I love this woman's passion when she sings. Mm.
28.10.10
25.10.10
22.10.10
My grown-up Christmas list
Ok. So it's almost the end of October, which means that November will be here soon and then Christmas! Not to endorse consumerism and how it taints the"spirit of Christmas" but I'm gonna be honest and admit that I love presents. Baha. And there is nothing I want more than this:
it's a lomography camera from Urban outfitters. I'm gonna pitch the idea to my parents this year, to avoid the usual practical gifts. I think I've gotten towels, socks and vacuums for the last three years! But it's dawned on me that maybe I've never actually told them that I have this artistic/hipster side that is dying to wander around and take pictures like all the other hipster's before me:
it's a lomography camera from Urban outfitters. I'm gonna pitch the idea to my parents this year, to avoid the usual practical gifts. I think I've gotten towels, socks and vacuums for the last three years! But it's dawned on me that maybe I've never actually told them that I have this artistic/hipster side that is dying to wander around and take pictures like all the other hipster's before me:
21.10.10
Double-mindedness
The whole issue of "double-mindedness" has strictly been regarded as an issue of straddling the line between worldliness and godliness--trying to follow God, but holding on to thoughts, ideas, or material things that are apart from God. I think that is what James meant when he addressed this issue in James 1:8. But as of late, I've been seeing a different kind of twist to the double-mindedness problem. It's a kind of doubt, confusion and instability that is a byproduct of trying to meet other people's expectations.
I've probably have blogged about the idea that there are unrealistic expectations placed on people due to the "christian standards" that our culture has created. These standards, include, but are not limited to: how a person should dress, how a person should think, how a person should meet their future spouse, how to read the bible, how to have quiet time, how to talk in church, what books to read and what books to not read and the list goes on. I don't want to deny the practicality of having standards, but it seems that those standards, like unwanted weeds in a garden, have the potential to suck the life and liberty and joy from those who are trying to live genuinely in their faith. Furthermore, I think that these rules and regulations tend to ignore the fact that people are created to be different from one another. Trying to standardize Christianity robs us the experience of growing and striving for unity amongst us. Without diversity of thoughts and ideas, the body of Christ will become dull and lifeless.
Anyway, I can speak for myself and my own double-mindedness. It is a struggle for me to really seek out what God wants me to do, to sit and listen to the Holy Spirit and to be genuine in my decisions in life because I have spent most of my Christian life heavily submerged in rules. Most of my decision-making is tainted by thoughts of "but is this...Christian enough? or "what would so and so think about this?" I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way. And I'm at the point where I'm telling myself, "who the hell cares?" I mean, God cares. Duh. And He's the only Person that I should be answering to, or seeking answers from. Which leads to another point: living life under certain standards causes one to idolize acceptance and affirmation. It would become the sole motivation to live a certain way, if we received external praise for the things we do and say on a regular basis. Because if that's how people judge how christian someone is, then that is what they'll do to prove how christian they are. Sadly, it becomes the basis on which we judge and view ourselves. And it is not right. This is not freedom!
There is a reality to life that is so messy and brilliant and beautiful in its uncertainties, outside of the standards and rules. There is so much that cannot and should not be tamed! And in this beautiful mess, we are meant to wrestle with God and seek a raw and unhindered, un-apprehensive relationship with Him, to experience the fullness of grace and mercy radically and to feel His love even more radically. I feel as though I'm emerging from the darkness of my past bondage and seeing life in a different way. But, there are these flickering images of my past that tempt to take away my freedom in Christ and tempts me to live the way I used to--in fear of rejection, and fear of disappointing people. I see a lot of my friends in this sort of bondage, too, or at least they are trying to break free from it, but it's causing a lot of this double-mindedness.
Not really sure on what note to end on. I feel like that was a lot to say. I do see hope and trust that God is working in all of this. And I'm thankful that His peace overcomes whatever anxieties my double-mindedness turns up.
