Procrastination.

GUHHHHHHH.

I have a buttload that's due over the next few weeks.  And what am I doing?

Cleaning my room. Doing Laundry. Organizing the CD's in my car. Watching "Tangled." 

What should I be doing?
Academic Literature Survey (due Monday)
Calling medical agencies in Bell Gardens, CA for a community project that's due in 2 weeks
applying for nursing jobs
...among other things

I hate not being motivated just as much as I hate doing homework.  I'm most definitely not someone who puts a ton of effort into homework, especially when I would rather be having fun.  I often wonder how this is going to translate into day-to-day life for me.  In my defense, when I really want to do something or really interested in something, it's not work for me.  I hate school. I hate the busy work.  I just want to be free from all this.  Bring on the real world.

Ok. I'm done venting. Off to find research articles related to the ethics behind reporductive technologies so I can write a 5 page paper on it. I'm setting a goal for myself to have it done by today.  So I can have a time to just chill on Sunday and enjoy my 6 hour break between classes on Monday.

Ready. Set. GO!

My encouragement today.

"The LORD will fight for you, and you only have to be silent." [Exodus 14:14]

Sometimes, life is just overwhelming.  There's only so much I can do.  I see the extent of my weakness yet again.  And I must and choose to believe that God cares and that He is working in ways that I can't even begin to imagine.

I truly believe that God is using that verse and this song to remind me that He cares about me in ways that I don't fully realize yet. 

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
my life was in His hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
He hears me when I call

[almost there]

eyes timid and apprehensive,
pupils delighted by
luminescent hues of refreshing moments.

modest claims of change,
leaves a joyful stain on a face
with cherubic enthusiasm.

Hope--a little worse for wear,
but never out of fashion.

re: Stacks

This song is beautiful.  It's about the burdens that we all carry as human beings or the "stacks" that we accrue over the years as we wade through less than ideal situations--imperfect families, sinful predispositions, death of a loved one, or a death of a dream, unfulfilled expectations and disappointments that lead to meaningful life changes, suffering caused by our own decisions or the decisions of others.  The list goes on.  In the somberness and simplicity of Bon Iver's song, in his recognition of the broken, yet beautiful way that humans continue to strive with their own inherent shortcomings and the shortcomings of others, there is a haunting and freeing sound to his melody.  The last verse of the song says: This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization/It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away/Your love will be/Safe with me.  I think of Jesus.  And how anything is possible in His strength.  It's not that He gives us super-human strength. He gives us His reassurance, and a fresh perspective. Yet, even the supernatural strength of the Holy Spirit is immensely practical.  It makes us resilient, while keeping us humble.  And the beauty of resilience is the freedom that we gain from the gradual mitigation of the stacks on our backs, as we pursue emotional and spiritual growth with fervor and passion.

Inspiring.

I really love art and the various ways that it is expressed.  Art and its expression gives life to the mundane.  Photography is my favorite art form.

This is a dear friend, Angi:

and she takes pictures like these:

 You can find more of her work [here]

Reset

refresh.
restart.
renewed.

Today feels different. And I don't really know what that means because I've yet to develop an appropriate vocabulary for new experiences.

But I think this is a good thing.  At least it feels like I'm one step closer to wherever I'm supposed to be.

After the Storm

This song was playing in my head when I woke up this morning, these words in particular:

There will come a time you'll see
with no more tears and love will not break your heart
but dismiss your fears
get over your hill and see
what you find there
with grace in your heart and flowers
in your hair...