and so peaceful, that I would be stuffing my face full of cake,  I probably wouldn't have believed you.  I might even have told you that you were effing crazy.

I guess it just goes to show that I am still one of little faith.  Well, it's a growing faith.  It's still quite miniscule.  But, I do see it growing stronger.  Getting bigger. More bold.  Less afraid.  And this peace that comes with it is most definitely a gift of grace, from God, who I am convinced today loves and cares about His people.  That He loves and cares about me.

It's not like I did anything extra special either.  Neither has much of my external situations changed--other than the fact that I'm mostly done with school projects/presentations.  There are still quite a few aspects in my life that are less than ideal. 

I think I realized this last Friday, that if Jesus can calm a raging storm and churning waves, if Jesus can still the mighty ocean, then His power is sufficient to bring about peace in whatever life situation I find myself in.   It's so good to see His power and His work within me.  Especially because I have not held back from showing Him/telling Him about what I truly think and feel about the crap that has happened. I feel like I really, truly wrestled with all that has been going on.  Being honest with myself and with other people.  It certainly has not been easy.  

As I sat there and ate my cake,  I thanked Him for listening.  I thanked Him for caring about my humanity and giving space for my emotions.  I thanked Him for helping me overcome my fears and for helping me see a side of surrender that I have never seen before.  I looked at where I've been and where I am now, in this place of substantial peace--I see that I have gained a better sense of what it means to trust God.  It's really amazing.  It's almost ineffable.

So yeah.  Today is a good day.  I want to enjoy it.

Lastly, I want to end with a verse that seems to make more sense to me now than it ever has before: 

"For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me." [Colossians 1:29]

Toodles.