I've probably have blogged about the idea that there are unrealistic expectations placed on people due to the "christian standards" that our culture has created. These standards, include, but are not limited to: how a person should dress, how a person should think, how a person should meet their future spouse, how to read the bible, how to have quiet time, how to talk in church, what books to read and what books to not read and the list goes on. I don't want to deny the practicality of having standards, but it seems that those standards, like unwanted weeds in a garden, have the potential to suck the life and liberty and joy from those who are trying to live genuinely in their faith. Furthermore, I think that these rules and regulations tend to ignore the fact that people are created to be different from one another. Trying to standardize Christianity robs us the experience of growing and striving for unity amongst us. Without diversity of thoughts and ideas, the body of Christ will become dull and lifeless.
Anyway, I can speak for myself and my own double-mindedness. It is a struggle for me to really seek out what God wants me to do, to sit and listen to the Holy Spirit and to be genuine in my decisions in life because I have spent most of my Christian life heavily submerged in rules. Most of my decision-making is tainted by thoughts of "but is this...Christian enough? or "what would so and so think about this?" I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way. And I'm at the point where I'm telling myself, "who the hell cares?" I mean, God cares. Duh. And He's the only Person that I should be answering to, or seeking answers from. Which leads to another point: living life under certain standards causes one to idolize acceptance and affirmation. It would become the sole motivation to live a certain way, if we received external praise for the things we do and say on a regular basis. Because if that's how people judge how christian someone is, then that is what they'll do to prove how christian they are. Sadly, it becomes the basis on which we judge and view ourselves. And it is not right. This is not freedom!
There is a reality to life that is so messy and brilliant and beautiful in its uncertainties, outside of the standards and rules. There is so much that cannot and should not be tamed! And in this beautiful mess, we are meant to wrestle with God and seek a raw and unhindered, un-apprehensive relationship with Him, to experience the fullness of grace and mercy radically and to feel His love even more radically. I feel as though I'm emerging from the darkness of my past bondage and seeing life in a different way. But, there are these flickering images of my past that tempt to take away my freedom in Christ and tempts me to live the way I used to--in fear of rejection, and fear of disappointing people. I see a lot of my friends in this sort of bondage, too, or at least they are trying to break free from it, but it's causing a lot of this double-mindedness.
Not really sure on what note to end on. I feel like that was a lot to say. I do see hope and trust that God is working in all of this. And I'm thankful that His peace overcomes whatever anxieties my double-mindedness turns up.
20.10.10
His burden is light.
This is one of my favorite Sufjan Stevens song. Probably my absolute favorite. It really calms my soul and reminds me of the profound joy and peace there is with Jesus.
Vito's Ordination Song:
Vito's Ordination Song:
5.10.10
Real Love
Yesterday, I was reminded that God doesn't just want my actions, or my words, He wants my heart. He wants a true and passionate zeal for Him. He wants me to love Him, for who He is. And more importantly, He wants my love for him to be as real as He is.
I know that my love for God now is less contrived than it used to be. And I think its because I've thought about what it means for Him to love me. I've spent most of my formative Christian years thinking that it wasn't me that God loved. It was Christ in me. As "theologically-sound" as that statement may seem, I've come to believe that it's only the half truth. And if it's half-true, then it's most likely a lie--the lie being that God doesn't actually love me. And I have chosen not to wrestle with this troublesome thought because I didn't think I could. I've always been told to not go there. But yesterday, God brought my heart to a place where I wrestled with this very thought. God led me to a place where I could say, "Lord, this cannot be true. You must love me for who I am. You've made me, knitted me together in my mother's womb. You must've thought about me, when You asked Jesus to take my place on the Cross. You must love me for me. If this is not true, then what is love?"
In the grand scheme of things, in the grand scheme of God's glory, as Holy and Powerful as the God of Universe is, His transcendency and love and mercy must mean that He cares about His children as individuals. If a human mother and father can give special attention and love to each and every one of their children...if a human mother and father can take the time to assess each child's need and respond to that child's particular personality and need in order to love him or her as they are...then why not the God of the universe, whose love is clearly shown through the death of Jesus Christ, who took MY place and MY punishment so that I could have a relationship with the Father.
I have not allowed myself to sit in this for so long because Christian jargon dictates that God loves Christ in me. Somehow that doesn't seem to be all of it. How can we truly experience the true love of God in a real and profound way if we cannot allow him to love us as we are? How can we truly understand the goodness of His grace and mercy if we do not invite him into our most vulnerable places? God LOVES us. No buts, or ifs, or and's. He just LOVES us. Because He is God. He is the only being who can love imperfect sinful souls in a way that these imperfect and sinful souls want to be loved. Which is why Jesus came. This is why Jesus came. And in our realization of our need for Him, in our honest zeal and passion for who God is, we glorify Him. But we must first know His love. We must think about it in this way. We must think about how deeply personal it is.
Merely knowing theology doesn't mean our hearts are truly embracing the love of God. Scripture says that knowledge puffs us up. It's often easier to say that God is love than to actually believe it. The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men (Is 29:13). We can discuss theology until we are blue in the face, or continue to impose unrealistic expectations on fellow Christians through our overt displays of "righteousness," and it ultimately means nothing if we miss the freedom of God's redeeming love for His people.
I pray that our hearts are truly moved by the grace of God, through the realization that He loves us, for who we are and how He has formed us. We are redeemed through the understanding of his mercy and love and we seek to change, from the inside-out, because we love Him. This is what's true. This is what God has shown me is real.
I know that my love for God now is less contrived than it used to be. And I think its because I've thought about what it means for Him to love me. I've spent most of my formative Christian years thinking that it wasn't me that God loved. It was Christ in me. As "theologically-sound" as that statement may seem, I've come to believe that it's only the half truth. And if it's half-true, then it's most likely a lie--the lie being that God doesn't actually love me. And I have chosen not to wrestle with this troublesome thought because I didn't think I could. I've always been told to not go there. But yesterday, God brought my heart to a place where I wrestled with this very thought. God led me to a place where I could say, "Lord, this cannot be true. You must love me for who I am. You've made me, knitted me together in my mother's womb. You must've thought about me, when You asked Jesus to take my place on the Cross. You must love me for me. If this is not true, then what is love?"
In the grand scheme of things, in the grand scheme of God's glory, as Holy and Powerful as the God of Universe is, His transcendency and love and mercy must mean that He cares about His children as individuals. If a human mother and father can give special attention and love to each and every one of their children...if a human mother and father can take the time to assess each child's need and respond to that child's particular personality and need in order to love him or her as they are...then why not the God of the universe, whose love is clearly shown through the death of Jesus Christ, who took MY place and MY punishment so that I could have a relationship with the Father.
I have not allowed myself to sit in this for so long because Christian jargon dictates that God loves Christ in me. Somehow that doesn't seem to be all of it. How can we truly experience the true love of God in a real and profound way if we cannot allow him to love us as we are? How can we truly understand the goodness of His grace and mercy if we do not invite him into our most vulnerable places? God LOVES us. No buts, or ifs, or and's. He just LOVES us. Because He is God. He is the only being who can love imperfect sinful souls in a way that these imperfect and sinful souls want to be loved. Which is why Jesus came. This is why Jesus came. And in our realization of our need for Him, in our honest zeal and passion for who God is, we glorify Him. But we must first know His love. We must think about it in this way. We must think about how deeply personal it is.
Merely knowing theology doesn't mean our hearts are truly embracing the love of God. Scripture says that knowledge puffs us up. It's often easier to say that God is love than to actually believe it. The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men (Is 29:13). We can discuss theology until we are blue in the face, or continue to impose unrealistic expectations on fellow Christians through our overt displays of "righteousness," and it ultimately means nothing if we miss the freedom of God's redeeming love for His people.
I pray that our hearts are truly moved by the grace of God, through the realization that He loves us, for who we are and how He has formed us. We are redeemed through the understanding of his mercy and love and we seek to change, from the inside-out, because we love Him. This is what's true. This is what God has shown me is real.
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